Life is Work?

This Spring/Summer my family and I worked on a landscaping project called "We're not at regular work, so we must be in the yard." So far, we've been blessed with nice weather, meaning not 90+ degree, insane-humidity weather. My mother and my brother work very well together, handing each other things. Just a well oiled machine. When it comes to the cooking (the really tasty kind) and most of the yard work, I get bumped out of the equation. I'm the gofer. Go-fer this, and that.Today I realized that pride got in the way of me doing as good a job as I could have. For the first part of the day, I moped. I hovered. I was basically useless. Then, I realized when I returned from a quest for sunblock in the house, what menial tasks I was handed were done. They didn't need me out there. Those tasks needed to be done..and I was being an idiot.

So, poof. Your worth is lessened when your pride is heavier than your head. My ego was crushed. They really didn't need me. I needed that. A big Gibbs slap to the back of the head (I love NCIS. )("Ok, you messed up. Get over it!"). Life really is work when you realize you're not as good a person as you want to be. Seeing clearly instead of through rose colored glasses (or a mirror in my case) Getting the right consistency, like cornbread batter. It has to be just so. So, I put on the big straw hat of gardening and helped. I mixed concrete. I moved rocks. My mother and brother worked hard into the night while I went to work-work. Kudos to them. And I'm glad they ignored my cranky (albeit temporary) hovering. Blood really is thicker than water...and family can really be great and patient.

Nothing Too Important, Just Rambling So I Can Sleep...

What is most important is knowing what is most important... and acting likewise.

To be happy, practical, and carefree? Can it be done? It's all in the mind. Always is. Inside out. Sort of like shake and bake, you know? Mix it up a little for a whole new possibility. If you're reading this, then you must know that I should be in bed right now. I should be resting. I'm not. I'm thinking, which is a dangerous thing to do. Just because I love tangents. I love them, I thrive on them like pick up sticks. They are always touching another. Anyway...

I have no clue if that makes sense to you all out there. It would be nice that someone sees where I'm coming from, but that's never going to happen fully (the whole only me can know me thing. You know what I mean). It is also important to know yourself, right? Since you are always changing every day, it's good to get to know yourself again, and again through your actions and will. Well, what if you realize that you don't like yourself as much as you did in years past? You're maybe not as good a person as you once thought? Yeah. You figured me out. It's me I'm talking about. What's so strange is one of the features of my character that I think is a virtue has become more of a hindrance. I care too much. I guess finding out you're a good person isn't so bad. But, it's been getting in my way of just being who I want to be. Who I am is getting in the way of my progress. So, what do you do? Change who you are. But people don't change often...so, shift. Bend. Eh, life is hilarious... random thoughts here... Nothing all that illuminating to anyone but me. I just wanted to get it out so I can freakin' sleep.

Now, if I can only get that Styx song out of my head, then I'll be hunky-dory.

"I'm sailing away..." *chuckles*

Dance Trance and Laughing at Yourself

It's not that hard to lead a dance. I thought it'd be more difficult with 11 more people involved. But, for this May's full moon ritual, I found that with a little help from someone that knows how to drum the dance takes care of itself. You don't have to do much more than pull along another person who pulls along another and so on. Pull them along and laugh. Suddenly everyone else is laughing and following suit to what you wanted them to feel. I remember laughing, but I can't remember the drum beats. Funny. I felt it so strongly, heard it so clearly. And, when the dance started, all I remember is the laughter and the movement. Everything came together. I'd say we were successful.

I decided not to do a typical ritual, seeing as I'm not Wiccan. I wanted to shake things up a bit. Others called it more of a Druidic style. I just felt like doing something closer to home. A storytelling. Everyone tells part of the story. Everyone shares a part of themselves. We laughed so hard. Magic is everywhere. If magic isn't fun, well..at least a little..., then I think you're not doing it right. Serious can be fun. But, we all take ourselves way too seriously sometimes. I figured, doing a ritual centered around that would help. The real, heart-of-the-matter reason I did this ritual (with the wonderful help of two lovely people who drummed and polished up the rough bits), was it was something I needed. I needed to remind myself that life shouldn't be so bitterly tense. I needed to make my ass a little less tight and shake it just a little bit more. Full moons are good enough reason as any. *smiles*

Now, that was ritual. I'm not used to ritual or spellcraft in general with others. Still just not as used to it as I could be. But, it's good experience. You never know when you'll need to work with another or a group of others. Practice makes perfect. Eh, that's about it for now. Elections are coming up for the next Council of Elders for our little group. I don't know that many people who will volunteer, save for me. Two people have already called 'not-it' and are already getting burnt out. But...I like this group too much to let it just go. So, I'm probably going to be part of the next leadership group. Ah, politics....never liked politics. *chuckle*