Deep...fire...a heart blackened by adrenaline streaked anger. Hands that tremor normally are suddenly still. A chest that would normally be warm is now spreading out piping hot heat toward the appendages. A face that's autopilot includes a gentle if not goofy smile and eyes understandingly soft has shifted to another face. A face from the darker side of emotion and character. Usually it is kept chained underneath pleasantries and ethics. Usually people push it under the rug only letting it sneak to the top when a button is pushed or the boiling point is reached. The face of anger.
As a child, I was taught how to 'control' anger... only instead of control, they meant ignore until it goes away or become passive or even put the anger felt to others on yourself. I've been trying to give anger the respect it deserves as an adult, but I haven't felt a pure anger without sadness mixed in before, until now. Within the past week (I will not include too detailed a synopsis because that would be airing my laundry a bit too much), I've observed the consequences of two women siphoning money from someone I love who is 81 years old and has dementia. Over the past 6 months, they have found a way to take over $10,000, more or less, of his savings for their greed. He is not rich either. For the first time in... ever... I've had a seriously strong urge to curse someone.
I felt the dark flame rise up. I went through my repertoire of efficient craftings I've learned over the years... ways to make a curse as potent and painful as possible. The pros and cons of using blood... The ways to tear at their chords in order to make them spring back like a cat o' nine tails. The Law of Return. The most emotionless to the most passionate. The sharp to the slow. I felt it. I knew. I could do this more easily than heal the situation. And oh...would it be sweet. I knew... and I did not do this.
I didn't refrain because of the fact that this could cause serious damage to someone's life and all the lives associated with them. I didn't refrain because they may die. I didn't refrain because it would be a slow torture that I'd feel badly about later. I refrained because I knew it wasn't me. I've always known that if anyone messes with those I love, I'd return some sort of...something to the situation. No mercy. Well, it didn't occur exactly how I'd expected. So, I know that saying this might seem that I'm showing my hand to those who may want to take advantage of someone and think..."Oh, she's an open target...won't fight back when pushed..." No. I just knew that the damage to my character would cause me more harm than good if I continued vengeance on pitiful human beings that would smuggle money from a man who deserves respect as an elder. I can't just ram into everything and be done with it. The situation is in need of delicate work. Besides, if I cursed someone it would indeed be a powerful one with the emotion behind it. But, I wouldn't have sorted out the working... there would be consequences on the karmic level to not only me, but those I love and care for.
So what does it mean to curse? Merriam-Webster Online says that to curse means (other than saying insolent things to a person): to call upon divine or supernatural power to send injury upon or to bring great evil upon. (1) Yup. Sounds about right. Now, some people split hairs and say that they send out a karmic-retribution spell. "It's not a curse, it's their karma coming back on them." Well, it's gonna hurt ain't it? Curse! Now. I thought about doing this as well. Less energy used on my end. All of their karma on top of what they're up to. Poof! Bam! Wack! Drip drip... ka-flunk. Thud. Nothing so amusing as the Karma Fairy popping down in a glittery cloud only to hit someone over the head with a metallic heavy blunt instrument in the shape of a baseball bat. As someone who has faith that the divine will work things out... I need to have faith that this will indeed happen at some point for those women. Only... karmic justice isn't my job. I told my brother that I am a tool for the divine and I do what I need to do...not always what I want to do.
This is one of the occasions where I must bite my spell flinging tongue and help the person who is in trouble and in need of healing. It's more difficult in my opinion to heal than it is to destroy. It takes more time usually... Now, there is a chance I might change my mind depending on the situation. However, if I do end up cursing someone... it will be a surgical strike and not a rampant rage-fest. I do wonder though... how many people who practice use curses as a regular and normal part of their lives? Depending on their perspective on how they live their life, have they found a way to make it a healthy part of their spiritual journey? Is it easier to be a passion flogged hedonist or a tedious priestess in order to send out a curse? Where does morality sink in here?
The logical side of myself steadied my hand and I decided to instead analyze the variety of frustration I was feeling. So... in response to this spiritual experimentation and grumblies, tonight I made chili as it was doing all sorts of cold weather today. Sunny, then pea-sized hail, then rain, then sleet, then rain and snow, then quiet cold... I figured chili will make up for it. I spoke with my mother while I stirred the pot splattering the microwave with tomato bits. We laughed. We hugged. We shared thoughts. We listened.
I realized the subtleties of having a mother who wants to give and create a lovingly warm night of family bonding and laughter is just as important as the subtle sharpness I felt in my shadow self. The warmth is tastier and enjoyable. The cold is easier to notice and feed off of. What do my ethics tell me of using my light and dark emotions alongside my Craft? It says: Use them both. Use them both, but be honorable in your work. Too much cold will kill parts of yourself while too much warmth can keep you from learning from the ignored and unseen. Now, you just know yourself better. Now you are ready to learn more. Even the flame holds a shadow...
Blessings,
Greymentality
(1) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cursing
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Is it worth it?
People care so much about feeding fears and paranoia, so much so that they feed it friendships and enough time/energy that it can make them sick. Why do people care so much? And why have we not weeded this out over an evolutionary time line? I'm not perfect. I'm saying this with that in mind. I have had fears. I haven't always reacted well with them. But, I am thinking now from a more objective point of view.
Event: A person walks next to a house and stops. Looks at something and moves on.
Perspective 1 (the person): I walk by a friend's house on my way to town. I see the statue they told me about as I walk past. I wave at the house and move on.
Perspective 2 (person from house): Sees a woman walk next to her house and peer in. Questions her motivations and feeds fear.
Perspective 3 (the dog next door): I smell a person. I hear a person. I see a person walking down the street. Alert! Alert! *bark bark bark*
Perspective 4 (the sun): I am the sun. I shine. I exist.
The twist of events is geared toward emotion often when people do not realize it. The event itself is what it is. An event. It happened. It's over. Memory isn't the most dependable reflection we may have. When we reflect in water, the image is often skewed unless the water is still. How often in this life does water stay so still we can reflect a perfect image? Perfection in existence is an ideal better understood through simplicity. Emotions, though simple, twist events so that the ripples are more complicated..more tangled.
Be careful how much energy you give a perspective. In a way, it's all you have.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Event: A person walks next to a house and stops. Looks at something and moves on.
Perspective 1 (the person): I walk by a friend's house on my way to town. I see the statue they told me about as I walk past. I wave at the house and move on.
Perspective 2 (person from house): Sees a woman walk next to her house and peer in. Questions her motivations and feeds fear.
Perspective 3 (the dog next door): I smell a person. I hear a person. I see a person walking down the street. Alert! Alert! *bark bark bark*
Perspective 4 (the sun): I am the sun. I shine. I exist.
The twist of events is geared toward emotion often when people do not realize it. The event itself is what it is. An event. It happened. It's over. Memory isn't the most dependable reflection we may have. When we reflect in water, the image is often skewed unless the water is still. How often in this life does water stay so still we can reflect a perfect image? Perfection in existence is an ideal better understood through simplicity. Emotions, though simple, twist events so that the ripples are more complicated..more tangled.
Be careful how much energy you give a perspective. In a way, it's all you have.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Monday, January 18, 2010
My dog ate my Book of Shadows...
Well...he ate some of it. More like, he ate the corner spine of the book I keep some of my spiritual thoughts and reflections in. I go into my room and my schnauzer has found the notebook (which was still in a bag of all things) and ate a corner off. I am just thankful he didn't eat the pages. I had a moment where I thought: Should I freak? Or should I just shrug it off? I chose the shrug. Then the thought came into my mind: What if he ate the entirety of the volume I've been working on? Thoughts of sadness, anger, frustration and lack of control flew through my mind and... another one flashed.
*Flash!* Snap out of it! Are you your Book of Shadows? Does it take away the power within? Does it take away the power without? Save for the fact you put energy into something and it came near to destruction, what all have you lost?
Nothing. If I give power to the fear, I give power to something other than myself. I lose. Besides, the acceptance that I am not master of all is actually quite freeing. I need a little wack off my high horse on occasion, a little slap out of my pride. Besides, I love my dog. What's more important? ... I know some people would actually say that their Book of Shadows is much more important than their pet. That's their prerogative. That's their choice. In a way, I tie my own hands by allowing myself to live a life of personal morals that include: Must Love Dogs. And, as long as I'm okay with the outcome, be it shredded carpets, missing glasses and a not-so-perfect binding for my thoughts... I will just have to accept it with a sigh and a shrug.
In other news, I actually did post a more recent blog on here. A nice long enjoyable one...and...it just...didn't work... As a person that is used to cutting and pasting her work from a word document to blogs, it is somewhat annoying to realize that blogger just doesn't like that. I wouldn't mind any advice there on how to be able to succeed in cutting and pasting info. from another source so that I can share with you guys on blogspot.. I know nothing of Html. So, if anyone knows how to fix this problem, I'm all ears. :)
Also in other news, I've been active in the Bardic Circle that's been going on in the area. I look forward to the next one which is the Friday after Imbolc. But, what I've been quite excited about is that I've decided to be the contact for the return of the Pagan Night Out. I miss it. It was something I came to depend on, and for over two years, it's just not been happening. So... we're starting it in March and thanks to a very nice small business owner named Tavane, we have a place. I think the area needs it, at least to depend on a continuous event that has both the organization of having presentations etc. and the social hour after (in a place people know and love...next door to the local Pagan/Earth Centered Trad. store). With the help of my friend Rowena and anyone else who'd like to help out, I am thankful for this chance to start anew something that I think will be a big help for those who just need a break.
I've also learned something else...and this is perhaps more important and a tad serious compared to the former part of this post. My mother had to go to the emergency room a few weeks ago. She was having complications from a previous surgery to her abdomen. Before anyone freaks, she's fine now. However, she kept asking me what I saw. If everything was okay. Frightened and in pain, she wanted answers. I couldn't give them. I told her exactly what I saw, a bulging with contractions of pain pushing in right *and I'd point to the place where I saw it* there. There was movement of energy and no black spots. But, I couldn't decipher it. First, I was exhausted and it was early in the morning. I wasn't on my A game. Second, I'd never seen energy that way before. I did feel helpless, at least when it came to telling her what I saw.
Then, I have to have another flash of *Snap out of it!* because a) I'm not a doctor, b) I did the best thing I could have done by taking her to the ER and contacted/updated everyone. c) Everything turned out fine. She had surgery and got the problem fixed.
She's going back to work on Tuesday and she's feeling great. :)
So in conclusion: Preparation and decisive actions used in accordance with a brain = positive outcome (most likely) Thanks for reading and enjoy your Imbolc.
Blessings,
Greymentality
*Flash!* Snap out of it! Are you your Book of Shadows? Does it take away the power within? Does it take away the power without? Save for the fact you put energy into something and it came near to destruction, what all have you lost?
Nothing. If I give power to the fear, I give power to something other than myself. I lose. Besides, the acceptance that I am not master of all is actually quite freeing. I need a little wack off my high horse on occasion, a little slap out of my pride. Besides, I love my dog. What's more important? ... I know some people would actually say that their Book of Shadows is much more important than their pet. That's their prerogative. That's their choice. In a way, I tie my own hands by allowing myself to live a life of personal morals that include: Must Love Dogs. And, as long as I'm okay with the outcome, be it shredded carpets, missing glasses and a not-so-perfect binding for my thoughts... I will just have to accept it with a sigh and a shrug.
In other news, I actually did post a more recent blog on here. A nice long enjoyable one...and...it just...didn't work... As a person that is used to cutting and pasting her work from a word document to blogs, it is somewhat annoying to realize that blogger just doesn't like that. I wouldn't mind any advice there on how to be able to succeed in cutting and pasting info. from another source so that I can share with you guys on blogspot.. I know nothing of Html. So, if anyone knows how to fix this problem, I'm all ears. :)
Also in other news, I've been active in the Bardic Circle that's been going on in the area. I look forward to the next one which is the Friday after Imbolc. But, what I've been quite excited about is that I've decided to be the contact for the return of the Pagan Night Out. I miss it. It was something I came to depend on, and for over two years, it's just not been happening. So... we're starting it in March and thanks to a very nice small business owner named Tavane, we have a place. I think the area needs it, at least to depend on a continuous event that has both the organization of having presentations etc. and the social hour after (in a place people know and love...next door to the local Pagan/Earth Centered Trad. store). With the help of my friend Rowena and anyone else who'd like to help out, I am thankful for this chance to start anew something that I think will be a big help for those who just need a break.
I've also learned something else...and this is perhaps more important and a tad serious compared to the former part of this post. My mother had to go to the emergency room a few weeks ago. She was having complications from a previous surgery to her abdomen. Before anyone freaks, she's fine now. However, she kept asking me what I saw. If everything was okay. Frightened and in pain, she wanted answers. I couldn't give them. I told her exactly what I saw, a bulging with contractions of pain pushing in right *and I'd point to the place where I saw it* there. There was movement of energy and no black spots. But, I couldn't decipher it. First, I was exhausted and it was early in the morning. I wasn't on my A game. Second, I'd never seen energy that way before. I did feel helpless, at least when it came to telling her what I saw.
Then, I have to have another flash of *Snap out of it!* because a) I'm not a doctor, b) I did the best thing I could have done by taking her to the ER and contacted/updated everyone. c) Everything turned out fine. She had surgery and got the problem fixed.
She's going back to work on Tuesday and she's feeling great. :)
So in conclusion: Preparation and decisive actions used in accordance with a brain = positive outcome (most likely) Thanks for reading and enjoy your Imbolc.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Stepping through...personal thoughts on living...
You cannot live a life lived by someone else... or your own life is fruitless... And who will be there to defend your orchard if you're elsewhere...?
Ok, enough analogies on fruit. I've been thinking on the fact that it's easy to drown yourself in others' mistakes in order to help them. Suggest they get on the ball when it comes to getting that ritual down or they will have a craptastic one at that. Or, watching a fledgling witch learn the response of a binding spell not well thought through or well crafted. You're watching others make mistakes you made or know will end badly and suddenly you're in slow motion yelling in that oh-so-dramatic-run-to-catch-the-falling-dynamite yell "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
But... you can't. The TNT has already dropped. You aren't going to possess this person and do their ritual for them. You aren't the girl who thinks she may have made a mistake and connected herself through a binding spell to someone that will end up doing what they were going to do in the first place once the spell has run its course. You are the person that doesn't feel like she wants to divine at everything that moves. Ok, I am the person who doesn't divine at everything that moves. I want to help people network and learn from one another.
I'm just a wonky lil witch that likes having coffee from time to time with people and talk experiences and practices with a side conversation of the daily special...whatever random stuffs going on that is.
Time is a construct built by man to understand the way the universe works. Linear, cyclical, tetrahedral, pointed or all encompassing. Whatever it is, I've moved through it and onto another time strand. Only thing is, is we're always doing that. Just this time I'm paying attention.
A woman died in our community. Debbie, Buffalo Dreamer. Not exactly how I was trying to explain the shift in dynamics, but it's a start. She died, and my Sister, Rowena, and I knew that it was our duty to start a farewell wreath that will travel to the loved ones of the lost. She will be the first ribbon tied once we can contact someone close to her and the time is right. The empty grapevine wreath will carry ribbons to remember those departed from this next sun cycle and will be burned in the fire on Samhain. This is just one part of the change...
This change has started slowly, but it is now in blooming. Strange, that as we approach the darkest time of the year, some things open up. I am no longer going to wait idly by for someone to tell me where to go, what to do, how to do it. I'm not going to just listen to my guides and say "That's good and all, but what do I do?" They give advice, cryptic advice for a reason. It is my life and I'm going to live it. I'm going to make a decision and move forward, be it through water or fire. I will walk the blade and study the cultures of my forefathers and mothers. I will try and understand what I can.
This sounds good and all, but what about life? Life...gets...in...the...way... Yes, it does indeed do that. That's why I said walking through fire. I've always backed away from fights...arguments...even debates. I'm not shying away from the words "I don't know." There are things in my life I want to nourish. I'm going to learn from those I call friend and foe, though I have a simple few of them both...and blessed few in the later category. And, I'm going to stir my mind up again. I'm going to work my mind until it hurts, you know that good hurt where your mind connects things it never connected before and for some reason everything tasted like purple for a second. I miss that.
Time to get busy. :) Starting with me, my universe, and I.
You can't change anyone but yourself. You give yourself pain when you try to make another see things your way. Truth in Change comes from within. Change in Truth comes from without. Connect the dots and revel in life, the universe, and everything. :)
Ok, enough analogies on fruit. I've been thinking on the fact that it's easy to drown yourself in others' mistakes in order to help them. Suggest they get on the ball when it comes to getting that ritual down or they will have a craptastic one at that. Or, watching a fledgling witch learn the response of a binding spell not well thought through or well crafted. You're watching others make mistakes you made or know will end badly and suddenly you're in slow motion yelling in that oh-so-dramatic-run-to-catch-the-falling-dynamite yell "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
But... you can't. The TNT has already dropped. You aren't going to possess this person and do their ritual for them. You aren't the girl who thinks she may have made a mistake and connected herself through a binding spell to someone that will end up doing what they were going to do in the first place once the spell has run its course. You are the person that doesn't feel like she wants to divine at everything that moves. Ok, I am the person who doesn't divine at everything that moves. I want to help people network and learn from one another.
I'm just a wonky lil witch that likes having coffee from time to time with people and talk experiences and practices with a side conversation of the daily special...whatever random stuffs going on that is.
Time is a construct built by man to understand the way the universe works. Linear, cyclical, tetrahedral, pointed or all encompassing. Whatever it is, I've moved through it and onto another time strand. Only thing is, is we're always doing that. Just this time I'm paying attention.
A woman died in our community. Debbie, Buffalo Dreamer. Not exactly how I was trying to explain the shift in dynamics, but it's a start. She died, and my Sister, Rowena, and I knew that it was our duty to start a farewell wreath that will travel to the loved ones of the lost. She will be the first ribbon tied once we can contact someone close to her and the time is right. The empty grapevine wreath will carry ribbons to remember those departed from this next sun cycle and will be burned in the fire on Samhain. This is just one part of the change...
This change has started slowly, but it is now in blooming. Strange, that as we approach the darkest time of the year, some things open up. I am no longer going to wait idly by for someone to tell me where to go, what to do, how to do it. I'm not going to just listen to my guides and say "That's good and all, but what do I do?" They give advice, cryptic advice for a reason. It is my life and I'm going to live it. I'm going to make a decision and move forward, be it through water or fire. I will walk the blade and study the cultures of my forefathers and mothers. I will try and understand what I can.
This sounds good and all, but what about life? Life...gets...in...the...way... Yes, it does indeed do that. That's why I said walking through fire. I've always backed away from fights...arguments...even debates. I'm not shying away from the words "I don't know." There are things in my life I want to nourish. I'm going to learn from those I call friend and foe, though I have a simple few of them both...and blessed few in the later category. And, I'm going to stir my mind up again. I'm going to work my mind until it hurts, you know that good hurt where your mind connects things it never connected before and for some reason everything tasted like purple for a second. I miss that.
Time to get busy. :) Starting with me, my universe, and I.
You can't change anyone but yourself. You give yourself pain when you try to make another see things your way. Truth in Change comes from within. Change in Truth comes from without. Connect the dots and revel in life, the universe, and everything. :)
Spiced Red Wine
Spiced Red Wine by Rowena Grey
Dry Ingredients:
-Cinnamon (1/2 t. ground and 1 stick)
-Allspice (1 t.)
-Black pepper ground (1 t.)
-Whole cloves (5)
-Nutmeg (1 t.)
-Fresh grated ginger (a dash)
-Brown sugar (1 spoonful)
Liquid Ingredients:
-3 L. red wine (Cabernet sauvignon or Merlot; I used Merlot)
-Honey (4 oz. - 1/2 c.)
-Pomegranate juice (2 oz - 1/4 c.)
-Orange juice (4 oz - 1/2 c.)
-New Moon Water (rain water collected during the new moon) (1 spoonful - optional)
Preparation:
-Pour 5 c. wine from the bottle and set to warm on low heat. Add cloves at this time.
-Grind all dry ingredients save brown sugar and ginger in a mortar and pestle and set aside.
-Mix honey, orange juice and pomegranate juice until well blended; there should be no honey remaining at the bottom of the container. (a fork or whisk is best)
-Add spice mixture to liquid ingredients and stir until once again well blended. This will take some time, but be patient.
-Add resulting mixture to warm wine. Ensure that the wine is ONLY WARM. Steam should rise, but nothing more. Add new moon water at this time.
-Allow wine to warm for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon.
-Add cinnamon stick and continue warming to allow the flavor to mature. This should take approximately ten (10) minutes.
-Remove cinnamon stick and continue warming the mixture for an additional twenty (20) minutes. This will bring the total warming time to one hour.
Final Mixture:
Once the hour has elapsed, remove the wine from the heat. Strain through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth into clean container and pour strained mixture back into the original bottle. Cap bottle firmly and shake well.
Maturation:
Store wine in a cool, dark place for several days, shaking well at least once a day. Re-strain the mixture if necessary and serve warm. (Heating wine over a fire just until steaming or on low heat is ideal)
Note: If you wish to charge your wine with energy, the mixing of the liquid ingredients and the further addition of the spice mixture both provide excellent opportunities for focus.
Dry Ingredients:
-Cinnamon (1/2 t. ground and 1 stick)
-Allspice (1 t.)
-Black pepper ground (1 t.)
-Whole cloves (5)
-Nutmeg (1 t.)
-Fresh grated ginger (a dash)
-Brown sugar (1 spoonful)
Liquid Ingredients:
-3 L. red wine (Cabernet sauvignon or Merlot; I used Merlot)
-Honey (4 oz. - 1/2 c.)
-Pomegranate juice (2 oz - 1/4 c.)
-Orange juice (4 oz - 1/2 c.)
-New Moon Water (rain water collected during the new moon) (1 spoonful - optional)
Preparation:
-Pour 5 c. wine from the bottle and set to warm on low heat. Add cloves at this time.
-Grind all dry ingredients save brown sugar and ginger in a mortar and pestle and set aside.
-Mix honey, orange juice and pomegranate juice until well blended; there should be no honey remaining at the bottom of the container. (a fork or whisk is best)
-Add spice mixture to liquid ingredients and stir until once again well blended. This will take some time, but be patient.
-Add resulting mixture to warm wine. Ensure that the wine is ONLY WARM. Steam should rise, but nothing more. Add new moon water at this time.
-Allow wine to warm for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon.
-Add cinnamon stick and continue warming to allow the flavor to mature. This should take approximately ten (10) minutes.
-Remove cinnamon stick and continue warming the mixture for an additional twenty (20) minutes. This will bring the total warming time to one hour.
Final Mixture:
Once the hour has elapsed, remove the wine from the heat. Strain through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth into clean container and pour strained mixture back into the original bottle. Cap bottle firmly and shake well.
Maturation:
Store wine in a cool, dark place for several days, shaking well at least once a day. Re-strain the mixture if necessary and serve warm. (Heating wine over a fire just until steaming or on low heat is ideal)
Note: If you wish to charge your wine with energy, the mixing of the liquid ingredients and the further addition of the spice mixture both provide excellent opportunities for focus.
For Toadbile :)
Well... I've been doing everything but posting...to most anywhere. I have absolutely no real excuse for this. Pardon the lack of Greyness in your blogging diet. ^_^ I've been lazy...albeit productive in other areas.
Samhain
For Samhain, I co-hosted the first ritual in a somewhat new Pagan networking group for NC called PEER (Pagan Educational Empowerment Resource). There's no hierarchy and it's just a group of us getting together and working on... well educating and empowering others through knowledge... oh and cake. Always cake... Well, to kick off the new group (I'll post our link, just cause, below...) my friend Rowena and I did an ancestor farewell ritual before the bonfire was lit. It was of our own design. We opened widdershins and continued to request the elements attendance. We called the Shadow Raven, a side of the Crone and The Horned One, Hunter and Hunted. We shared cakes and ale in honor of those who had passed, semi-homemade spiced wine (as we didn't make the actual wine specifically) and zucchini bread. We gave some to the Others and especially to ones lost to us. We burned our offerings in the fire. And man, was it a huge bonfire. Then, we danced and...proceeded to get soaked immediately after. The skies decided to wait until we finished bringing in all the ritual bits and bobs to drop the inch of rain it promised in the forecast. It was such a fire, it smoldered till mid-morning.
The only thing that went wrong was the freakin' white sage wouldn't stay lit. It was too damp outside, and perhaps my sage was a little older than previously thought. It smelled good though. I've never had issues with my sage staying lit...till then. If that's the only trick played on us that Samhain, I am happy for it. It was a success and so was the party after. Of course, I decided that the night of a gazillion raindrops would be the first time I slept in a tent...on the ground. Everything got wet save for us (in the wonderfully waterproof sleeping bags) and the tp. Yay, a sense of humor to start out the new year.
Resulting Effects
After calling the Horned One, it is interesting how it might effect someone who has never felt so drawn to Him until relatively recently. Bringing that sort of energy, so golden and resilient yet cool and grounded, into my life has helped me understand more than I thought I might. I've said things I thought I'd never say and stood by them without fear, because I said it through truth and honor. I've been more motivated to work on certain aspects of my life. Sad to say, it is easy for that energy to get away from you. It's like calling on a rushing river and trying to swim through it. It can be done, but you have to know which way the current is rushing in order to move forward. It has helped me become more aware of the parts in my nature that keep me from moving on. I have to deal with it now, or I'll have to deal with the exponentially expanded version later. I've made the decision to ride the Horned One's energies and am enjoying the experience. As, I'd hope anyone who had the experience to do so would. It is easy in this female focused subculture to gloss over the masculine side. I know I am guilty. I just didn't understand the energies until this year. I am glad to say I'm starting to get a pretty good grasp on things concerning the side of the divine known loosely as the Horned One.
I will publish Rowena's recipe for the spiced wine in a separate post for anyone interested in it. Blessings to you and yours.
http://www.peernc.org/
Samhain
For Samhain, I co-hosted the first ritual in a somewhat new Pagan networking group for NC called PEER (Pagan Educational Empowerment Resource). There's no hierarchy and it's just a group of us getting together and working on... well educating and empowering others through knowledge... oh and cake. Always cake... Well, to kick off the new group (I'll post our link, just cause, below...) my friend Rowena and I did an ancestor farewell ritual before the bonfire was lit. It was of our own design. We opened widdershins and continued to request the elements attendance. We called the Shadow Raven, a side of the Crone and The Horned One, Hunter and Hunted. We shared cakes and ale in honor of those who had passed, semi-homemade spiced wine (as we didn't make the actual wine specifically) and zucchini bread. We gave some to the Others and especially to ones lost to us. We burned our offerings in the fire. And man, was it a huge bonfire. Then, we danced and...proceeded to get soaked immediately after. The skies decided to wait until we finished bringing in all the ritual bits and bobs to drop the inch of rain it promised in the forecast. It was such a fire, it smoldered till mid-morning.
The only thing that went wrong was the freakin' white sage wouldn't stay lit. It was too damp outside, and perhaps my sage was a little older than previously thought. It smelled good though. I've never had issues with my sage staying lit...till then. If that's the only trick played on us that Samhain, I am happy for it. It was a success and so was the party after. Of course, I decided that the night of a gazillion raindrops would be the first time I slept in a tent...on the ground. Everything got wet save for us (in the wonderfully waterproof sleeping bags) and the tp. Yay, a sense of humor to start out the new year.
Resulting Effects
After calling the Horned One, it is interesting how it might effect someone who has never felt so drawn to Him until relatively recently. Bringing that sort of energy, so golden and resilient yet cool and grounded, into my life has helped me understand more than I thought I might. I've said things I thought I'd never say and stood by them without fear, because I said it through truth and honor. I've been more motivated to work on certain aspects of my life. Sad to say, it is easy for that energy to get away from you. It's like calling on a rushing river and trying to swim through it. It can be done, but you have to know which way the current is rushing in order to move forward. It has helped me become more aware of the parts in my nature that keep me from moving on. I have to deal with it now, or I'll have to deal with the exponentially expanded version later. I've made the decision to ride the Horned One's energies and am enjoying the experience. As, I'd hope anyone who had the experience to do so would. It is easy in this female focused subculture to gloss over the masculine side. I know I am guilty. I just didn't understand the energies until this year. I am glad to say I'm starting to get a pretty good grasp on things concerning the side of the divine known loosely as the Horned One.
I will publish Rowena's recipe for the spiced wine in a separate post for anyone interested in it. Blessings to you and yours.
http://www.peernc.org/
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Royal Order of the Knights of Herne: a visitor's thoughts
Ok, yes. It's been a while since I posted anything...at all. I've been working from Sunday to Sunday for the past month and before that...well...I just didn't have much to say.
I went to an all male Pagan group meeting the other day. In an umbrella of religions that are so varied and mixed, it is more rare than not to find an all male group. It's a lot easier to find either all female...it seems...or a hybrid group. So, it was refreshing to visit with the Knights of Herne, http://www.knightsofherne.org/, and be a quiet observer.
I went in with a friend of mine, she and I were the only females taking part in the meeting. The Knights of Herne is a "fraternal spirituality and service group for men of Earth-centered faiths." We were invited in by one of their members as visitors. Le and I sat near the back, trying to remain respectable of the 'maleness' that was the group. I suppose we didn't want to throw our estrogen around. However, we were coaxed up front to sit near the circle. As one of the members said "Hey ladies, testosterone isn't contagious." *chuckle* Well, I have to say it was nice being around a lot of my guy friends and feeling the difference in group energy with Herne as the inspiration and invocated diety. I found myself feeling a little jealous. I've found little enjoyment in all women groups larger than three. I don't know if it's because somehow we get dramatic, or I haven't found those special people. But really, I think I enjoy myself more with a mix. I think I'd miss the male energy and what it brings to a group. I find small groups of women work best. It's like a tighter knot. Of course, I've only been doing this magically-social thing for a little while now. I can say from here till tomorrow that I have had plenty of experience as coming up on 11 years in the Craft. But, I'm bullsh*tting {yes...I said bull...shotting :) } How much can you learn when starting young? ...I know...a lot. But, I keep finding there's so much more to learn. So much more wisdom to find. And, when you're alone, you are easily distracted. Easily taken off course and move on to other things. Having a coven or circle helps keep you on track. It helps have common goals to feel responsible for. If you are like me, *coughs* lazy *coughs*, you can find that you only want to learn what you want to learn. Oh, I love rocks. Lets learn about them. Oh, I love divination...lets only learn about tarot and reading those bits of herbs at the bottom of my cup. Nevermind, I dunno, scrying. Yeah, gets boring. Nevermind consistant meditation. I am someone that needs a group right now in my life. I'm too random. Yes, I am a hard worker, but I am also lazy when it comes to doing something I don't want to do or learn.
Watching the men work as a whole, invoking, sounding out to the Lord of the Hall, and near the end passing the wine horn. I was a little jealous. Having a group of...I dunno...*counts on fingers and toes and other people's toes....* 17 or so men joining together to discuss being better people, Pagans, and uphold honor....I liked that. Why don't we do that? Honor is as much belonging to women as it does men...why don't we own it? We use words like respect, yes, but honor? I hardly hear that in a women's group. As a woman, I like it. It's something I think that says a lot about a person to have honor. It's about integrity, personal morals, and showing yourself as true through actions not words. Perhaps I just haven't gone to the right women's groups?
When passing the horn, a man turned to me. He was tall, dark curly black hair and had the build of a blacksmith, and he said kindly "From brother to sister..." I liked that. I felt safe. I felt happy. (I eventually felt a lot more happy after a few more rounds of the horn...man am I a lightweight) I think women should think more on this idea of honor and fraternity. Sisterhood...it is a precious thing. We should take it to heart that we are precious and worthy of honor and of bestowing it on others. There should be humility along with our ideals of feminine leadership. We should also be chivilric. I think, perhaps, we don't show that characteristic nearly enough. Thank you men of the K.O.H. for sharing your Order with us. It was enlightening.
I went to an all male Pagan group meeting the other day. In an umbrella of religions that are so varied and mixed, it is more rare than not to find an all male group. It's a lot easier to find either all female...it seems...or a hybrid group. So, it was refreshing to visit with the Knights of Herne, http://www.knightsofherne.org/, and be a quiet observer.
I went in with a friend of mine, she and I were the only females taking part in the meeting. The Knights of Herne is a "fraternal spirituality and service group for men of Earth-centered faiths." We were invited in by one of their members as visitors. Le and I sat near the back, trying to remain respectable of the 'maleness' that was the group. I suppose we didn't want to throw our estrogen around. However, we were coaxed up front to sit near the circle. As one of the members said "Hey ladies, testosterone isn't contagious." *chuckle* Well, I have to say it was nice being around a lot of my guy friends and feeling the difference in group energy with Herne as the inspiration and invocated diety. I found myself feeling a little jealous. I've found little enjoyment in all women groups larger than three. I don't know if it's because somehow we get dramatic, or I haven't found those special people. But really, I think I enjoy myself more with a mix. I think I'd miss the male energy and what it brings to a group. I find small groups of women work best. It's like a tighter knot. Of course, I've only been doing this magically-social thing for a little while now. I can say from here till tomorrow that I have had plenty of experience as coming up on 11 years in the Craft. But, I'm bullsh*tting {yes...I said bull...shotting :) } How much can you learn when starting young? ...I know...a lot. But, I keep finding there's so much more to learn. So much more wisdom to find. And, when you're alone, you are easily distracted. Easily taken off course and move on to other things. Having a coven or circle helps keep you on track. It helps have common goals to feel responsible for. If you are like me, *coughs* lazy *coughs*, you can find that you only want to learn what you want to learn. Oh, I love rocks. Lets learn about them. Oh, I love divination...lets only learn about tarot and reading those bits of herbs at the bottom of my cup. Nevermind, I dunno, scrying. Yeah, gets boring. Nevermind consistant meditation. I am someone that needs a group right now in my life. I'm too random. Yes, I am a hard worker, but I am also lazy when it comes to doing something I don't want to do or learn.
Watching the men work as a whole, invoking, sounding out to the Lord of the Hall, and near the end passing the wine horn. I was a little jealous. Having a group of...I dunno...*counts on fingers and toes and other people's toes....* 17 or so men joining together to discuss being better people, Pagans, and uphold honor....I liked that. Why don't we do that? Honor is as much belonging to women as it does men...why don't we own it? We use words like respect, yes, but honor? I hardly hear that in a women's group. As a woman, I like it. It's something I think that says a lot about a person to have honor. It's about integrity, personal morals, and showing yourself as true through actions not words. Perhaps I just haven't gone to the right women's groups?
When passing the horn, a man turned to me. He was tall, dark curly black hair and had the build of a blacksmith, and he said kindly "From brother to sister..." I liked that. I felt safe. I felt happy. (I eventually felt a lot more happy after a few more rounds of the horn...man am I a lightweight) I think women should think more on this idea of honor and fraternity. Sisterhood...it is a precious thing. We should take it to heart that we are precious and worthy of honor and of bestowing it on others. There should be humility along with our ideals of feminine leadership. We should also be chivilric. I think, perhaps, we don't show that characteristic nearly enough. Thank you men of the K.O.H. for sharing your Order with us. It was enlightening.
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