You cannot live a life lived by someone else... or your own life is fruitless... And who will be there to defend your orchard if you're elsewhere...?
Ok, enough analogies on fruit. I've been thinking on the fact that it's easy to drown yourself in others' mistakes in order to help them. Suggest they get on the ball when it comes to getting that ritual down or they will have a craptastic one at that. Or, watching a fledgling witch learn the response of a binding spell not well thought through or well crafted. You're watching others make mistakes you made or know will end badly and suddenly you're in slow motion yelling in that oh-so-dramatic-run-to-catch-the-falling-dynamite yell "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
But... you can't. The TNT has already dropped. You aren't going to possess this person and do their ritual for them. You aren't the girl who thinks she may have made a mistake and connected herself through a binding spell to someone that will end up doing what they were going to do in the first place once the spell has run its course. You are the person that doesn't feel like she wants to divine at everything that moves. Ok, I am the person who doesn't divine at everything that moves. I want to help people network and learn from one another.
I'm just a wonky lil witch that likes having coffee from time to time with people and talk experiences and practices with a side conversation of the daily special...whatever random stuffs going on that is.
Time is a construct built by man to understand the way the universe works. Linear, cyclical, tetrahedral, pointed or all encompassing. Whatever it is, I've moved through it and onto another time strand. Only thing is, is we're always doing that. Just this time I'm paying attention.
A woman died in our community. Debbie, Buffalo Dreamer. Not exactly how I was trying to explain the shift in dynamics, but it's a start. She died, and my Sister, Rowena, and I knew that it was our duty to start a farewell wreath that will travel to the loved ones of the lost. She will be the first ribbon tied once we can contact someone close to her and the time is right. The empty grapevine wreath will carry ribbons to remember those departed from this next sun cycle and will be burned in the fire on Samhain. This is just one part of the change...
This change has started slowly, but it is now in blooming. Strange, that as we approach the darkest time of the year, some things open up. I am no longer going to wait idly by for someone to tell me where to go, what to do, how to do it. I'm not going to just listen to my guides and say "That's good and all, but what do I do?" They give advice, cryptic advice for a reason. It is my life and I'm going to live it. I'm going to make a decision and move forward, be it through water or fire. I will walk the blade and study the cultures of my forefathers and mothers. I will try and understand what I can.
This sounds good and all, but what about life? Life...gets...in...the...way... Yes, it does indeed do that. That's why I said walking through fire. I've always backed away from fights...arguments...even debates. I'm not shying away from the words "I don't know." There are things in my life I want to nourish. I'm going to learn from those I call friend and foe, though I have a simple few of them both...and blessed few in the later category. And, I'm going to stir my mind up again. I'm going to work my mind until it hurts, you know that good hurt where your mind connects things it never connected before and for some reason everything tasted like purple for a second. I miss that.
Time to get busy. :) Starting with me, my universe, and I.
You can't change anyone but yourself. You give yourself pain when you try to make another see things your way. Truth in Change comes from within. Change in Truth comes from without. Connect the dots and revel in life, the universe, and everything. :)
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Spiced Red Wine
Spiced Red Wine by Rowena Grey
Dry Ingredients:
-Cinnamon (1/2 t. ground and 1 stick)
-Allspice (1 t.)
-Black pepper ground (1 t.)
-Whole cloves (5)
-Nutmeg (1 t.)
-Fresh grated ginger (a dash)
-Brown sugar (1 spoonful)
Liquid Ingredients:
-3 L. red wine (Cabernet sauvignon or Merlot; I used Merlot)
-Honey (4 oz. - 1/2 c.)
-Pomegranate juice (2 oz - 1/4 c.)
-Orange juice (4 oz - 1/2 c.)
-New Moon Water (rain water collected during the new moon) (1 spoonful - optional)
Preparation:
-Pour 5 c. wine from the bottle and set to warm on low heat. Add cloves at this time.
-Grind all dry ingredients save brown sugar and ginger in a mortar and pestle and set aside.
-Mix honey, orange juice and pomegranate juice until well blended; there should be no honey remaining at the bottom of the container. (a fork or whisk is best)
-Add spice mixture to liquid ingredients and stir until once again well blended. This will take some time, but be patient.
-Add resulting mixture to warm wine. Ensure that the wine is ONLY WARM. Steam should rise, but nothing more. Add new moon water at this time.
-Allow wine to warm for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon.
-Add cinnamon stick and continue warming to allow the flavor to mature. This should take approximately ten (10) minutes.
-Remove cinnamon stick and continue warming the mixture for an additional twenty (20) minutes. This will bring the total warming time to one hour.
Final Mixture:
Once the hour has elapsed, remove the wine from the heat. Strain through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth into clean container and pour strained mixture back into the original bottle. Cap bottle firmly and shake well.
Maturation:
Store wine in a cool, dark place for several days, shaking well at least once a day. Re-strain the mixture if necessary and serve warm. (Heating wine over a fire just until steaming or on low heat is ideal)
Note: If you wish to charge your wine with energy, the mixing of the liquid ingredients and the further addition of the spice mixture both provide excellent opportunities for focus.
Dry Ingredients:
-Cinnamon (1/2 t. ground and 1 stick)
-Allspice (1 t.)
-Black pepper ground (1 t.)
-Whole cloves (5)
-Nutmeg (1 t.)
-Fresh grated ginger (a dash)
-Brown sugar (1 spoonful)
Liquid Ingredients:
-3 L. red wine (Cabernet sauvignon or Merlot; I used Merlot)
-Honey (4 oz. - 1/2 c.)
-Pomegranate juice (2 oz - 1/4 c.)
-Orange juice (4 oz - 1/2 c.)
-New Moon Water (rain water collected during the new moon) (1 spoonful - optional)
Preparation:
-Pour 5 c. wine from the bottle and set to warm on low heat. Add cloves at this time.
-Grind all dry ingredients save brown sugar and ginger in a mortar and pestle and set aside.
-Mix honey, orange juice and pomegranate juice until well blended; there should be no honey remaining at the bottom of the container. (a fork or whisk is best)
-Add spice mixture to liquid ingredients and stir until once again well blended. This will take some time, but be patient.
-Add resulting mixture to warm wine. Ensure that the wine is ONLY WARM. Steam should rise, but nothing more. Add new moon water at this time.
-Allow wine to warm for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon.
-Add cinnamon stick and continue warming to allow the flavor to mature. This should take approximately ten (10) minutes.
-Remove cinnamon stick and continue warming the mixture for an additional twenty (20) minutes. This will bring the total warming time to one hour.
Final Mixture:
Once the hour has elapsed, remove the wine from the heat. Strain through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth into clean container and pour strained mixture back into the original bottle. Cap bottle firmly and shake well.
Maturation:
Store wine in a cool, dark place for several days, shaking well at least once a day. Re-strain the mixture if necessary and serve warm. (Heating wine over a fire just until steaming or on low heat is ideal)
Note: If you wish to charge your wine with energy, the mixing of the liquid ingredients and the further addition of the spice mixture both provide excellent opportunities for focus.
For Toadbile :)
Well... I've been doing everything but posting...to most anywhere. I have absolutely no real excuse for this. Pardon the lack of Greyness in your blogging diet. ^_^ I've been lazy...albeit productive in other areas.
Samhain
For Samhain, I co-hosted the first ritual in a somewhat new Pagan networking group for NC called PEER (Pagan Educational Empowerment Resource). There's no hierarchy and it's just a group of us getting together and working on... well educating and empowering others through knowledge... oh and cake. Always cake... Well, to kick off the new group (I'll post our link, just cause, below...) my friend Rowena and I did an ancestor farewell ritual before the bonfire was lit. It was of our own design. We opened widdershins and continued to request the elements attendance. We called the Shadow Raven, a side of the Crone and The Horned One, Hunter and Hunted. We shared cakes and ale in honor of those who had passed, semi-homemade spiced wine (as we didn't make the actual wine specifically) and zucchini bread. We gave some to the Others and especially to ones lost to us. We burned our offerings in the fire. And man, was it a huge bonfire. Then, we danced and...proceeded to get soaked immediately after. The skies decided to wait until we finished bringing in all the ritual bits and bobs to drop the inch of rain it promised in the forecast. It was such a fire, it smoldered till mid-morning.
The only thing that went wrong was the freakin' white sage wouldn't stay lit. It was too damp outside, and perhaps my sage was a little older than previously thought. It smelled good though. I've never had issues with my sage staying lit...till then. If that's the only trick played on us that Samhain, I am happy for it. It was a success and so was the party after. Of course, I decided that the night of a gazillion raindrops would be the first time I slept in a tent...on the ground. Everything got wet save for us (in the wonderfully waterproof sleeping bags) and the tp. Yay, a sense of humor to start out the new year.
Resulting Effects
After calling the Horned One, it is interesting how it might effect someone who has never felt so drawn to Him until relatively recently. Bringing that sort of energy, so golden and resilient yet cool and grounded, into my life has helped me understand more than I thought I might. I've said things I thought I'd never say and stood by them without fear, because I said it through truth and honor. I've been more motivated to work on certain aspects of my life. Sad to say, it is easy for that energy to get away from you. It's like calling on a rushing river and trying to swim through it. It can be done, but you have to know which way the current is rushing in order to move forward. It has helped me become more aware of the parts in my nature that keep me from moving on. I have to deal with it now, or I'll have to deal with the exponentially expanded version later. I've made the decision to ride the Horned One's energies and am enjoying the experience. As, I'd hope anyone who had the experience to do so would. It is easy in this female focused subculture to gloss over the masculine side. I know I am guilty. I just didn't understand the energies until this year. I am glad to say I'm starting to get a pretty good grasp on things concerning the side of the divine known loosely as the Horned One.
I will publish Rowena's recipe for the spiced wine in a separate post for anyone interested in it. Blessings to you and yours.
http://www.peernc.org/
Samhain
For Samhain, I co-hosted the first ritual in a somewhat new Pagan networking group for NC called PEER (Pagan Educational Empowerment Resource). There's no hierarchy and it's just a group of us getting together and working on... well educating and empowering others through knowledge... oh and cake. Always cake... Well, to kick off the new group (I'll post our link, just cause, below...) my friend Rowena and I did an ancestor farewell ritual before the bonfire was lit. It was of our own design. We opened widdershins and continued to request the elements attendance. We called the Shadow Raven, a side of the Crone and The Horned One, Hunter and Hunted. We shared cakes and ale in honor of those who had passed, semi-homemade spiced wine (as we didn't make the actual wine specifically) and zucchini bread. We gave some to the Others and especially to ones lost to us. We burned our offerings in the fire. And man, was it a huge bonfire. Then, we danced and...proceeded to get soaked immediately after. The skies decided to wait until we finished bringing in all the ritual bits and bobs to drop the inch of rain it promised in the forecast. It was such a fire, it smoldered till mid-morning.
The only thing that went wrong was the freakin' white sage wouldn't stay lit. It was too damp outside, and perhaps my sage was a little older than previously thought. It smelled good though. I've never had issues with my sage staying lit...till then. If that's the only trick played on us that Samhain, I am happy for it. It was a success and so was the party after. Of course, I decided that the night of a gazillion raindrops would be the first time I slept in a tent...on the ground. Everything got wet save for us (in the wonderfully waterproof sleeping bags) and the tp. Yay, a sense of humor to start out the new year.
Resulting Effects
After calling the Horned One, it is interesting how it might effect someone who has never felt so drawn to Him until relatively recently. Bringing that sort of energy, so golden and resilient yet cool and grounded, into my life has helped me understand more than I thought I might. I've said things I thought I'd never say and stood by them without fear, because I said it through truth and honor. I've been more motivated to work on certain aspects of my life. Sad to say, it is easy for that energy to get away from you. It's like calling on a rushing river and trying to swim through it. It can be done, but you have to know which way the current is rushing in order to move forward. It has helped me become more aware of the parts in my nature that keep me from moving on. I have to deal with it now, or I'll have to deal with the exponentially expanded version later. I've made the decision to ride the Horned One's energies and am enjoying the experience. As, I'd hope anyone who had the experience to do so would. It is easy in this female focused subculture to gloss over the masculine side. I know I am guilty. I just didn't understand the energies until this year. I am glad to say I'm starting to get a pretty good grasp on things concerning the side of the divine known loosely as the Horned One.
I will publish Rowena's recipe for the spiced wine in a separate post for anyone interested in it. Blessings to you and yours.
http://www.peernc.org/
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Royal Order of the Knights of Herne: a visitor's thoughts
Ok, yes. It's been a while since I posted anything...at all. I've been working from Sunday to Sunday for the past month and before that...well...I just didn't have much to say.
I went to an all male Pagan group meeting the other day. In an umbrella of religions that are so varied and mixed, it is more rare than not to find an all male group. It's a lot easier to find either all female...it seems...or a hybrid group. So, it was refreshing to visit with the Knights of Herne, http://www.knightsofherne.org/, and be a quiet observer.
I went in with a friend of mine, she and I were the only females taking part in the meeting. The Knights of Herne is a "fraternal spirituality and service group for men of Earth-centered faiths." We were invited in by one of their members as visitors. Le and I sat near the back, trying to remain respectable of the 'maleness' that was the group. I suppose we didn't want to throw our estrogen around. However, we were coaxed up front to sit near the circle. As one of the members said "Hey ladies, testosterone isn't contagious." *chuckle* Well, I have to say it was nice being around a lot of my guy friends and feeling the difference in group energy with Herne as the inspiration and invocated diety. I found myself feeling a little jealous. I've found little enjoyment in all women groups larger than three. I don't know if it's because somehow we get dramatic, or I haven't found those special people. But really, I think I enjoy myself more with a mix. I think I'd miss the male energy and what it brings to a group. I find small groups of women work best. It's like a tighter knot. Of course, I've only been doing this magically-social thing for a little while now. I can say from here till tomorrow that I have had plenty of experience as coming up on 11 years in the Craft. But, I'm bullsh*tting {yes...I said bull...shotting :) } How much can you learn when starting young? ...I know...a lot. But, I keep finding there's so much more to learn. So much more wisdom to find. And, when you're alone, you are easily distracted. Easily taken off course and move on to other things. Having a coven or circle helps keep you on track. It helps have common goals to feel responsible for. If you are like me, *coughs* lazy *coughs*, you can find that you only want to learn what you want to learn. Oh, I love rocks. Lets learn about them. Oh, I love divination...lets only learn about tarot and reading those bits of herbs at the bottom of my cup. Nevermind, I dunno, scrying. Yeah, gets boring. Nevermind consistant meditation. I am someone that needs a group right now in my life. I'm too random. Yes, I am a hard worker, but I am also lazy when it comes to doing something I don't want to do or learn.
Watching the men work as a whole, invoking, sounding out to the Lord of the Hall, and near the end passing the wine horn. I was a little jealous. Having a group of...I dunno...*counts on fingers and toes and other people's toes....* 17 or so men joining together to discuss being better people, Pagans, and uphold honor....I liked that. Why don't we do that? Honor is as much belonging to women as it does men...why don't we own it? We use words like respect, yes, but honor? I hardly hear that in a women's group. As a woman, I like it. It's something I think that says a lot about a person to have honor. It's about integrity, personal morals, and showing yourself as true through actions not words. Perhaps I just haven't gone to the right women's groups?
When passing the horn, a man turned to me. He was tall, dark curly black hair and had the build of a blacksmith, and he said kindly "From brother to sister..." I liked that. I felt safe. I felt happy. (I eventually felt a lot more happy after a few more rounds of the horn...man am I a lightweight) I think women should think more on this idea of honor and fraternity. Sisterhood...it is a precious thing. We should take it to heart that we are precious and worthy of honor and of bestowing it on others. There should be humility along with our ideals of feminine leadership. We should also be chivilric. I think, perhaps, we don't show that characteristic nearly enough. Thank you men of the K.O.H. for sharing your Order with us. It was enlightening.
I went to an all male Pagan group meeting the other day. In an umbrella of religions that are so varied and mixed, it is more rare than not to find an all male group. It's a lot easier to find either all female...it seems...or a hybrid group. So, it was refreshing to visit with the Knights of Herne, http://www.knightsofherne.org/, and be a quiet observer.
I went in with a friend of mine, she and I were the only females taking part in the meeting. The Knights of Herne is a "fraternal spirituality and service group for men of Earth-centered faiths." We were invited in by one of their members as visitors. Le and I sat near the back, trying to remain respectable of the 'maleness' that was the group. I suppose we didn't want to throw our estrogen around. However, we were coaxed up front to sit near the circle. As one of the members said "Hey ladies, testosterone isn't contagious." *chuckle* Well, I have to say it was nice being around a lot of my guy friends and feeling the difference in group energy with Herne as the inspiration and invocated diety. I found myself feeling a little jealous. I've found little enjoyment in all women groups larger than three. I don't know if it's because somehow we get dramatic, or I haven't found those special people. But really, I think I enjoy myself more with a mix. I think I'd miss the male energy and what it brings to a group. I find small groups of women work best. It's like a tighter knot. Of course, I've only been doing this magically-social thing for a little while now. I can say from here till tomorrow that I have had plenty of experience as coming up on 11 years in the Craft. But, I'm bullsh*tting {yes...I said bull...shotting :) } How much can you learn when starting young? ...I know...a lot. But, I keep finding there's so much more to learn. So much more wisdom to find. And, when you're alone, you are easily distracted. Easily taken off course and move on to other things. Having a coven or circle helps keep you on track. It helps have common goals to feel responsible for. If you are like me, *coughs* lazy *coughs*, you can find that you only want to learn what you want to learn. Oh, I love rocks. Lets learn about them. Oh, I love divination...lets only learn about tarot and reading those bits of herbs at the bottom of my cup. Nevermind, I dunno, scrying. Yeah, gets boring. Nevermind consistant meditation. I am someone that needs a group right now in my life. I'm too random. Yes, I am a hard worker, but I am also lazy when it comes to doing something I don't want to do or learn.
Watching the men work as a whole, invoking, sounding out to the Lord of the Hall, and near the end passing the wine horn. I was a little jealous. Having a group of...I dunno...*counts on fingers and toes and other people's toes....* 17 or so men joining together to discuss being better people, Pagans, and uphold honor....I liked that. Why don't we do that? Honor is as much belonging to women as it does men...why don't we own it? We use words like respect, yes, but honor? I hardly hear that in a women's group. As a woman, I like it. It's something I think that says a lot about a person to have honor. It's about integrity, personal morals, and showing yourself as true through actions not words. Perhaps I just haven't gone to the right women's groups?
When passing the horn, a man turned to me. He was tall, dark curly black hair and had the build of a blacksmith, and he said kindly "From brother to sister..." I liked that. I felt safe. I felt happy. (I eventually felt a lot more happy after a few more rounds of the horn...man am I a lightweight) I think women should think more on this idea of honor and fraternity. Sisterhood...it is a precious thing. We should take it to heart that we are precious and worthy of honor and of bestowing it on others. There should be humility along with our ideals of feminine leadership. We should also be chivilric. I think, perhaps, we don't show that characteristic nearly enough. Thank you men of the K.O.H. for sharing your Order with us. It was enlightening.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
So, what now...
After the open circle I attended collapsed, as all things do in time, I wonder which direction I should take my practice.
There's the solitary way, that I do at home anyway where I can do what I like when I like...but that would be a tad lonesome and can lead to stagnation if done all the time. So, it is time to contemplate who, what, when, where, and why again. It's quite exciting. I think about the small covens started by people haphazardly. Mixed up drama with a tad of tarot and tea leaf reading. Singular people on soapboxes to deminish the confidence of those who look to this "leader" and feel regret and embarrassment. Quickly opening up to those you aren't ready to trust. Crazy times. Crazy people...
Is there any way to keep drama out of a coven? Probably not all the way, but I'd like to think that if a coven or circle forms, we will try and work through problems instead of flinging feces in each others' faces. I'd like to think my friends are worthwhile and mature enough to not take themselves (and others) too seriously. An ounce of prevention is with a pound of cure... or is it an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure? Eh, both work equally as well. I feel a little bit like a youngster again. It's kind of fun. :) The end of one thing and the start of something new. Quite exciting.
There's the solitary way, that I do at home anyway where I can do what I like when I like...but that would be a tad lonesome and can lead to stagnation if done all the time. So, it is time to contemplate who, what, when, where, and why again. It's quite exciting. I think about the small covens started by people haphazardly. Mixed up drama with a tad of tarot and tea leaf reading. Singular people on soapboxes to deminish the confidence of those who look to this "leader" and feel regret and embarrassment. Quickly opening up to those you aren't ready to trust. Crazy times. Crazy people...
Is there any way to keep drama out of a coven? Probably not all the way, but I'd like to think that if a coven or circle forms, we will try and work through problems instead of flinging feces in each others' faces. I'd like to think my friends are worthwhile and mature enough to not take themselves (and others) too seriously. An ounce of prevention is with a pound of cure... or is it an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure? Eh, both work equally as well. I feel a little bit like a youngster again. It's kind of fun. :) The end of one thing and the start of something new. Quite exciting.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Broken Circle
Ok, it sounds worse than it is. After 9 years, our chapter of CUUPS (Covenenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) is no more. It dwindled down and due to a hiccup in the bylaws, we couldn't fullfill our obligations for the upcoming year (i.e. we didn't have enough people to have a Council of Elders basically). Over the past 9 years, this group grew and shrank until last year when we decided that a haitus was necessary. If we thought we could continue this group, we'd start over. Well, we did. With new bylaws and a new sense of togetherness. With that said, we didn't have the rallied support of the previous year when people said "No, stop! We want to keep CUUPS!" "I don't want it to go away!" "I'll help!" Those people disappeared to other groups or just forgot to show up. Now, our little group is disbanding.
"But, this is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning..."
Ok, I can't remember that movie I just quoted...oh yes. Millenium. So, now my energies that I directed toward our little group, an eclectic open circle basically, can now be directed elsewhere. So, I don't have to worry about being on the Council of Elders. I don't have to worry about that at all. Now I have to ponder on the fact that I have to spread my wings and fly elsewhere...like those others that left before me. I'll meet other people. I'll focus more on my Craft with others that want to focus as well. It's a good thing. I really thought I'd be more upset. Maybe that comes later. Now I can help form a new group without as much politics. Something of equality instead of follow-the-leader.
Not the most exciting post, I know. But, I figure CUUPS deserved at least this. It was good to me. It supported me when I needed support. It was always there, even if I couldn't make it to events. I just knew it was there. The people of CUUPS, though a motley crew of ages and styles, I will miss. It was just time to say goodbye to the old and start anew.
"But, this is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. It is the end of the beginning..."
Ok, I can't remember that movie I just quoted...oh yes. Millenium. So, now my energies that I directed toward our little group, an eclectic open circle basically, can now be directed elsewhere. So, I don't have to worry about being on the Council of Elders. I don't have to worry about that at all. Now I have to ponder on the fact that I have to spread my wings and fly elsewhere...like those others that left before me. I'll meet other people. I'll focus more on my Craft with others that want to focus as well. It's a good thing. I really thought I'd be more upset. Maybe that comes later. Now I can help form a new group without as much politics. Something of equality instead of follow-the-leader.
Not the most exciting post, I know. But, I figure CUUPS deserved at least this. It was good to me. It supported me when I needed support. It was always there, even if I couldn't make it to events. I just knew it was there. The people of CUUPS, though a motley crew of ages and styles, I will miss. It was just time to say goodbye to the old and start anew.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Life is Work?
This Spring/Summer my family and I worked on a landscaping project called "We're not at regular work, so we must be in the yard." So far, we've been blessed with nice weather, meaning not 90+ degree, insane-humidity weather. My mother and my brother work very well together, handing each other things. Just a well oiled machine. When it comes to the cooking (the really tasty kind) and most of the yard work, I get bumped out of the equation. I'm the gofer. Go-fer this, and that.Today I realized that pride got in the way of me doing as good a job as I could have. For the first part of the day, I moped. I hovered. I was basically useless. Then, I realized when I returned from a quest for sunblock in the house, what menial tasks I was handed were done. They didn't need me out there. Those tasks needed to be done..and I was being an idiot.
So, poof. Your worth is lessened when your pride is heavier than your head. My ego was crushed. They really didn't need me. I needed that. A big Gibbs slap to the back of the head (I love NCIS. )("Ok, you messed up. Get over it!"). Life really is work when you realize you're not as good a person as you want to be. Seeing clearly instead of through rose colored glasses (or a mirror in my case) Getting the right consistency, like cornbread batter. It has to be just so. So, I put on the big straw hat of gardening and helped. I mixed concrete. I moved rocks. My mother and brother worked hard into the night while I went to work-work. Kudos to them. And I'm glad they ignored my cranky (albeit temporary) hovering. Blood really is thicker than water...and family can really be great and patient.
So, poof. Your worth is lessened when your pride is heavier than your head. My ego was crushed. They really didn't need me. I needed that. A big Gibbs slap to the back of the head (I love NCIS. )("Ok, you messed up. Get over it!"). Life really is work when you realize you're not as good a person as you want to be. Seeing clearly instead of through rose colored glasses (or a mirror in my case) Getting the right consistency, like cornbread batter. It has to be just so. So, I put on the big straw hat of gardening and helped. I mixed concrete. I moved rocks. My mother and brother worked hard into the night while I went to work-work. Kudos to them. And I'm glad they ignored my cranky (albeit temporary) hovering. Blood really is thicker than water...and family can really be great and patient.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Nothing Too Important, Just Rambling So I Can Sleep...
What is most important is knowing what is most important... and acting likewise.
To be happy, practical, and carefree? Can it be done? It's all in the mind. Always is. Inside out. Sort of like shake and bake, you know? Mix it up a little for a whole new possibility. If you're reading this, then you must know that I should be in bed right now. I should be resting. I'm not. I'm thinking, which is a dangerous thing to do. Just because I love tangents. I love them, I thrive on them like pick up sticks. They are always touching another. Anyway...
I have no clue if that makes sense to you all out there. It would be nice that someone sees where I'm coming from, but that's never going to happen fully (the whole only me can know me thing. You know what I mean). It is also important to know yourself, right? Since you are always changing every day, it's good to get to know yourself again, and again through your actions and will. Well, what if you realize that you don't like yourself as much as you did in years past? You're maybe not as good a person as you once thought? Yeah. You figured me out. It's me I'm talking about. What's so strange is one of the features of my character that I think is a virtue has become more of a hindrance. I care too much. I guess finding out you're a good person isn't so bad. But, it's been getting in my way of just being who I want to be. Who I am is getting in the way of my progress. So, what do you do? Change who you are. But people don't change often...so, shift. Bend. Eh, life is hilarious... random thoughts here... Nothing all that illuminating to anyone but me. I just wanted to get it out so I can freakin' sleep.
Now, if I can only get that Styx song out of my head, then I'll be hunky-dory.
"I'm sailing away..." *chuckles*
To be happy, practical, and carefree? Can it be done? It's all in the mind. Always is. Inside out. Sort of like shake and bake, you know? Mix it up a little for a whole new possibility. If you're reading this, then you must know that I should be in bed right now. I should be resting. I'm not. I'm thinking, which is a dangerous thing to do. Just because I love tangents. I love them, I thrive on them like pick up sticks. They are always touching another. Anyway...
I have no clue if that makes sense to you all out there. It would be nice that someone sees where I'm coming from, but that's never going to happen fully (the whole only me can know me thing. You know what I mean). It is also important to know yourself, right? Since you are always changing every day, it's good to get to know yourself again, and again through your actions and will. Well, what if you realize that you don't like yourself as much as you did in years past? You're maybe not as good a person as you once thought? Yeah. You figured me out. It's me I'm talking about. What's so strange is one of the features of my character that I think is a virtue has become more of a hindrance. I care too much. I guess finding out you're a good person isn't so bad. But, it's been getting in my way of just being who I want to be. Who I am is getting in the way of my progress. So, what do you do? Change who you are. But people don't change often...so, shift. Bend. Eh, life is hilarious... random thoughts here... Nothing all that illuminating to anyone but me. I just wanted to get it out so I can freakin' sleep.
Now, if I can only get that Styx song out of my head, then I'll be hunky-dory.
"I'm sailing away..." *chuckles*
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Dance Trance and Laughing at Yourself
It's not that hard to lead a dance. I thought it'd be more difficult with 11 more people involved. But, for this May's full moon ritual, I found that with a little help from someone that knows how to drum the dance takes care of itself. You don't have to do much more than pull along another person who pulls along another and so on. Pull them along and laugh. Suddenly everyone else is laughing and following suit to what you wanted them to feel. I remember laughing, but I can't remember the drum beats. Funny. I felt it so strongly, heard it so clearly. And, when the dance started, all I remember is the laughter and the movement. Everything came together. I'd say we were successful.
I decided not to do a typical ritual, seeing as I'm not Wiccan. I wanted to shake things up a bit. Others called it more of a Druidic style. I just felt like doing something closer to home. A storytelling. Everyone tells part of the story. Everyone shares a part of themselves. We laughed so hard. Magic is everywhere. If magic isn't fun, well..at least a little..., then I think you're not doing it right. Serious can be fun. But, we all take ourselves way too seriously sometimes. I figured, doing a ritual centered around that would help. The real, heart-of-the-matter reason I did this ritual (with the wonderful help of two lovely people who drummed and polished up the rough bits), was it was something I needed. I needed to remind myself that life shouldn't be so bitterly tense. I needed to make my ass a little less tight and shake it just a little bit more. Full moons are good enough reason as any. *smiles*
Now, that was ritual. I'm not used to ritual or spellcraft in general with others. Still just not as used to it as I could be. But, it's good experience. You never know when you'll need to work with another or a group of others. Practice makes perfect. Eh, that's about it for now. Elections are coming up for the next Council of Elders for our little group. I don't know that many people who will volunteer, save for me. Two people have already called 'not-it' and are already getting burnt out. But...I like this group too much to let it just go. So, I'm probably going to be part of the next leadership group. Ah, politics....never liked politics. *chuckle*
I decided not to do a typical ritual, seeing as I'm not Wiccan. I wanted to shake things up a bit. Others called it more of a Druidic style. I just felt like doing something closer to home. A storytelling. Everyone tells part of the story. Everyone shares a part of themselves. We laughed so hard. Magic is everywhere. If magic isn't fun, well..at least a little..., then I think you're not doing it right. Serious can be fun. But, we all take ourselves way too seriously sometimes. I figured, doing a ritual centered around that would help. The real, heart-of-the-matter reason I did this ritual (with the wonderful help of two lovely people who drummed and polished up the rough bits), was it was something I needed. I needed to remind myself that life shouldn't be so bitterly tense. I needed to make my ass a little less tight and shake it just a little bit more. Full moons are good enough reason as any. *smiles*
Now, that was ritual. I'm not used to ritual or spellcraft in general with others. Still just not as used to it as I could be. But, it's good experience. You never know when you'll need to work with another or a group of others. Practice makes perfect. Eh, that's about it for now. Elections are coming up for the next Council of Elders for our little group. I don't know that many people who will volunteer, save for me. Two people have already called 'not-it' and are already getting burnt out. But...I like this group too much to let it just go. So, I'm probably going to be part of the next leadership group. Ah, politics....never liked politics. *chuckle*
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Motivations in Magic
Why did we start this in the first place?
I was simply wondering that just now. I have no clue what this post will sound like. It might sound like I feel, tired and half-dressed. It is, after all, 2am on a weeknight. But still... back to the point. Why did we start this in the first place?
Some people just want something new and different. Others want to feel powerful in their lives...and sometimes feel powerful over others. (heck a lot of the time over others) Maybe some want to heal others through learning energy work and the like. Still others want to find the meaning to life though a way that isn't taught in...hell, Sunday school.
So, why? I know why I did it...that hook as it were. I was intrigued. A boy I knew knew a little something something and poof! I had to know it all. Well...I didn't end up knowing it all as you might have guessed... but as a lot of you know, you can't really just turn off what you already know. You can't unring a great big cow bell. (not without serious doubt and denial surrounding your every step) So, after the guy, and after a lot of drama, I found myself alone in all this. It was just me and my labyrinth of a mind. Ok, so I figured out that there's more than that. But, still... The more I learn, the less I know. And, the more I learn, the less I want to deal with people. Yet, I feel at home with the choice of choosing this lifestyle. So, at home with magic. Not so sure about the people practicing it. Funny, huh?
After deciding that people aren't always worth it, I was pre-nominated to be next year's Secretary in our local CUUPs (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) chapter. So, I'm wondering now, what is my motivation? I hate politics, but this is a small group. And, I like my group. They're a lovely bit of people. Still...drama...it lurks. So, now I'm just pondering...what is my motivation? It takes me back to my intrigue at the beginning. It takes me back to my "why?"
Why did I start this... To help people. So vague. But still...I can't unring that bell...and I can't ignore who I am. I am that woman that keeps children from falling out of their shopping carts when they stand up. I'm that young lady that you ask how you are I say "I'm happy!" and mean it. I'm also the friend that backs you up and makes the tea. So, my motivation in all this should still remain the same as it is in my life. To help people. *sigh* I guess dealing with magic-oriented people is a magic of its own. I might as well try it out and get good at it. Yay, another talent. *chuckle* Wish me luck!
Peace be,
Grey
I was simply wondering that just now. I have no clue what this post will sound like. It might sound like I feel, tired and half-dressed. It is, after all, 2am on a weeknight. But still... back to the point. Why did we start this in the first place?
Some people just want something new and different. Others want to feel powerful in their lives...and sometimes feel powerful over others. (heck a lot of the time over others) Maybe some want to heal others through learning energy work and the like. Still others want to find the meaning to life though a way that isn't taught in...hell, Sunday school.
So, why? I know why I did it...that hook as it were. I was intrigued. A boy I knew knew a little something something and poof! I had to know it all. Well...I didn't end up knowing it all as you might have guessed... but as a lot of you know, you can't really just turn off what you already know. You can't unring a great big cow bell. (not without serious doubt and denial surrounding your every step) So, after the guy, and after a lot of drama, I found myself alone in all this. It was just me and my labyrinth of a mind. Ok, so I figured out that there's more than that. But, still... The more I learn, the less I know. And, the more I learn, the less I want to deal with people. Yet, I feel at home with the choice of choosing this lifestyle. So, at home with magic. Not so sure about the people practicing it. Funny, huh?
After deciding that people aren't always worth it, I was pre-nominated to be next year's Secretary in our local CUUPs (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) chapter. So, I'm wondering now, what is my motivation? I hate politics, but this is a small group. And, I like my group. They're a lovely bit of people. Still...drama...it lurks. So, now I'm just pondering...what is my motivation? It takes me back to my intrigue at the beginning. It takes me back to my "why?"
Why did I start this... To help people. So vague. But still...I can't unring that bell...and I can't ignore who I am. I am that woman that keeps children from falling out of their shopping carts when they stand up. I'm that young lady that you ask how you are I say "I'm happy!" and mean it. I'm also the friend that backs you up and makes the tea. So, my motivation in all this should still remain the same as it is in my life. To help people. *sigh* I guess dealing with magic-oriented people is a magic of its own. I might as well try it out and get good at it. Yay, another talent. *chuckle* Wish me luck!
Peace be,
Grey
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sorted Solitary Saunterings
So, as a magical practitioner, the only thing that matters here is what you think. What you know.
Simple enough, but very vague. I was just thinking. Here I am, chillin’...alone with whatever I do. Occasionally joining people for circle or festivals, but hardly ever explaining what I do to its fullest degree. Heck, I doubt that is possible. It’s like trying to describe the intimacy of a lovers embrace or the complexity of intangible algorithms. Most people don’t look at me as anything more than just a young woman with a bright face. Yes, my face is bright. I often get mistaken for a teenager…as I’m sure I wouldn’t mind when I hit 40. Getting carded will seem a great deal less a nuisance and more of a flattery. But, I digress. Basically, I put on a face of youth and smiles, because it’s easier that way. A lot of practitioners are themselves introverts, and by being so extroverted I can keep them away from me. How can you get a good response from someone being themselves genuine if you aren't being so yourself?
I used to think I wanted to be with others when it came down to practicing magic. Circles or covens. It started out that way. Only a few of us fumbling along. Now, I feel much more attune to my own inner workings as just me, myself, and I. Why is that? Why does someone choose a solitary existence when they are in fact very social in their nature? Perhaps that is one of the only sacred pieces of their life they have left. Something untouched by others. Something with power and purity. But as I get older, I find myself not wanting to reach out to others. I don’t need them. So, is that a sad thing? A selfish thing? *shrug* I’m not sure. I do know that despite my love of learning new things, I can get set in my ways. I have to make myself talk to new people. Network. Risky, I know, but important.
Here’s what I think, what I know. It’s up to me to allow others inside. Doesn’t hurt to take a chance in meeting others and maybe learn a thing or two. At least you won’t get stagnant, and that’s worst of all. A gangrenous spirit is an unhappy spirit. Still…I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up my sacred self to anyone. It’s not my way. I wouldn’t mind, however, a few people to chit-chat with. I don’t think I’d mind that at all.
Simple enough, but very vague. I was just thinking. Here I am, chillin’...alone with whatever I do. Occasionally joining people for circle or festivals, but hardly ever explaining what I do to its fullest degree. Heck, I doubt that is possible. It’s like trying to describe the intimacy of a lovers embrace or the complexity of intangible algorithms. Most people don’t look at me as anything more than just a young woman with a bright face. Yes, my face is bright. I often get mistaken for a teenager…as I’m sure I wouldn’t mind when I hit 40. Getting carded will seem a great deal less a nuisance and more of a flattery. But, I digress. Basically, I put on a face of youth and smiles, because it’s easier that way. A lot of practitioners are themselves introverts, and by being so extroverted I can keep them away from me. How can you get a good response from someone being themselves genuine if you aren't being so yourself?
I used to think I wanted to be with others when it came down to practicing magic. Circles or covens. It started out that way. Only a few of us fumbling along. Now, I feel much more attune to my own inner workings as just me, myself, and I. Why is that? Why does someone choose a solitary existence when they are in fact very social in their nature? Perhaps that is one of the only sacred pieces of their life they have left. Something untouched by others. Something with power and purity. But as I get older, I find myself not wanting to reach out to others. I don’t need them. So, is that a sad thing? A selfish thing? *shrug* I’m not sure. I do know that despite my love of learning new things, I can get set in my ways. I have to make myself talk to new people. Network. Risky, I know, but important.
Here’s what I think, what I know. It’s up to me to allow others inside. Doesn’t hurt to take a chance in meeting others and maybe learn a thing or two. At least you won’t get stagnant, and that’s worst of all. A gangrenous spirit is an unhappy spirit. Still…I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up my sacred self to anyone. It’s not my way. I wouldn’t mind, however, a few people to chit-chat with. I don’t think I’d mind that at all.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Quiet Musings on Spring
I'm going to miss the cold. Strange I say that, because I love the Spring. But, I really will this time. Still, time does its thing. We flow along natures cycle. The buds pop out so that instead of brown we see the lightest of green sprinkled on the scenery. Our pansies are just now looking full, and it's almost time to pull them up. People seem happier now that they're out of their houses. There's a promise of light. From equal light and dark, we turn to where the light has majority.
The shadows will look different. Not as long. Not as striped. More noises outside. Frogs. Crickets. The silence that I will miss will be gone. That sacred silence. I rarely feel this way. I usually welcome Spring so fully, and now that it has spun around, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I will still face the sun and welcome it. I always do.
Well, Happy Ostara to those who celebrate it.
And, Happy Spring. Before long, Summer will be hunting us down...with sunburn. :)
The shadows will look different. Not as long. Not as striped. More noises outside. Frogs. Crickets. The silence that I will miss will be gone. That sacred silence. I rarely feel this way. I usually welcome Spring so fully, and now that it has spun around, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I will still face the sun and welcome it. I always do.
Well, Happy Ostara to those who celebrate it.
And, Happy Spring. Before long, Summer will be hunting us down...with sunburn. :)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Prison Outreach
Our local group of CUUPS (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) got a letter in the mail from an inmate at our regional detention centers. He is interested in Wicca (Paganism, etc). The Chaplain asked us if we were interested in a Prison Outreach program, to help others start their own worship. To see what they need for rituals and such. We accepted.
Two of us in the group and the UU's Reverend decided to go down and meet the Chaplain. This is something very new to me and would love some thoughts on the subject if anyone is reading this. Right now this is very fresh in our minds. We're planning on donating a few books for the further education on the subject for the man who wants the information as well as perhaps for those who are also interested there. Bonewits has been thrown out there as a definite author we want shown. As to other authors, we haven't made as much an decision on it yet.
Ideas? Thoughts?
Two of us in the group and the UU's Reverend decided to go down and meet the Chaplain. This is something very new to me and would love some thoughts on the subject if anyone is reading this. Right now this is very fresh in our minds. We're planning on donating a few books for the further education on the subject for the man who wants the information as well as perhaps for those who are also interested there. Bonewits has been thrown out there as a definite author we want shown. As to other authors, we haven't made as much an decision on it yet.
Ideas? Thoughts?
Monday, March 16, 2009
Still trying not to care and laughing
It's working better than I thought it would. At least, reminding myself to not care is working better than I thought it would. Ok, that article I posted on Witchvox, is totally not my best work. It is sketchy and is basically me rambling. *shrug* Oh well, such is life. I love to ramble. I may have said something that makes little sense in there... my sarcasm isn't as biting as it could be. In fact, I'm lacking quite a lot in that department depending on the subject matter. But, I was aiming at 'sarcasm.' Someone actually thought I meant that 'rpgs' were the same thing as Wicca. They emailed me to say that Wicca doesn't have anything to do with throwing fireballs. I actually emailed them back to say thanks for the honesty, and they gave me a bad addy. I didn't like thinking that someone else thought I was ignorant on that subject. So, now I'm trying not to care. I caught myself caring what someone I don't even know thinks about what I do with my life and my article. The hell with that. I'm laughing at it! Important thing that, laughter.
I'm a perfectionist. This is a blessing and a curse. But, I was also brought up to care a lot about a lot of different things. So, I was an equal opportunity care..giver? I guess that's appropriate. So I am making a choice not to care. Giving someone power over yourself is stupid. I'm not going to do it. :) Laughter. Best medicine, yes?
Cackle cackle cackle your way to a better you! For only one easy payment of $19.95 you can let go of your beliefs that you must put others before you 100% of the time. For this low low LOW price you can let go of the burden others place on you. Take that next step, and we'll throw in a wonderful cleansing broom to throw out all that negativity. Let it go! (and your $19.95 + shipping and handling) We'll make you feel free! (discount to those whose name is Esme)
I'm a perfectionist. This is a blessing and a curse. But, I was also brought up to care a lot about a lot of different things. So, I was an equal opportunity care..giver? I guess that's appropriate. So I am making a choice not to care. Giving someone power over yourself is stupid. I'm not going to do it. :) Laughter. Best medicine, yes?
Cackle cackle cackle your way to a better you! For only one easy payment of $19.95 you can let go of your beliefs that you must put others before you 100% of the time. For this low low LOW price you can let go of the burden others place on you. Take that next step, and we'll throw in a wonderful cleansing broom to throw out all that negativity. Let it go! (and your $19.95 + shipping and handling) We'll make you feel free! (discount to those whose name is Esme)
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I simply plan on not caring
There are a lot of things you can care about. You care for your pets. You care about your mother's feelings. You care about how you get to work on Monday. Sometimes, you have to put a stop as to what you care about, or you'll go mad. At least you'll start taking on guilt that is coming only from you and is not in any way warranted.
I find it easy to start guilting myself into such things. "Oh, you wrote and sent that essay to Witchvox in the middle of the night. It can't be any good...oh no...they're posting it...damn it! I shoulda done that when I was awake!" I'm just not going to care. Today I made a decision to not care about that. As an avid worrywort, I grab onto such things. Now, I'm less of one these days than in years past. That is a good step in the right direction. A friend of mine reminded me that "Worry is negative prayer"-Le. So, I'm going to just do what I can to live and get through things, thrive, and try to get out better on the other end. That's all I can do, and if I don't make it. I don't make it. If I can't make Carolina Spirit Quest, I'll just have to go next year. (although it is looking quite fun with drumming and such..anyway) Life goes on.
I don't know what'll happen when I have kids. I have a feeling my worrywortness will return like the plague. But, I digress. Just remember the past doesn't exist and the future doesn't exist. They are only ideas that can hinder or hurt you on your walk. So, good luck not worrying. It'll lower your blood pressure I'm sure. Life is lighter when you let go.
I find it easy to start guilting myself into such things. "Oh, you wrote and sent that essay to Witchvox in the middle of the night. It can't be any good...oh no...they're posting it...damn it! I shoulda done that when I was awake!" I'm just not going to care. Today I made a decision to not care about that. As an avid worrywort, I grab onto such things. Now, I'm less of one these days than in years past. That is a good step in the right direction. A friend of mine reminded me that "Worry is negative prayer"-Le. So, I'm going to just do what I can to live and get through things, thrive, and try to get out better on the other end. That's all I can do, and if I don't make it. I don't make it. If I can't make Carolina Spirit Quest, I'll just have to go next year. (although it is looking quite fun with drumming and such..anyway) Life goes on.
I don't know what'll happen when I have kids. I have a feeling my worrywortness will return like the plague. But, I digress. Just remember the past doesn't exist and the future doesn't exist. They are only ideas that can hinder or hurt you on your walk. So, good luck not worrying. It'll lower your blood pressure I'm sure. Life is lighter when you let go.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Spring Cleaning: Are you sure of yourself?
I love this time of year. Everything crisp. Multitudes of cold Spring rain. You can always smell it, Spring that is. It is that time of year, another cleansing. Clearing out the closets. Changing up your style. It just feels like the right time of year to shift.
After a long Winter of reflection, it is a good time to reflect one more time. A final reflection before you activate your movement. Before action shifts from a more mental atmosphere. Sometimes your thoughts are soft and gentle. Sometimes they are hostile and rip at your old self. Have you noticed that people forget that creation is a violent process? It is lovely. It is majestic. It is painful. We must adapt. We haven't died yet, so we must adapt. There are no other options. Nature dictates this. Even if you only adapt a small amount, just to get by...you still must shift. That is why this time of year is so interesting. It represents a turning again.
So, why are you here? What is your goal? Why are you doing what you are doing right now? Are you happy? Are you proud? So many more questions waiting in the wings. All of this, this is the friction. This is what hides in Spring's shadows. The shadows hide what you don't want to see. Your shortcomings. The things that you find least tasteful about your character. We all have them. Are you really more egotistical than everyone thinks? Do you lie about who you are everyday and it just kills you? Or perhaps, does it not kill you to lie everyday. Something I've discovered about myself this past Winter is that I haven't asked enough questions.
Why? I always loved that question. For a while, I just stopped asking. I just wanted to be comfortable. But, the only thing constant is change. It turns you, even if you don't want to be turned. I think that's enough. It's just my thoughts on a screen. Black and white. It doesn't matter, because what is most important is not on this screen. It is 42. :) Or is it?
After a long Winter of reflection, it is a good time to reflect one more time. A final reflection before you activate your movement. Before action shifts from a more mental atmosphere. Sometimes your thoughts are soft and gentle. Sometimes they are hostile and rip at your old self. Have you noticed that people forget that creation is a violent process? It is lovely. It is majestic. It is painful. We must adapt. We haven't died yet, so we must adapt. There are no other options. Nature dictates this. Even if you only adapt a small amount, just to get by...you still must shift. That is why this time of year is so interesting. It represents a turning again.
So, why are you here? What is your goal? Why are you doing what you are doing right now? Are you happy? Are you proud? So many more questions waiting in the wings. All of this, this is the friction. This is what hides in Spring's shadows. The shadows hide what you don't want to see. Your shortcomings. The things that you find least tasteful about your character. We all have them. Are you really more egotistical than everyone thinks? Do you lie about who you are everyday and it just kills you? Or perhaps, does it not kill you to lie everyday. Something I've discovered about myself this past Winter is that I haven't asked enough questions.
Why? I always loved that question. For a while, I just stopped asking. I just wanted to be comfortable. But, the only thing constant is change. It turns you, even if you don't want to be turned. I think that's enough. It's just my thoughts on a screen. Black and white. It doesn't matter, because what is most important is not on this screen. It is 42. :) Or is it?
Friday, March 6, 2009
Are you a man or a mystical idiot?
Ok, thought that'd get your attention. But really, I've been contemplating such things lately. It seems that people have difficulty recognizing someone as a human being. Somehow, they must be more than that in order to show guidance or wisdom. I have a few friends that think worlds about one man. Now, I've only met him once, but I was not impressed. He considers himself a leader, as he is head of his own legal church. In that way, he is a leader. He started it up; he brought people together that feel like-minded about said church. And, they are a family. Wonderful thought there. I was impressed at how much people wanted me to meet him. I figured it was a good way to network in the Pagan community. He is one of the most well known in our little community and in our small part of the map, so I figured "what the hell, I'll meet him."
Well, apparently I did something wrong and he didn't feel comfortable around me. I knew someone that he was very...turned off by. I wasn't even friends with this person, and he flat out became angry at the mention of her name. This was the first time I met him, and it was outside a public circle during a smoke break (air break for me, cause I don't smoke). Even before this moment of friction came about, I wasn't thinking of him as some warm fatherly sort that lead people through the mysteries. He was just a man. Now I thought less of him. I was hoping that he would show some sort of welcoming personality to this public circle that I hadn't attended before. No. He didn't. He was just a man, afraid of losing his privacy through gossip, as many a' Pagan like to do. So, I don't know how well he does at guiding others. However, I do know that what others are seeing isn't the whole of him. I believe that people are blinded by what they want to see. He is their leader, their priest. Therefore, blind loyalty is attached.
That is a problem I've noticed in even my own experience. Blind loyalty. It's not just in Pagan circles. After discussing this with the great Sequoia tree known as my boyfriend, he mentioned that true leaders don't call themselves leaders. They just lead and everyone knows what they are. If you have to say you're a leader for others to know you are one, then you really aren't. But... that's not the case with him exactly. He leads. Others follow. I think he can become a great leader, but he's not there yet. I think he needs some humility and less followers. Less people saying "Oh, you're wonderful! You are my soul's goal!" Being told you know basically everything is an ego-boost away from knowledge. It clouds. And when you're clouded, you stop asking why.
So, is he a man or a mystical idiot? Well, I'd like to say we're all idiots at one time or another. So Yes. And yes. I hope he finds his path well, but I hope that those who follow his path know that theirs isn't the same thing. We are all alone there. It's just the way things are. OK, enough rambling. Tootles!
Yes...I said tootles.
Well, apparently I did something wrong and he didn't feel comfortable around me. I knew someone that he was very...turned off by. I wasn't even friends with this person, and he flat out became angry at the mention of her name. This was the first time I met him, and it was outside a public circle during a smoke break (air break for me, cause I don't smoke). Even before this moment of friction came about, I wasn't thinking of him as some warm fatherly sort that lead people through the mysteries. He was just a man. Now I thought less of him. I was hoping that he would show some sort of welcoming personality to this public circle that I hadn't attended before. No. He didn't. He was just a man, afraid of losing his privacy through gossip, as many a' Pagan like to do. So, I don't know how well he does at guiding others. However, I do know that what others are seeing isn't the whole of him. I believe that people are blinded by what they want to see. He is their leader, their priest. Therefore, blind loyalty is attached.
That is a problem I've noticed in even my own experience. Blind loyalty. It's not just in Pagan circles. After discussing this with the great Sequoia tree known as my boyfriend, he mentioned that true leaders don't call themselves leaders. They just lead and everyone knows what they are. If you have to say you're a leader for others to know you are one, then you really aren't. But... that's not the case with him exactly. He leads. Others follow. I think he can become a great leader, but he's not there yet. I think he needs some humility and less followers. Less people saying "Oh, you're wonderful! You are my soul's goal!" Being told you know basically everything is an ego-boost away from knowledge. It clouds. And when you're clouded, you stop asking why.
So, is he a man or a mystical idiot? Well, I'd like to say we're all idiots at one time or another. So Yes. And yes. I hope he finds his path well, but I hope that those who follow his path know that theirs isn't the same thing. We are all alone there. It's just the way things are. OK, enough rambling. Tootles!
Yes...I said tootles.
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