Sacred Innocence

What is more powerful, the imagination of a child or the wisdom of an Elder? Thinking on this, I pondered. Power is something that is given to oneself. Power is something experienced, but often chased after as something to attain. Innocence is generally something that is destroyed or colored as one ages and experiences life in all its pains, fears and sharp experiences. Innocence is something remembered, loved and cherished. It is also something overlooked.

Fleeting moments of laughter stitches. Momentary frolicking in a pile of hay. Reminiscing about tea parties with your own children as you sit as a member in a youth's theatrical imagination. Then, you have to stop laughing and go back to your paperwork. You have to clean up all those itchy strands of straw and feed the horses. You have to clean the tea set and pick up the boys from soccer practice. The life you've been living with adult needs and adult values takes over.

So, what is more powerful? Child or Sage? The imagination of a child is still not segmented into colors and shading of experience. The imagination of a child is actually experiencing how to organize their synaptic activity in a way they want. They start out reaching for dreams instead of postponing them. And what of the Sage. The Sage would have experienced quite a lot of life. Been a child. Been a mother/father (if not biologically, to others in their life). Seen death. Seen the ways of human nature and mother nature. The Sage Knows. Two iconic figures in life that bring a strong reaction. The young Maiden. The elder Crone. Yes, we are all knowledgeable of the young lady figure we see in the Triple Goddess statues. The vibrant maiden ripe as a peach and ready to begin her journey into womanhood. What off the child? What of the one that is fresh from birth and still able to sense the Before? The connection between Life and Death is close as well as a wisdom very similar to the Sage... an honest clear sense of Knowing.

So, I suppose that would be the Child Sage... quite similar to the childlike Buddha mentioned in the Osho Zen Tarot card "Awareness." The childlike Buddha appears after a cool fire burns the veil of illusion. The Child Sage is beyond illusion. So why do we see the innocent as naive or weak? It is because we know the many things in this world that will devour the innocent and tear it asunder. But, how can you render an idea? You can't, at least not very easily. The idea of innocence is something that lives on as each child is born. The potential of life, the exploration of the simple as well as complex matters of the mind, heart, spirit and surrounding environment. The innocence within may hide behind a shadow of fear or doubt... or even an active ignoring of said inner child. We know this because we live in the 'real world.' We don't all go frolicking around... but... neither does the inner child. There is a time for contemplation as well as rest and play. As much as we need an adult opinion and responsible nature, we need to allow ourselves to let loose our mind and spread imagination in new and inventive ways. We need to set aside stress and fears so that we may actually be able to enjoy life. That is, indeed, the innocent nature of humanity. The battery behind our exploratory nature is the pure light of the Child Sage, the untouched one. Though we use this battery to explore things of all sorts that color the light in shades of study, expression, motherhood, career, sexuality and things not normally associated with youth, it remains vitally bright and brilliant white like whitest wool before staining or the canvas beneath a portrait.

The innocence of self is important when your energy centers need filling. It is a sacred thing... a sacred state and something to be honored, not overlooked. The wisdom of the inner child is joy of the game of life. If you can appreciate this, then maybe you're not as far away from your Child Sage than previously thought.

Blessings to you and yours,
Greymentality

Perhaps a rant...

People are stupid annoying creatures while the occasional individual can be thought provoking and sincere with redeeming attributes... I just want a little rant about the former...

Concerning people who take advantage of the elderly... shame on you. You know what happens to those who shame a family or community? They get ignored, cast out and turned into a pariah. Shame on you who do these things. Survivors, yes... but you're digging a hole the way you go about it. Humane, no. Respected, no. You are the limp old celery in the back of the refrigerator that's gone bad... there was a chance you were useful, but now you are a slimy disgusting parcel of tasteless fibers.... and the only thing holding you together is the will of the universe and the mercy of your once strong substance given to you at birth until you went and fraked it all up. And you bring too much attention to yourselves. One day you will pray on the wrong person and karma will come to collect... or an angry witch.

Concerning pedophiles who think they really love children... you do not love children. Your mind is warped into thinking children can be mentally able to understand the consequences of a sexual relationship. The year is 2010 C.E., not 2,000 B.C.E. This is not ancient Greece. Therefore, there is no sociological structure for you to put your putrid harmful ideals in this day and age. Children are children. And if you think 'loving' them is a good thing... that you are a mentor showing affection... that they really want it? Then you should think back to when you were 7 years old. Were you able to make a logical decision when it came to... well... most anything? Heck, when you were 13... were you ready to have sex and be mentally able to understand what that meant?? If you answered yes, then you have more issues than just being a predator to children. You're deluded. Love is not scarring a child for the rest of their life making them more likely to focus in on abusive situations and addictive substances. You deserve everything that happens to you once you go to prison.

Concerning date rapists... When the woman is drunk and unable to speak... she is in no shape for sex. There is no way consent is possible. You have just raped someone. When you steal away the choices of another by forcing yourself into them... you may feel powerful. You may feel that you have just made yourself unforgettable and wedged into their memory as vividly as their first time. You are right. You have also fed your inner child away to a greedy demonic energy each and every time you do this until you have no core left. Only the craving of destruction and the empty resounding of a pin drop... your integrity is S.O.L. I dislike the thought of you. I dislike the fact that I've met you before. I dislike the fact that I've shared the same oxygen in the same room with you. What I dislike the most is that you never admit it... and you think you're a good person. Good luck with that...

Concerning rude people. You get more flies with honey than vinegar... just make sure you're not in neck deep sand when you decide to use it. :) Flies aren't the only ones who like honey. Ants do too. :)

Finally... I'm not going to go beat up anyone. I'm just tired of annoying sadistic sorry excuses for life that do these things. It's better to talk about it than let it fester yes? Just didn't want anyone worried I'll go all vigilante... It's just been a long week.

Thanks for listening...
Greymentality

Pagan Night Out

Around two years ago, our local Pagan Night Out was canceled. People scattered... and many lost touch. Sad to say, it was sorely missed... especially by me. So, we starting it again this Friday. :) There will be cake. There will be fun. And, there will be Pagan Show N' Tell. I've discovered that if you're missing something in the community, most likely others are too. It's simple. Just people getting together. And, it's finally coming to fruition. I'm giddy that this is finally happening. However, I am curious. As someone new to hosting events, I am wondering if anyone has any advice concerning herding the cats that are the Pagan community. Anyone have any strange/interesting/helpful suggestions/stories you'd like to share? Anyway, update...updated. :)

Blessings,
Greymentality

Health and Obesity in Pagan Life

Among dog toys, dirty dishes, unmade beds and the squeaking of a hedgehog... I found my center. Yes yes, I cleaned up the dishes....basically. I made the bed and corralled the toys. Then, I went to the gym. I have come to the point where I need to better my body as well as my spirit. It's all energy right? I've been taking long walks with the dog the past week and broke my record time on the elliptical. I've actually been having mindful exercise and healthy activity. So... why did I start thinking this way? I mean... I've had similar thoughts before about being active. But, why now?

One night as I was going to sleep, I started... well having a discussion with myself. The shadow self, the unknown threw some things in my face that I needed to deal with. Well, one thing. I'm fat. Obese. Yes, I think I'm beautiful. Yes I think I'm sexy. But no, I do not treat my body the way it deserves. I weigh 225lbs and am 5'4". I have all of the ingredients to get myself to the health level I know I should be... I'm just lazy. I'd rather be on the computer than taking walks. I'd rather be watching t.v. than playing sports. I've been ignoring a problem in my life for a long time.

Enough of that... lets discuss the need to be healthy as a Pagan, heck as a witch. As a Pagan, I view nature as sacred. The neutral awe-inspiring beauty and savage terror associated with all that is. Nature, with its small shows of compassion paralleled with the cravings of survival... if I were to go out into the woods...and survive... I'd have it much more difficult than someone who weighed 100lbs less than me. When a predator is chasing you, you only have to outrun the slowest person... and... that would be me. >_< Anywho, I'm not presenting myself as sacred to the divine. The body is the expression of the strands and particles that form out of an amazing pattern of my ancestors... DNA... water, carbon and trace elements + spark = me. So, why do I want to kill myself early? I'd rather be here celebrating life and doing my work. And as a witch, well... anyone who understand energy mechanics will know that someone who is out of shape will not let flow energy as well as someone (with the same skill level) who is in shape. It'll make me a better witch. A better Pagan. A better woman.

So, this is all the same stuff you've probably heard before. On shows like "The Biggest Loser" and the infomercials of "Jenny Craig." People saying "I hate getting clothes just so that they'd fit me... I hate that I can't go on rides with my child because of my weight..." All of this I've heard before. I've felt similarly before. It's like someone who smokes cigarettes and wants to quit... you gotta keep trying or you'll never succeed. I know that my local Pagan community, just like the rest of the U.S. is fighting this. Does anyone know of a Pagan weight-loss/health groups so that people could check in and share online or heck offline? I've looked and couldn't find one...course I didn't look to hard. I've been off my tuchus lately and not in front of the pc as much. Which is good... I'm just thankful and excited about the fact that I'm going to look exactly like I look when I dream, instead of the woman who ate her.

Blessings,
Greymentality

Curses, Anger, Ethics and Chili

Deep...fire...a heart blackened by adrenaline streaked anger. Hands that tremor normally are suddenly still. A chest that would normally be warm is now spreading out piping hot heat toward the appendages. A face that's autopilot includes a gentle if not goofy smile and eyes understandingly soft has shifted to another face. A face from the darker side of emotion and character. Usually it is kept chained underneath pleasantries and ethics. Usually people push it under the rug only letting it sneak to the top when a button is pushed or the boiling point is reached. The face of anger.

As a child, I was taught how to 'control' anger... only instead of control, they meant ignore until it goes away or become passive or even put the anger felt to others on yourself. I've been trying to give anger the respect it deserves as an adult, but I haven't felt a pure anger without sadness mixed in before, until now. Within the past week (I will not include too detailed a synopsis because that would be airing my laundry a bit too much), I've observed the consequences of two women siphoning money from someone I love who is 81 years old and has dementia. Over the past 6 months, they have found a way to take over $10,000, more or less, of his savings for their greed. He is not rich either. For the first time in... ever... I've had a seriously strong urge to curse someone.

I felt the dark flame rise up. I went through my repertoire of efficient craftings I've learned over the years... ways to make a curse as potent and painful as possible. The pros and cons of using blood... The ways to tear at their chords in order to make them spring back like a cat o' nine tails. The Law of Return. The most emotionless to the most passionate. The sharp to the slow. I felt it. I knew. I could do this more easily than heal the situation. And oh...would it be sweet. I knew... and I did not do this.

I didn't refrain because of the fact that this could cause serious damage to someone's life and all the lives associated with them. I didn't refrain because they may die. I didn't refrain because it would be a slow torture that I'd feel badly about later. I refrained because I knew it wasn't me. I've always known that if anyone messes with those I love, I'd return some sort of...something to the situation. No mercy. Well, it didn't occur exactly how I'd expected. So, I know that saying this might seem that I'm showing my hand to those who may want to take advantage of someone and think..."Oh, she's an open target...won't fight back when pushed..." No. I just knew that the damage to my character would cause me more harm than good if I continued vengeance on pitiful human beings that would smuggle money from a man who deserves respect as an elder. I can't just ram into everything and be done with it. The situation is in need of delicate work. Besides, if I cursed someone it would indeed be a powerful one with the emotion behind it. But, I wouldn't have sorted out the working... there would be consequences on the karmic level to not only me, but those I love and care for.

So what does it mean to curse? Merriam-Webster Online says that to curse means (other than saying insolent things to a person): to call upon divine or supernatural power to send injury upon or to bring great evil upon. (1) Yup. Sounds about right. Now, some people split hairs and say that they send out a karmic-retribution spell. "It's not a curse, it's their karma coming back on them." Well, it's gonna hurt ain't it? Curse! Now. I thought about doing this as well. Less energy used on my end. All of their karma on top of what they're up to. Poof! Bam! Wack! Drip drip... ka-flunk. Thud. Nothing so amusing as the Karma Fairy popping down in a glittery cloud only to hit someone over the head with a metallic heavy blunt instrument in the shape of a baseball bat. As someone who has faith that the divine will work things out... I need to have faith that this will indeed happen at some point for those women. Only... karmic justice isn't my job. I told my brother that I am a tool for the divine and I do what I need to do...not always what I want to do.

This is one of the occasions where I must bite my spell flinging tongue and help the person who is in trouble and in need of healing. It's more difficult in my opinion to heal than it is to destroy. It takes more time usually... Now, there is a chance I might change my mind depending on the situation. However, if I do end up cursing someone... it will be a surgical strike and not a rampant rage-fest. I do wonder though... how many people who practice use curses as a regular and normal part of their lives? Depending on their perspective on how they live their life, have they found a way to make it a healthy part of their spiritual journey? Is it easier to be a passion flogged hedonist or a tedious priestess in order to send out a curse? Where does morality sink in here?

The logical side of myself steadied my hand and I decided to instead analyze the variety of frustration I was feeling. So... in response to this spiritual experimentation and grumblies, tonight I made chili as it was doing all sorts of cold weather today. Sunny, then pea-sized hail, then rain, then sleet, then rain and snow, then quiet cold... I figured chili will make up for it. I spoke with my mother while I stirred the pot splattering the microwave with tomato bits. We laughed. We hugged. We shared thoughts. We listened.

I realized the subtleties of having a mother who wants to give and create a lovingly warm night of family bonding and laughter is just as important as the subtle sharpness I felt in my shadow self. The warmth is tastier and enjoyable. The cold is easier to notice and feed off of. What do my ethics tell me of using my light and dark emotions alongside my Craft? It says: Use them both. Use them both, but be honorable in your work. Too much cold will kill parts of yourself while too much warmth can keep you from learning from the ignored and unseen. Now, you just know yourself better. Now you are ready to learn more. Even the flame holds a shadow...

Blessings,
Greymentality

(1) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cursing

Is it worth it?

People care so much about feeding fears and paranoia, so much so that they feed it friendships and enough time/energy that it can make them sick. Why do people care so much? And why have we not weeded this out over an evolutionary time line? I'm not perfect. I'm saying this with that in mind. I have had fears. I haven't always reacted well with them. But, I am thinking now from a more objective point of view.

Event: A person walks next to a house and stops. Looks at something and moves on.
Perspective 1 (the person): I walk by a friend's house on my way to town. I see the statue they told me about as I walk past. I wave at the house and move on.
Perspective 2 (person from house): Sees a woman walk next to her house and peer in. Questions her motivations and feeds fear.
Perspective 3 (the dog next door): I smell a person. I hear a person. I see a person walking down the street. Alert! Alert! *bark bark bark*
Perspective 4 (the sun): I am the sun. I shine. I exist.

The twist of events is geared toward emotion often when people do not realize it. The event itself is what it is. An event. It happened. It's over. Memory isn't the most dependable reflection we may have. When we reflect in water, the image is often skewed unless the water is still. How often in this life does water stay so still we can reflect a perfect image? Perfection in existence is an ideal better understood through simplicity. Emotions, though simple, twist events so that the ripples are more complicated..more tangled.

Be careful how much energy you give a perspective. In a way, it's all you have.

Blessings,
Greymentality

My dog ate my Book of Shadows...

Well...he ate some of it. More like, he ate the corner spine of the book I keep some of my spiritual thoughts and reflections in. I go into my room and my schnauzer has found the notebook (which was still in a bag of all things) and ate a corner off. I am just thankful he didn't eat the pages. I had a moment where I thought: Should I freak? Or should I just shrug it off? I chose the shrug. Then the thought came into my mind: What if he ate the entirety of the volume I've been working on? Thoughts of sadness, anger, frustration and lack of control flew through my mind and... another one flashed.

*Flash!* Snap out of it! Are you your Book of Shadows? Does it take away the power within? Does it take away the power without? Save for the fact you put energy into something and it came near to destruction, what all have you lost?

Nothing. If I give power to the fear, I give power to something other than myself. I lose. Besides, the acceptance that I am not master of all is actually quite freeing. I need a little wack off my high horse on occasion, a little slap out of my pride. Besides, I love my dog. What's more important? ... I know some people would actually say that their Book of Shadows is much more important than their pet. That's their prerogative. That's their choice. In a way, I tie my own hands by allowing myself to live a life of personal morals that include: Must Love Dogs. And, as long as I'm okay with the outcome, be it shredded carpets, missing glasses and a not-so-perfect binding for my thoughts... I will just have to accept it with a sigh and a shrug.

In other news, I actually did post a more recent blog on here. A nice long enjoyable one...and...it just...didn't work... As a person that is used to cutting and pasting her work from a word document to blogs, it is somewhat annoying to realize that blogger just doesn't like that. I wouldn't mind any advice there on how to be able to succeed in cutting and pasting info. from another source so that I can share with you guys on blogspot.. I know nothing of Html. So, if anyone knows how to fix this problem, I'm all ears. :)

Also in other news, I've been active in the Bardic Circle that's been going on in the area. I look forward to the next one which is the Friday after Imbolc. But, what I've been quite excited about is that I've decided to be the contact for the return of the Pagan Night Out. I miss it. It was something I came to depend on, and for over two years, it's just not been happening. So... we're starting it in March and thanks to a very nice small business owner named Tavane, we have a place. I think the area needs it, at least to depend on a continuous event that has both the organization of having presentations etc. and the social hour after (in a place people know and love...next door to the local Pagan/Earth Centered Trad. store). With the help of my friend Rowena and anyone else who'd like to help out, I am thankful for this chance to start anew something that I think will be a big help for those who just need a break.

I've also learned something else...and this is perhaps more important and a tad serious compared to the former part of this post. My mother had to go to the emergency room a few weeks ago. She was having complications from a previous surgery to her abdomen. Before anyone freaks, she's fine now. However, she kept asking me what I saw. If everything was okay. Frightened and in pain, she wanted answers. I couldn't give them. I told her exactly what I saw, a bulging with contractions of pain pushing in right *and I'd point to the place where I saw it* there. There was movement of energy and no black spots. But, I couldn't decipher it. First, I was exhausted and it was early in the morning. I wasn't on my A game. Second, I'd never seen energy that way before. I did feel helpless, at least when it came to telling her what I saw.

Then, I have to have another flash of *Snap out of it!* because a) I'm not a doctor, b) I did the best thing I could have done by taking her to the ER and contacted/updated everyone. c) Everything turned out fine. She had surgery and got the problem fixed.

She's going back to work on Tuesday and she's feeling great. :)

So in conclusion: Preparation and decisive actions used in accordance with a brain = positive outcome (most likely) Thanks for reading and enjoy your Imbolc.

Blessings,
Greymentality