After the open circle I attended collapsed, as all things do in time, I wonder which direction I should take my practice.
There's the solitary way, that I do at home anyway where I can do what I like when I like...but that would be a tad lonesome and can lead to stagnation if done all the time. So, it is time to contemplate who, what, when, where, and why again. It's quite exciting. I think about the small covens started by people haphazardly. Mixed up drama with a tad of tarot and tea leaf reading. Singular people on soapboxes to deminish the confidence of those who look to this "leader" and feel regret and embarrassment. Quickly opening up to those you aren't ready to trust. Crazy times. Crazy people...
Is there any way to keep drama out of a coven? Probably not all the way, but I'd like to think that if a coven or circle forms, we will try and work through problems instead of flinging feces in each others' faces. I'd like to think my friends are worthwhile and mature enough to not take themselves (and others) too seriously. An ounce of prevention is with a pound of cure... or is it an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure? Eh, both work equally as well. I feel a little bit like a youngster again. It's kind of fun. :) The end of one thing and the start of something new. Quite exciting.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Broken Circle
Ok, it sounds worse than it is. After 9 years, our chapter of CUUPS (Covenenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) is no more. It dwindled down and due to a hiccup in the bylaws, we couldn't fullfill our obligations for the upcoming year (i.e. we didn't have enough people to have a Council of Elders basically). Over the past 9 years, this group grew and shrank until last year when we decided that a haitus was necessary. If we thought we could continue this group, we'd start over. Well, we did. With new bylaws and a new sense of togetherness. With that said, we didn't have the rallied support of the previous year when people said "No, stop! We want to keep CUUPS!" "I don't want it to go away!" "I'll help!" Those people disappeared to other groups or just forgot to show up. Now, our little group is disbanding.
"But, this is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning..."
Ok, I can't remember that movie I just quoted...oh yes. Millenium. So, now my energies that I directed toward our little group, an eclectic open circle basically, can now be directed elsewhere. So, I don't have to worry about being on the Council of Elders. I don't have to worry about that at all. Now I have to ponder on the fact that I have to spread my wings and fly elsewhere...like those others that left before me. I'll meet other people. I'll focus more on my Craft with others that want to focus as well. It's a good thing. I really thought I'd be more upset. Maybe that comes later. Now I can help form a new group without as much politics. Something of equality instead of follow-the-leader.
Not the most exciting post, I know. But, I figure CUUPS deserved at least this. It was good to me. It supported me when I needed support. It was always there, even if I couldn't make it to events. I just knew it was there. The people of CUUPS, though a motley crew of ages and styles, I will miss. It was just time to say goodbye to the old and start anew.
"But, this is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning..."
Ok, I can't remember that movie I just quoted...oh yes. Millenium. So, now my energies that I directed toward our little group, an eclectic open circle basically, can now be directed elsewhere. So, I don't have to worry about being on the Council of Elders. I don't have to worry about that at all. Now I have to ponder on the fact that I have to spread my wings and fly elsewhere...like those others that left before me. I'll meet other people. I'll focus more on my Craft with others that want to focus as well. It's a good thing. I really thought I'd be more upset. Maybe that comes later. Now I can help form a new group without as much politics. Something of equality instead of follow-the-leader.
Not the most exciting post, I know. But, I figure CUUPS deserved at least this. It was good to me. It supported me when I needed support. It was always there, even if I couldn't make it to events. I just knew it was there. The people of CUUPS, though a motley crew of ages and styles, I will miss. It was just time to say goodbye to the old and start anew.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Life is Work?
This Spring/Summer my family and I worked on a landscaping project called "We're not at regular work, so we must be in the yard." So far, we've been blessed with nice weather, meaning not 90+ degree, insane-humidity weather. My mother and my brother work very well together, handing each other things. Just a well oiled machine. When it comes to the cooking (the really tasty kind) and most of the yard work, I get bumped out of the equation. I'm the gofer. Go-fer this, and that.Today I realized that pride got in the way of me doing as good a job as I could have. For the first part of the day, I moped. I hovered. I was basically useless. Then, I realized when I returned from a quest for sunblock in the house, what menial tasks I was handed were done. They didn't need me out there. Those tasks needed to be done..and I was being an idiot.
So, poof. Your worth is lessened when your pride is heavier than your head. My ego was crushed. They really didn't need me. I needed that. A big Gibbs slap to the back of the head (I love NCIS. )("Ok, you messed up. Get over it!"). Life really is work when you realize you're not as good a person as you want to be. Seeing clearly instead of through rose colored glasses (or a mirror in my case) Getting the right consistency, like cornbread batter. It has to be just so. So, I put on the big straw hat of gardening and helped. I mixed concrete. I moved rocks. My mother and brother worked hard into the night while I went to work-work. Kudos to them. And I'm glad they ignored my cranky (albeit temporary) hovering. Blood really is thicker than water...and family can really be great and patient.
So, poof. Your worth is lessened when your pride is heavier than your head. My ego was crushed. They really didn't need me. I needed that. A big Gibbs slap to the back of the head (I love NCIS. )("Ok, you messed up. Get over it!"). Life really is work when you realize you're not as good a person as you want to be. Seeing clearly instead of through rose colored glasses (or a mirror in my case) Getting the right consistency, like cornbread batter. It has to be just so. So, I put on the big straw hat of gardening and helped. I mixed concrete. I moved rocks. My mother and brother worked hard into the night while I went to work-work. Kudos to them. And I'm glad they ignored my cranky (albeit temporary) hovering. Blood really is thicker than water...and family can really be great and patient.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Nothing Too Important, Just Rambling So I Can Sleep...
What is most important is knowing what is most important... and acting likewise.
To be happy, practical, and carefree? Can it be done? It's all in the mind. Always is. Inside out. Sort of like shake and bake, you know? Mix it up a little for a whole new possibility. If you're reading this, then you must know that I should be in bed right now. I should be resting. I'm not. I'm thinking, which is a dangerous thing to do. Just because I love tangents. I love them, I thrive on them like pick up sticks. They are always touching another. Anyway...
I have no clue if that makes sense to you all out there. It would be nice that someone sees where I'm coming from, but that's never going to happen fully (the whole only me can know me thing. You know what I mean). It is also important to know yourself, right? Since you are always changing every day, it's good to get to know yourself again, and again through your actions and will. Well, what if you realize that you don't like yourself as much as you did in years past? You're maybe not as good a person as you once thought? Yeah. You figured me out. It's me I'm talking about. What's so strange is one of the features of my character that I think is a virtue has become more of a hindrance. I care too much. I guess finding out you're a good person isn't so bad. But, it's been getting in my way of just being who I want to be. Who I am is getting in the way of my progress. So, what do you do? Change who you are. But people don't change often...so, shift. Bend. Eh, life is hilarious... random thoughts here... Nothing all that illuminating to anyone but me. I just wanted to get it out so I can freakin' sleep.
Now, if I can only get that Styx song out of my head, then I'll be hunky-dory.
"I'm sailing away..." *chuckles*
To be happy, practical, and carefree? Can it be done? It's all in the mind. Always is. Inside out. Sort of like shake and bake, you know? Mix it up a little for a whole new possibility. If you're reading this, then you must know that I should be in bed right now. I should be resting. I'm not. I'm thinking, which is a dangerous thing to do. Just because I love tangents. I love them, I thrive on them like pick up sticks. They are always touching another. Anyway...
I have no clue if that makes sense to you all out there. It would be nice that someone sees where I'm coming from, but that's never going to happen fully (the whole only me can know me thing. You know what I mean). It is also important to know yourself, right? Since you are always changing every day, it's good to get to know yourself again, and again through your actions and will. Well, what if you realize that you don't like yourself as much as you did in years past? You're maybe not as good a person as you once thought? Yeah. You figured me out. It's me I'm talking about. What's so strange is one of the features of my character that I think is a virtue has become more of a hindrance. I care too much. I guess finding out you're a good person isn't so bad. But, it's been getting in my way of just being who I want to be. Who I am is getting in the way of my progress. So, what do you do? Change who you are. But people don't change often...so, shift. Bend. Eh, life is hilarious... random thoughts here... Nothing all that illuminating to anyone but me. I just wanted to get it out so I can freakin' sleep.
Now, if I can only get that Styx song out of my head, then I'll be hunky-dory.
"I'm sailing away..." *chuckles*
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Dance Trance and Laughing at Yourself
It's not that hard to lead a dance. I thought it'd be more difficult with 11 more people involved. But, for this May's full moon ritual, I found that with a little help from someone that knows how to drum the dance takes care of itself. You don't have to do much more than pull along another person who pulls along another and so on. Pull them along and laugh. Suddenly everyone else is laughing and following suit to what you wanted them to feel. I remember laughing, but I can't remember the drum beats. Funny. I felt it so strongly, heard it so clearly. And, when the dance started, all I remember is the laughter and the movement. Everything came together. I'd say we were successful.
I decided not to do a typical ritual, seeing as I'm not Wiccan. I wanted to shake things up a bit. Others called it more of a Druidic style. I just felt like doing something closer to home. A storytelling. Everyone tells part of the story. Everyone shares a part of themselves. We laughed so hard. Magic is everywhere. If magic isn't fun, well..at least a little..., then I think you're not doing it right. Serious can be fun. But, we all take ourselves way too seriously sometimes. I figured, doing a ritual centered around that would help. The real, heart-of-the-matter reason I did this ritual (with the wonderful help of two lovely people who drummed and polished up the rough bits), was it was something I needed. I needed to remind myself that life shouldn't be so bitterly tense. I needed to make my ass a little less tight and shake it just a little bit more. Full moons are good enough reason as any. *smiles*
Now, that was ritual. I'm not used to ritual or spellcraft in general with others. Still just not as used to it as I could be. But, it's good experience. You never know when you'll need to work with another or a group of others. Practice makes perfect. Eh, that's about it for now. Elections are coming up for the next Council of Elders for our little group. I don't know that many people who will volunteer, save for me. Two people have already called 'not-it' and are already getting burnt out. But...I like this group too much to let it just go. So, I'm probably going to be part of the next leadership group. Ah, politics....never liked politics. *chuckle*
I decided not to do a typical ritual, seeing as I'm not Wiccan. I wanted to shake things up a bit. Others called it more of a Druidic style. I just felt like doing something closer to home. A storytelling. Everyone tells part of the story. Everyone shares a part of themselves. We laughed so hard. Magic is everywhere. If magic isn't fun, well..at least a little..., then I think you're not doing it right. Serious can be fun. But, we all take ourselves way too seriously sometimes. I figured, doing a ritual centered around that would help. The real, heart-of-the-matter reason I did this ritual (with the wonderful help of two lovely people who drummed and polished up the rough bits), was it was something I needed. I needed to remind myself that life shouldn't be so bitterly tense. I needed to make my ass a little less tight and shake it just a little bit more. Full moons are good enough reason as any. *smiles*
Now, that was ritual. I'm not used to ritual or spellcraft in general with others. Still just not as used to it as I could be. But, it's good experience. You never know when you'll need to work with another or a group of others. Practice makes perfect. Eh, that's about it for now. Elections are coming up for the next Council of Elders for our little group. I don't know that many people who will volunteer, save for me. Two people have already called 'not-it' and are already getting burnt out. But...I like this group too much to let it just go. So, I'm probably going to be part of the next leadership group. Ah, politics....never liked politics. *chuckle*
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Motivations in Magic
Why did we start this in the first place?
I was simply wondering that just now. I have no clue what this post will sound like. It might sound like I feel, tired and half-dressed. It is, after all, 2am on a weeknight. But still... back to the point. Why did we start this in the first place?
Some people just want something new and different. Others want to feel powerful in their lives...and sometimes feel powerful over others. (heck a lot of the time over others) Maybe some want to heal others through learning energy work and the like. Still others want to find the meaning to life though a way that isn't taught in...hell, Sunday school.
So, why? I know why I did it...that hook as it were. I was intrigued. A boy I knew knew a little something something and poof! I had to know it all. Well...I didn't end up knowing it all as you might have guessed... but as a lot of you know, you can't really just turn off what you already know. You can't unring a great big cow bell. (not without serious doubt and denial surrounding your every step) So, after the guy, and after a lot of drama, I found myself alone in all this. It was just me and my labyrinth of a mind. Ok, so I figured out that there's more than that. But, still... The more I learn, the less I know. And, the more I learn, the less I want to deal with people. Yet, I feel at home with the choice of choosing this lifestyle. So, at home with magic. Not so sure about the people practicing it. Funny, huh?
After deciding that people aren't always worth it, I was pre-nominated to be next year's Secretary in our local CUUPs (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) chapter. So, I'm wondering now, what is my motivation? I hate politics, but this is a small group. And, I like my group. They're a lovely bit of people. Still...drama...it lurks. So, now I'm just pondering...what is my motivation? It takes me back to my intrigue at the beginning. It takes me back to my "why?"
Why did I start this... To help people. So vague. But still...I can't unring that bell...and I can't ignore who I am. I am that woman that keeps children from falling out of their shopping carts when they stand up. I'm that young lady that you ask how you are I say "I'm happy!" and mean it. I'm also the friend that backs you up and makes the tea. So, my motivation in all this should still remain the same as it is in my life. To help people. *sigh* I guess dealing with magic-oriented people is a magic of its own. I might as well try it out and get good at it. Yay, another talent. *chuckle* Wish me luck!
Peace be,
Grey
I was simply wondering that just now. I have no clue what this post will sound like. It might sound like I feel, tired and half-dressed. It is, after all, 2am on a weeknight. But still... back to the point. Why did we start this in the first place?
Some people just want something new and different. Others want to feel powerful in their lives...and sometimes feel powerful over others. (heck a lot of the time over others) Maybe some want to heal others through learning energy work and the like. Still others want to find the meaning to life though a way that isn't taught in...hell, Sunday school.
So, why? I know why I did it...that hook as it were. I was intrigued. A boy I knew knew a little something something and poof! I had to know it all. Well...I didn't end up knowing it all as you might have guessed... but as a lot of you know, you can't really just turn off what you already know. You can't unring a great big cow bell. (not without serious doubt and denial surrounding your every step) So, after the guy, and after a lot of drama, I found myself alone in all this. It was just me and my labyrinth of a mind. Ok, so I figured out that there's more than that. But, still... The more I learn, the less I know. And, the more I learn, the less I want to deal with people. Yet, I feel at home with the choice of choosing this lifestyle. So, at home with magic. Not so sure about the people practicing it. Funny, huh?
After deciding that people aren't always worth it, I was pre-nominated to be next year's Secretary in our local CUUPs (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) chapter. So, I'm wondering now, what is my motivation? I hate politics, but this is a small group. And, I like my group. They're a lovely bit of people. Still...drama...it lurks. So, now I'm just pondering...what is my motivation? It takes me back to my intrigue at the beginning. It takes me back to my "why?"
Why did I start this... To help people. So vague. But still...I can't unring that bell...and I can't ignore who I am. I am that woman that keeps children from falling out of their shopping carts when they stand up. I'm that young lady that you ask how you are I say "I'm happy!" and mean it. I'm also the friend that backs you up and makes the tea. So, my motivation in all this should still remain the same as it is in my life. To help people. *sigh* I guess dealing with magic-oriented people is a magic of its own. I might as well try it out and get good at it. Yay, another talent. *chuckle* Wish me luck!
Peace be,
Grey
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sorted Solitary Saunterings
So, as a magical practitioner, the only thing that matters here is what you think. What you know.
Simple enough, but very vague. I was just thinking. Here I am, chillin’...alone with whatever I do. Occasionally joining people for circle or festivals, but hardly ever explaining what I do to its fullest degree. Heck, I doubt that is possible. It’s like trying to describe the intimacy of a lovers embrace or the complexity of intangible algorithms. Most people don’t look at me as anything more than just a young woman with a bright face. Yes, my face is bright. I often get mistaken for a teenager…as I’m sure I wouldn’t mind when I hit 40. Getting carded will seem a great deal less a nuisance and more of a flattery. But, I digress. Basically, I put on a face of youth and smiles, because it’s easier that way. A lot of practitioners are themselves introverts, and by being so extroverted I can keep them away from me. How can you get a good response from someone being themselves genuine if you aren't being so yourself?
I used to think I wanted to be with others when it came down to practicing magic. Circles or covens. It started out that way. Only a few of us fumbling along. Now, I feel much more attune to my own inner workings as just me, myself, and I. Why is that? Why does someone choose a solitary existence when they are in fact very social in their nature? Perhaps that is one of the only sacred pieces of their life they have left. Something untouched by others. Something with power and purity. But as I get older, I find myself not wanting to reach out to others. I don’t need them. So, is that a sad thing? A selfish thing? *shrug* I’m not sure. I do know that despite my love of learning new things, I can get set in my ways. I have to make myself talk to new people. Network. Risky, I know, but important.
Here’s what I think, what I know. It’s up to me to allow others inside. Doesn’t hurt to take a chance in meeting others and maybe learn a thing or two. At least you won’t get stagnant, and that’s worst of all. A gangrenous spirit is an unhappy spirit. Still…I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up my sacred self to anyone. It’s not my way. I wouldn’t mind, however, a few people to chit-chat with. I don’t think I’d mind that at all.
Simple enough, but very vague. I was just thinking. Here I am, chillin’...alone with whatever I do. Occasionally joining people for circle or festivals, but hardly ever explaining what I do to its fullest degree. Heck, I doubt that is possible. It’s like trying to describe the intimacy of a lovers embrace or the complexity of intangible algorithms. Most people don’t look at me as anything more than just a young woman with a bright face. Yes, my face is bright. I often get mistaken for a teenager…as I’m sure I wouldn’t mind when I hit 40. Getting carded will seem a great deal less a nuisance and more of a flattery. But, I digress. Basically, I put on a face of youth and smiles, because it’s easier that way. A lot of practitioners are themselves introverts, and by being so extroverted I can keep them away from me. How can you get a good response from someone being themselves genuine if you aren't being so yourself?
I used to think I wanted to be with others when it came down to practicing magic. Circles or covens. It started out that way. Only a few of us fumbling along. Now, I feel much more attune to my own inner workings as just me, myself, and I. Why is that? Why does someone choose a solitary existence when they are in fact very social in their nature? Perhaps that is one of the only sacred pieces of their life they have left. Something untouched by others. Something with power and purity. But as I get older, I find myself not wanting to reach out to others. I don’t need them. So, is that a sad thing? A selfish thing? *shrug* I’m not sure. I do know that despite my love of learning new things, I can get set in my ways. I have to make myself talk to new people. Network. Risky, I know, but important.
Here’s what I think, what I know. It’s up to me to allow others inside. Doesn’t hurt to take a chance in meeting others and maybe learn a thing or two. At least you won’t get stagnant, and that’s worst of all. A gangrenous spirit is an unhappy spirit. Still…I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up my sacred self to anyone. It’s not my way. I wouldn’t mind, however, a few people to chit-chat with. I don’t think I’d mind that at all.
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