Restful Trees (a personal post)

Today I rest. The music of the wind shivering the tiny yellow leaves on a mostly green tree fill me with peace. Normally my mind is fast moving and flitting back and forth between thought and effort. Today my mind rests.

Over the last three weeks, I've become all aspects of womanhood for a moment. It sounds like something someone would say to explain away some bit of wisdom taken from a lighthearted and maternal moment. No. Two weeks ago I had a loss. It feels like two months... funny how time slows. I have moved forward with vigor to live life to the fullest. Dancing. Laughing. Screaming. Today I cry. I know that this isn't all that interesting a post. It's much more personal and close to me. But, I had to write. I had to write somewhere where my family doesn't pry. Where my coworkers won't leer. I had to write about an emotion that has no name. I don't know if this will make logical sense, since emotion is rarely logical.

I was the Maiden. I became the Mother. And now I am the Crone. Creation and Death dwelled within me. I mourn and rest. Soon I will live faster. Breathe harder. Smile brighter. Today, there is no rule for that. There are gentle smiles. There are soft steps. Tomorrow my words may be sharper. I will not care when someone cries. I will not hold someone who fears. All of my care and compassion are for me now. And I will drink it up until I am filled.

And I am a better woman for it. I am the dark mother... and I am healing.