Why did we start this in the first place?
I was simply wondering that just now. I have no clue what this post will sound like. It might sound like I feel, tired and half-dressed. It is, after all, 2am on a weeknight. But still... back to the point. Why did we start this in the first place?
Some people just want something new and different. Others want to feel powerful in their lives...and sometimes feel powerful over others. (heck a lot of the time over others) Maybe some want to heal others through learning energy work and the like. Still others want to find the meaning to life though a way that isn't taught in...hell, Sunday school.
So, why? I know why I did it...that hook as it were. I was intrigued. A boy I knew knew a little something something and poof! I had to know it all. Well...I didn't end up knowing it all as you might have guessed... but as a lot of you know, you can't really just turn off what you already know. You can't unring a great big cow bell. (not without serious doubt and denial surrounding your every step) So, after the guy, and after a lot of drama, I found myself alone in all this. It was just me and my labyrinth of a mind. Ok, so I figured out that there's more than that. But, still... The more I learn, the less I know. And, the more I learn, the less I want to deal with people. Yet, I feel at home with the choice of choosing this lifestyle. So, at home with magic. Not so sure about the people practicing it. Funny, huh?
After deciding that people aren't always worth it, I was pre-nominated to be next year's Secretary in our local CUUPs (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) chapter. So, I'm wondering now, what is my motivation? I hate politics, but this is a small group. And, I like my group. They're a lovely bit of people. Still...drama...it lurks. So, now I'm just pondering...what is my motivation? It takes me back to my intrigue at the beginning. It takes me back to my "why?"
Why did I start this... To help people. So vague. But still...I can't unring that bell...and I can't ignore who I am. I am that woman that keeps children from falling out of their shopping carts when they stand up. I'm that young lady that you ask how you are I say "I'm happy!" and mean it. I'm also the friend that backs you up and makes the tea. So, my motivation in all this should still remain the same as it is in my life. To help people. *sigh* I guess dealing with magic-oriented people is a magic of its own. I might as well try it out and get good at it. Yay, another talent. *chuckle* Wish me luck!
Peace be,
Grey
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sorted Solitary Saunterings
So, as a magical practitioner, the only thing that matters here is what you think. What you know.
Simple enough, but very vague. I was just thinking. Here I am, chillin’...alone with whatever I do. Occasionally joining people for circle or festivals, but hardly ever explaining what I do to its fullest degree. Heck, I doubt that is possible. It’s like trying to describe the intimacy of a lovers embrace or the complexity of intangible algorithms. Most people don’t look at me as anything more than just a young woman with a bright face. Yes, my face is bright. I often get mistaken for a teenager…as I’m sure I wouldn’t mind when I hit 40. Getting carded will seem a great deal less a nuisance and more of a flattery. But, I digress. Basically, I put on a face of youth and smiles, because it’s easier that way. A lot of practitioners are themselves introverts, and by being so extroverted I can keep them away from me. How can you get a good response from someone being themselves genuine if you aren't being so yourself?
I used to think I wanted to be with others when it came down to practicing magic. Circles or covens. It started out that way. Only a few of us fumbling along. Now, I feel much more attune to my own inner workings as just me, myself, and I. Why is that? Why does someone choose a solitary existence when they are in fact very social in their nature? Perhaps that is one of the only sacred pieces of their life they have left. Something untouched by others. Something with power and purity. But as I get older, I find myself not wanting to reach out to others. I don’t need them. So, is that a sad thing? A selfish thing? *shrug* I’m not sure. I do know that despite my love of learning new things, I can get set in my ways. I have to make myself talk to new people. Network. Risky, I know, but important.
Here’s what I think, what I know. It’s up to me to allow others inside. Doesn’t hurt to take a chance in meeting others and maybe learn a thing or two. At least you won’t get stagnant, and that’s worst of all. A gangrenous spirit is an unhappy spirit. Still…I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up my sacred self to anyone. It’s not my way. I wouldn’t mind, however, a few people to chit-chat with. I don’t think I’d mind that at all.
Simple enough, but very vague. I was just thinking. Here I am, chillin’...alone with whatever I do. Occasionally joining people for circle or festivals, but hardly ever explaining what I do to its fullest degree. Heck, I doubt that is possible. It’s like trying to describe the intimacy of a lovers embrace or the complexity of intangible algorithms. Most people don’t look at me as anything more than just a young woman with a bright face. Yes, my face is bright. I often get mistaken for a teenager…as I’m sure I wouldn’t mind when I hit 40. Getting carded will seem a great deal less a nuisance and more of a flattery. But, I digress. Basically, I put on a face of youth and smiles, because it’s easier that way. A lot of practitioners are themselves introverts, and by being so extroverted I can keep them away from me. How can you get a good response from someone being themselves genuine if you aren't being so yourself?
I used to think I wanted to be with others when it came down to practicing magic. Circles or covens. It started out that way. Only a few of us fumbling along. Now, I feel much more attune to my own inner workings as just me, myself, and I. Why is that? Why does someone choose a solitary existence when they are in fact very social in their nature? Perhaps that is one of the only sacred pieces of their life they have left. Something untouched by others. Something with power and purity. But as I get older, I find myself not wanting to reach out to others. I don’t need them. So, is that a sad thing? A selfish thing? *shrug* I’m not sure. I do know that despite my love of learning new things, I can get set in my ways. I have to make myself talk to new people. Network. Risky, I know, but important.
Here’s what I think, what I know. It’s up to me to allow others inside. Doesn’t hurt to take a chance in meeting others and maybe learn a thing or two. At least you won’t get stagnant, and that’s worst of all. A gangrenous spirit is an unhappy spirit. Still…I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up my sacred self to anyone. It’s not my way. I wouldn’t mind, however, a few people to chit-chat with. I don’t think I’d mind that at all.
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