I have a great deal of respect for myself. I share myself with those that treat me well and simply exist around those that do not. A relationship is a communication on a larger scale, wouldn't you agree? An endlessly transforming blossom.
Today I decided to release a friend. No, he didn't die or anything. He was one of my first magical working partners ten years back. I took my own advice. "Judge a practitioner by the fruits of his work." "Trust a friend by how much they are willing to give and receive... is it balanced?" It's not all that difficult either to let go of a friend that is no longer a friend. I thought it'd be more difficult. Of course, the voice in the back of my head says that I've already lost him and that the mourning process is just coming to fruition.
Perhaps that's why friends decrease in number as you get wiser. You realize what is friend and what is acquaintance or perhaps passing shadow.
Today is beautiful. The snow is melting fast. The sky is so blue. There really isn't so much need to mourn the movement of energy from one place in my mind to another. I believe my need to finish things is where I stand now. Assessing. I am not one to leave loose ends. The friction within myself gives me a motivation which is helpful. Stagnation is not a choice way I'd live. Action. Fire. It gives me... me. I know myself by every action and like myself even more.
I love myself enough to say 'Fuck you' to someone I called friend when they are no longer thus. I love myself to be cold to another so that I will live successfully. Compassion is reserved like a delicate wine hidden under the floorboards. Perhaps it is just self-preservation. It is choice. And I'm not crying. I'm smiling. Fully.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Simple Craft
I was just thinking today about all of the issues in life. How complicated we make things. How we cling to thoughts and perspectives like we'd drown if we let them go. For the longest time I didn't eat cucumbers (well.. unless their pickled. I love pickles). I didn't like the flavor. Well, that is a thought that I have had since I was a child. So, I decided to open up my mind again and try it. Well, it wasn't as bad as I remembered and I can appreciate it's flavor a good amount better than I did when I was ten. Still won't put it in my salad... but it's got prospects. That day I removed a blockage. I moved it out of my way and sent it packing. The mind is very much like a labyrinth. Once you recognize the power you have to make your own neuronic-way, life becomes simpler. Your way has less complications. :)
Simplicity holds power. Much easier to interpret and in my semi-humble opinion, easier to embrace. I'm not saying I'm going to go live without in-door plumbing or not have a tiramisu in lieu of instant pudding... but my life is more enjoyable when I stop thinking about the frivolousness and bull-shitaki that many grieve through in this day and age. One side effect of this is having to release the need to hit people over the head with a simple 2X4. The friction felt when you meet people who are trying to throw their junk on your shoulders is palpable if you're not prepared.
Part of this simplicity is the phrase "Going with the flow." A control freak like who I used to be has difficulty accepting the fact that she cannot save everyone. She cannot help her friends that are trapped in circular thinking. She cannot make someone do anything they are not ready to do themselves. Or rather... it would be an inefficient use of energy to make someone do anything they wouldn't normally. Yes, of course, there are ways of pressing the chords in balance with the will of the practitioner. I am perfectly able to press out a crafting if so motivated. However, I love my life a bit too much to use a gentle talent such as magical work for something that doesn't amount to a hill a' beans. Unsorted rock infested beans.
Magical work when I first started practicing... started out with complicated constructs and a lovely shiny athame. These days my magical work is putting cucumbers on my plate and walking with nature instead of through it. The older I get... the more I understand that energy isn't just the ethereal. It isn't just the unseen. It isn't just circles and wards. It is the breath in my lungs and the power of my laugh. That, I believe, is why an old witch cackles. Because nothing else can sum it all up quite like a good throat splitting cackle.
Thanks for listening.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Simplicity holds power. Much easier to interpret and in my semi-humble opinion, easier to embrace. I'm not saying I'm going to go live without in-door plumbing or not have a tiramisu in lieu of instant pudding... but my life is more enjoyable when I stop thinking about the frivolousness and bull-shitaki that many grieve through in this day and age. One side effect of this is having to release the need to hit people over the head with a simple 2X4. The friction felt when you meet people who are trying to throw their junk on your shoulders is palpable if you're not prepared.
Part of this simplicity is the phrase "Going with the flow." A control freak like who I used to be has difficulty accepting the fact that she cannot save everyone. She cannot help her friends that are trapped in circular thinking. She cannot make someone do anything they are not ready to do themselves. Or rather... it would be an inefficient use of energy to make someone do anything they wouldn't normally. Yes, of course, there are ways of pressing the chords in balance with the will of the practitioner. I am perfectly able to press out a crafting if so motivated. However, I love my life a bit too much to use a gentle talent such as magical work for something that doesn't amount to a hill a' beans. Unsorted rock infested beans.
Magical work when I first started practicing... started out with complicated constructs and a lovely shiny athame. These days my magical work is putting cucumbers on my plate and walking with nature instead of through it. The older I get... the more I understand that energy isn't just the ethereal. It isn't just the unseen. It isn't just circles and wards. It is the breath in my lungs and the power of my laugh. That, I believe, is why an old witch cackles. Because nothing else can sum it all up quite like a good throat splitting cackle.
Thanks for listening.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I claim you in the name of hormones!
Hi, pardon my absence. I assume no one had any wild parties while I was away yes? :)
Anyway. I had a nice meeting at our Pagan Night Out group that met this Friday. Had a student doing a paper on Paganism show up from a local college. Had a new guy be a wallflower. Also, we had cupcakes with little bitty bat-shaped sprinkles. Nice. :) Our topic of this meeting was on death. Lovely topic. Lots of deep discussions. But I fast forward.
After the meeting, one of our regular meeting participants pulls me over to tell me that he was worried that I was being very vulnerable and that my chakras below the belt were wide open. He being such a caring, endearing, compassionate soul had to warn me this... dangerous way my energy is splaying. And that whomever I'm having sex with only wants me for sex and that he thought it'd be important that I know this because he knows I need something more than just a sexual relationship. *sigh*
Why? Again? The pool of people in the Pagan community, if you aim for said pool, minimizes your foci of choices. Then you further minimize it if you are looking for someone who knows what energy work means and that is the sort of person you prefer. This gentleman is also not very used to socializing. He has a very unique perspective that I can appreciate and understand... which is actually not so good for me. So, if she (I) doesn't ignore him completely and exit stage right... then she (I) must be the girl for him. And lets devise a plan to separate her from whatever partner she is with so that he can try to swoop in as the 'rebound'/'helpful friend' and have their 'energetic' way with her. I knew immediately what his plan was and had to feign ignorance because I was tired and not willing to smack his sensitive/peculiar/manipulative eyes from his orbital rounds. So... I'm a nice lil target now. Again.
It does make me think about how many times over people have had sex with other people in the Pagan community. Locally speaking. I mean, probably about the same as any community of adults that are single/open/etc. to sexual exploration and/or just... gettin' it on. And, as someone who studies energy, I can tell you that connecting yourself energetically speaking with someone sexually can be an extremely potent tag. Kinda like rooting a piece of yourself beneath their skin. It's like the chemical markers... the animal touch that another will know that they have been claimed in some manner. You do lend yourself to vulnerability. Sex is an act of a lot of power and a lot of sensitive parts moving close to one another. The release, the subjection to the other... is vulnerable. But not necessarily bad. The vulnerability of connection is something interesting to contemplate. Who do you claim? Are they worth it? Are they family? Are they mate? Energetically speaking, if you have a one night stand, it won't be as pressed in a' signature... but it is still there. Are they worth it? To give your signature to? Physically, someone could claim that you (if male) fathered their now unborn child. Vulnerable... on both sides. Emotionally, someone could say "I love you." And mean it, first time out. What if you're not ready? What if you just wanted to relish the bodies and not the heart/soul? Danger of hurt... vulnerability. What if you have a one night stand with a witch/practitioner that follows the energetic line up to your very special place and works a spell... for good or ill. Energetic vulnerability.
Now... then you relax. All things are energy. We are all as vulnerable as babes on a table. We're all as strong as the sun. But living in a world of linear thinking... and magical thinking... what would be best to protect yourself from vulnerability. Or can you? There's energetic warding. There's being aware. There's not giving your heart away. Trust. Trust that you will fall on your feet. Trust that whomever is holding the other line of energy is willing to release it and/or hold it with perfect love and trust in return. Then there's denial. Active denial of an anti-psi type energy to dislodge any negativity. But... then there's illusion denial. To dislodge your mind from truth.
Well, I've been accused of thinking too much. I've been trying to organize my mind on this whole mess of sex and relationships. In the end, it's your gut you trust. It's the sacred animal within that motivates. And in the end, there is a lovely knot of connections. I suppose it's just a good thing to think about. How many knots do you want in your web? Will you see them 10 years down the road as beautiful moments in your life or regrets? Or are all your knots beautiful and none filled with regret. It would be sad to see knots in my web as ugly. I'd like to never regret. So, I contemplate... what is worth the trouble... who is worth the trouble and ... who the hell cares? I want to live and not be tied down. :)
Random blessings,
Greymentality
Anyway. I had a nice meeting at our Pagan Night Out group that met this Friday. Had a student doing a paper on Paganism show up from a local college. Had a new guy be a wallflower. Also, we had cupcakes with little bitty bat-shaped sprinkles. Nice. :) Our topic of this meeting was on death. Lovely topic. Lots of deep discussions. But I fast forward.
After the meeting, one of our regular meeting participants pulls me over to tell me that he was worried that I was being very vulnerable and that my chakras below the belt were wide open. He being such a caring, endearing, compassionate soul had to warn me this... dangerous way my energy is splaying. And that whomever I'm having sex with only wants me for sex and that he thought it'd be important that I know this because he knows I need something more than just a sexual relationship. *sigh*
Why? Again? The pool of people in the Pagan community, if you aim for said pool, minimizes your foci of choices. Then you further minimize it if you are looking for someone who knows what energy work means and that is the sort of person you prefer. This gentleman is also not very used to socializing. He has a very unique perspective that I can appreciate and understand... which is actually not so good for me. So, if she (I) doesn't ignore him completely and exit stage right... then she (I) must be the girl for him. And lets devise a plan to separate her from whatever partner she is with so that he can try to swoop in as the 'rebound'/'helpful friend' and have their 'energetic' way with her. I knew immediately what his plan was and had to feign ignorance because I was tired and not willing to smack his sensitive/peculiar/manipulative eyes from his orbital rounds. So... I'm a nice lil target now. Again.
It does make me think about how many times over people have had sex with other people in the Pagan community. Locally speaking. I mean, probably about the same as any community of adults that are single/open/etc. to sexual exploration and/or just... gettin' it on. And, as someone who studies energy, I can tell you that connecting yourself energetically speaking with someone sexually can be an extremely potent tag. Kinda like rooting a piece of yourself beneath their skin. It's like the chemical markers... the animal touch that another will know that they have been claimed in some manner. You do lend yourself to vulnerability. Sex is an act of a lot of power and a lot of sensitive parts moving close to one another. The release, the subjection to the other... is vulnerable. But not necessarily bad. The vulnerability of connection is something interesting to contemplate. Who do you claim? Are they worth it? Are they family? Are they mate? Energetically speaking, if you have a one night stand, it won't be as pressed in a' signature... but it is still there. Are they worth it? To give your signature to? Physically, someone could claim that you (if male) fathered their now unborn child. Vulnerable... on both sides. Emotionally, someone could say "I love you." And mean it, first time out. What if you're not ready? What if you just wanted to relish the bodies and not the heart/soul? Danger of hurt... vulnerability. What if you have a one night stand with a witch/practitioner that follows the energetic line up to your very special place and works a spell... for good or ill. Energetic vulnerability.
Now... then you relax. All things are energy. We are all as vulnerable as babes on a table. We're all as strong as the sun. But living in a world of linear thinking... and magical thinking... what would be best to protect yourself from vulnerability. Or can you? There's energetic warding. There's being aware. There's not giving your heart away. Trust. Trust that you will fall on your feet. Trust that whomever is holding the other line of energy is willing to release it and/or hold it with perfect love and trust in return. Then there's denial. Active denial of an anti-psi type energy to dislodge any negativity. But... then there's illusion denial. To dislodge your mind from truth.
Well, I've been accused of thinking too much. I've been trying to organize my mind on this whole mess of sex and relationships. In the end, it's your gut you trust. It's the sacred animal within that motivates. And in the end, there is a lovely knot of connections. I suppose it's just a good thing to think about. How many knots do you want in your web? Will you see them 10 years down the road as beautiful moments in your life or regrets? Or are all your knots beautiful and none filled with regret. It would be sad to see knots in my web as ugly. I'd like to never regret. So, I contemplate... what is worth the trouble... who is worth the trouble and ... who the hell cares? I want to live and not be tied down. :)
Random blessings,
Greymentality
Monday, September 6, 2010
Restful Trees (a personal post)
Today I rest. The music of the wind shivering the tiny yellow leaves on a mostly green tree fill me with peace. Normally my mind is fast moving and flitting back and forth between thought and effort. Today my mind rests.
Over the last three weeks, I've become all aspects of womanhood for a moment. It sounds like something someone would say to explain away some bit of wisdom taken from a lighthearted and maternal moment. No. Two weeks ago I had a loss. It feels like two months... funny how time slows. I have moved forward with vigor to live life to the fullest. Dancing. Laughing. Screaming. Today I cry. I know that this isn't all that interesting a post. It's much more personal and close to me. But, I had to write. I had to write somewhere where my family doesn't pry. Where my coworkers won't leer. I had to write about an emotion that has no name. I don't know if this will make logical sense, since emotion is rarely logical.
I was the Maiden. I became the Mother. And now I am the Crone. Creation and Death dwelled within me. I mourn and rest. Soon I will live faster. Breathe harder. Smile brighter. Today, there is no rule for that. There are gentle smiles. There are soft steps. Tomorrow my words may be sharper. I will not care when someone cries. I will not hold someone who fears. All of my care and compassion are for me now. And I will drink it up until I am filled.
And I am a better woman for it. I am the dark mother... and I am healing.
Over the last three weeks, I've become all aspects of womanhood for a moment. It sounds like something someone would say to explain away some bit of wisdom taken from a lighthearted and maternal moment. No. Two weeks ago I had a loss. It feels like two months... funny how time slows. I have moved forward with vigor to live life to the fullest. Dancing. Laughing. Screaming. Today I cry. I know that this isn't all that interesting a post. It's much more personal and close to me. But, I had to write. I had to write somewhere where my family doesn't pry. Where my coworkers won't leer. I had to write about an emotion that has no name. I don't know if this will make logical sense, since emotion is rarely logical.
I was the Maiden. I became the Mother. And now I am the Crone. Creation and Death dwelled within me. I mourn and rest. Soon I will live faster. Breathe harder. Smile brighter. Today, there is no rule for that. There are gentle smiles. There are soft steps. Tomorrow my words may be sharper. I will not care when someone cries. I will not hold someone who fears. All of my care and compassion are for me now. And I will drink it up until I am filled.
And I am a better woman for it. I am the dark mother... and I am healing.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Kitchen Witch is not "Pagan" for Baker
Ok... just a little moment here. When doing introductions at our local PNO, one of the ladies there introduced herself as a Kitchen Witch. In fact, the only one that did so out of a room of 30. She brought brownies (which were decidedly yummy) and is credited with numerous cakes and delicious treat crafting. However... she is not a Kitchen Witch.
I know that I cannot judge her fully because... well... I'm not there with her all the time watching her do whatever it she does. Spellcraft. Rites. Mixing potions. Etc. But, I can at least judge her solidly from what I've observed. So I will... just because her blase attitude toward magic is conversely pissing me off and making me laugh at what she's pulling down toward her.
Just because you cook or enjoy cooking does not mean you are a Kitchen Witch. Hell, even if you are Pagan and like to cook and bake... again... does not mean you are a Kitchen Witch. Heck, doesn't even mean you're a Witch. She mentioned on her status line on a networking site that she needed more Pagan friends because her Christian friends outnumbered her Pagan friends (News Flash! Pagans are in the minority... course we're going to be freakin' smaller in number!) Then she went on and said something like "Don't worry Christians, we won't sacrifice you." Oh, and the reason she needs more Pagan friends? The actual reason she gave? Was because she's a Libra and she needs 'balance.' *rolls eyes* It means that you do not value your Christian friends because they are Christian. Which makes you a prejudiced f*** and a stupid mo fo for friending people just because they're Pagan. *blink blink* Hello? Anybody in there? You are not selective or thoughtful with what you do or say... Witches generally do that. Ok, I know, there's those that spew words like projectile vomit and still practice magic. I'll grant you, but... what about this...
"I'm a Dragon." No, you're a woman with a tattoo of a dragon. You do not have the self-respect enough to claim that title firstly. Though I try very hard to . And someday... someday you will meet a real one... *contemplates* no, probably not. You claim to see 'fairies' when there are none. You hallucinate and don't care about your body. Your voice remains the same as it was when you were six and you are now 43. Oh, and to top it off. A friend of mine received a tarot reading from her. So, instead of giving thoughtful advice or at least expressing what the cards reveal. You hit on her and ask her to have a threesome with your boyfriend. Yes. Witches do that. You are not trusted. You lie to yourself. And your soul music is out of tune. You hurt my ears.
~Ok rant done~
I know that I cannot judge her fully because... well... I'm not there with her all the time watching her do whatever it she does. Spellcraft. Rites. Mixing potions. Etc. But, I can at least judge her solidly from what I've observed. So I will... just because her blase attitude toward magic is conversely pissing me off and making me laugh at what she's pulling down toward her.
Just because you cook or enjoy cooking does not mean you are a Kitchen Witch. Hell, even if you are Pagan and like to cook and bake... again... does not mean you are a Kitchen Witch. Heck, doesn't even mean you're a Witch. She mentioned on her status line on a networking site that she needed more Pagan friends because her Christian friends outnumbered her Pagan friends (News Flash! Pagans are in the minority... course we're going to be freakin' smaller in number!) Then she went on and said something like "Don't worry Christians, we won't sacrifice you." Oh, and the reason she needs more Pagan friends? The actual reason she gave? Was because she's a Libra and she needs 'balance.' *rolls eyes* It means that you do not value your Christian friends because they are Christian. Which makes you a prejudiced f*** and a stupid mo fo for friending people just because they're Pagan. *blink blink* Hello? Anybody in there? You are not selective or thoughtful with what you do or say... Witches generally do that. Ok, I know, there's those that spew words like projectile vomit and still practice magic. I'll grant you, but... what about this...
"I'm a Dragon." No, you're a woman with a tattoo of a dragon. You do not have the self-respect enough to claim that title firstly. Though I try very hard to . And someday... someday you will meet a real one... *contemplates* no, probably not. You claim to see 'fairies' when there are none. You hallucinate and don't care about your body. Your voice remains the same as it was when you were six and you are now 43. Oh, and to top it off. A friend of mine received a tarot reading from her. So, instead of giving thoughtful advice or at least expressing what the cards reveal. You hit on her and ask her to have a threesome with your boyfriend. Yes. Witches do that. You are not trusted. You lie to yourself. And your soul music is out of tune. You hurt my ears.
~Ok rant done~
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thoughts on pheromones...
Ok. The other night I was an observer of an interesting sensual-attraction-event from which a friend of mine was the orchestrator/cause. I was warned in advance that her control of this talent was somewhat off as she noticed the attention shift increase. See, she had lost a friend and hadn't been as... reins-in with this interesting gift. She really does have to be, or things get hairy. My friend has something we call (lovingly and semi-in jest) the Mary Effect. For some reason men (and gay/bi women) are extraordinarily attracted to her. Yes she's lovely (I'm biased since she is my best friend). Her beauty exudes from the way she handles herself and her body language. But, she explains and I agree that it is an exercise in energy manipulation first and foremost. Close to a glamour, if not exactly that. She had 7 people she already knew out and out proposition/hit on her, some of them people she considers friends. It didn't matter the location as it occurred throughout the day and was more or less an area effect. I played wing-girl, which was actually fun. An interesting thing to note in how the energy that was spread out around her, other 'competing' energies fizzled out and dissipated and then were replaced with what she was projecting outward, a programmed sexually charged field that was presented in an elegant modest format.
So how's this so different than any woman putting out signals? Well... it is one of the more intense effects I've seen and amusing in a "Oh the poor dear" kind of way. Maybe it is just that, sending out signals. Physical cues. Smells. Pheromones. Looks. But when an energy worker has access to enhancing these things, it can be dangerous and very entertaining (from a purely Id perspective of course). She mentioned to me that a long time ago she had to change how she viewed men. "Men are not prey."
Last night I had a similar incident which seems to continue on into the day. I suddenly realized last night that I was doing my own version. Men and women were drawn to me in a much more potent manner. Even at work today, I had four outright mega flirtations, which is actually abnormal for me. I get little flirts and smiles normally. Even my manager said I looked different and he couldn't put his finger on it after saying whatever it was it was good. I think he thought I had a haircut or something... The only problem with this, is that I don't know how to shut it off yet. I'm working on it... and enjoying it... and toying with ideas. Well... pheromones or whatever subtle cues I have are being lit up like a Christmas Tree. I will remember that men aren't prey. And hopefully, those who sense whatever it is I'm sending out will not think I am prey either. *shrug* We shall see. I may update this seeing as I'm falling fast into sleep.
Blessings,
Greymentality
To be continued....
So how's this so different than any woman putting out signals? Well... it is one of the more intense effects I've seen and amusing in a "Oh the poor dear" kind of way. Maybe it is just that, sending out signals. Physical cues. Smells. Pheromones. Looks. But when an energy worker has access to enhancing these things, it can be dangerous and very entertaining (from a purely Id perspective of course). She mentioned to me that a long time ago she had to change how she viewed men. "Men are not prey."
Last night I had a similar incident which seems to continue on into the day. I suddenly realized last night that I was doing my own version. Men and women were drawn to me in a much more potent manner. Even at work today, I had four outright mega flirtations, which is actually abnormal for me. I get little flirts and smiles normally. Even my manager said I looked different and he couldn't put his finger on it after saying whatever it was it was good. I think he thought I had a haircut or something... The only problem with this, is that I don't know how to shut it off yet. I'm working on it... and enjoying it... and toying with ideas. Well... pheromones or whatever subtle cues I have are being lit up like a Christmas Tree. I will remember that men aren't prey. And hopefully, those who sense whatever it is I'm sending out will not think I am prey either. *shrug* We shall see. I may update this seeing as I'm falling fast into sleep.
Blessings,
Greymentality
To be continued....
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Ordinary
The most ordinary of days belong to beauty. The semi-warm summer days. The partly cloudy skies. Doing errands. looking outside and hearing the same birds chirping or cawing. It's ordinary.
Ordinary things bump into ordinary things and depending on how the light hits them, we can see how amazing existence really is. We ignore it so often that life is dull. Our silver infused days become lackluster and just a piece of the junk we deal with, not the craft we weave and hammer and dance into being. I love my ordinary day. I love the way the blinds make the light flicker on the curtains.
Such a small little thought can change so much the way of the world. Simplicity, like a mountain stream, carves more deeply than shallow handholds of scoffing words. For this, I am thankful.
Blessings,
Grey
Ordinary things bump into ordinary things and depending on how the light hits them, we can see how amazing existence really is. We ignore it so often that life is dull. Our silver infused days become lackluster and just a piece of the junk we deal with, not the craft we weave and hammer and dance into being. I love my ordinary day. I love the way the blinds make the light flicker on the curtains.
Such a small little thought can change so much the way of the world. Simplicity, like a mountain stream, carves more deeply than shallow handholds of scoffing words. For this, I am thankful.
Blessings,
Grey
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Cut the ties that bind
Steady schedule online time: Get online. Turn on Yahoo messenger. Click Firefox. Type in 'www.' and scroll down one to Facebook. Click on Facebook. Click on inbox. Click another empty tab. Click on yahoo and check e-mail. Click on Facebook tab. Click on home. Scroll, respond, scroll, respond, scroll 'like', scroll respond. Click on Profile. Click on updates to catch those I may have missed. Click on events. Click 'maybe'. Click on PEER group. Find interesting links to post. Update PEER status message. Update personal status message. Research. Add link. Someone pops on fb chat. Talk. Curse fb chat. Switch to Yahoo messenger. Click click click...
When did I become a fb junkie? I stopped doing Farmville and Restaurant City a long time ago. The only ap. I touch is tetris... and... well it's just tetris. Even in the middle of the night, there's better things to do. When did I stop writing? When did I stop doing what I want to do? I felt a compulsion (yes, I have a bit of undiagnosed OCD tendencies). I have to be on top of everything. Be aware... Control freak? *nods and raises her hand* Facebook is a great way to be connected. Connect to your friends. Connect to your events. Instant gratification via the internet. *coughs* Well... you know what I mean.
It's good to give yourself a vacation. From work. Sure. From people. Yup. From Facebook. *nods* Sometimes your energy can be placed somewhere... less-than-premium. You can't always go to the beach and get away, but you can say "I'm going to take back two hours of my schedule today and do something different with it." Re-investing my time with something else. 14 hours/week of walks, play, joy, coffee dates, writing and maybe... just maybe meditation. Nah, I'm not going to stay offline, or even away from Facebook forever. I just need a break. And some reflection.
Analyze your whole self and you can see what you cannot while existing as a reactionary person. I can see this problem in other people... and told them many times "take care of yourself first." I need my own medicine and damn it... I'm taking it. What spurred this thought was a strange thing actually. Having nothing to do with fb. Someone accused me of not showing discretion concerning a magically oriented group. I realized my reaction was intense. Who me? I am the pillar of tact! Moreso, she reminded me that the group was a men's only group and no women were allowed so I needed to mind my own business and really you should have known and I'm telling you this because other people think the same way and by the way love and light. (mind you I've been attending their open meetings for the past 10 months regularly) She's making a mountain out of a mole hill... and selling shit with a touch of sugar at the end. *chuckles* It made me laugh at first. Then maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was because I just finished a four hour reading for someone... but I reacted strongly. I got very angry. I don't get angry like that. So, anything that helps me reflect on who I am and how I react and my motivations helps me. I don't like it, but I'm glad that this happened.
Even though I don't care what a lot of people think, I care what my friends think. Especially if I do something that offends them. I want to be aware of what they think and how they feel... so when I was challenged for crossing a line by being involved in a men's spirituality group... I suddenly worried. I worried I was not being respectful. That I had broken the integrity of my honor system. That somehow I missed it.
That's what bothered me the most. That I missed it... I missed the imaginary tactful tap tap taps that someone sends out saying I'm going too far. That I'm infringing on them. That I was being disrespectful. That is what got me angry. And that was a sign I needed to step back from the situation.
And so I did. I'm going to use all of the energy that I would in responding to her, all of the energy I have placed in fb and turning it inward. I'm going to pamper my Self. And yes, I did miss it. I missed the fact that I care too much about stuff that doesn't really matter. I must let go... and enjoy the ride.
Blessings,
Greymentality
When did I become a fb junkie? I stopped doing Farmville and Restaurant City a long time ago. The only ap. I touch is tetris... and... well it's just tetris. Even in the middle of the night, there's better things to do. When did I stop writing? When did I stop doing what I want to do? I felt a compulsion (yes, I have a bit of undiagnosed OCD tendencies). I have to be on top of everything. Be aware... Control freak? *nods and raises her hand* Facebook is a great way to be connected. Connect to your friends. Connect to your events. Instant gratification via the internet. *coughs* Well... you know what I mean.
It's good to give yourself a vacation. From work. Sure. From people. Yup. From Facebook. *nods* Sometimes your energy can be placed somewhere... less-than-premium. You can't always go to the beach and get away, but you can say "I'm going to take back two hours of my schedule today and do something different with it." Re-investing my time with something else. 14 hours/week of walks, play, joy, coffee dates, writing and maybe... just maybe meditation. Nah, I'm not going to stay offline, or even away from Facebook forever. I just need a break. And some reflection.
Analyze your whole self and you can see what you cannot while existing as a reactionary person. I can see this problem in other people... and told them many times "take care of yourself first." I need my own medicine and damn it... I'm taking it. What spurred this thought was a strange thing actually. Having nothing to do with fb. Someone accused me of not showing discretion concerning a magically oriented group. I realized my reaction was intense. Who me? I am the pillar of tact! Moreso, she reminded me that the group was a men's only group and no women were allowed so I needed to mind my own business and really you should have known and I'm telling you this because other people think the same way and by the way love and light. (mind you I've been attending their open meetings for the past 10 months regularly) She's making a mountain out of a mole hill... and selling shit with a touch of sugar at the end. *chuckles* It made me laugh at first. Then maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was because I just finished a four hour reading for someone... but I reacted strongly. I got very angry. I don't get angry like that. So, anything that helps me reflect on who I am and how I react and my motivations helps me. I don't like it, but I'm glad that this happened.
Even though I don't care what a lot of people think, I care what my friends think. Especially if I do something that offends them. I want to be aware of what they think and how they feel... so when I was challenged for crossing a line by being involved in a men's spirituality group... I suddenly worried. I worried I was not being respectful. That I had broken the integrity of my honor system. That somehow I missed it.
That's what bothered me the most. That I missed it... I missed the imaginary tactful tap tap taps that someone sends out saying I'm going too far. That I'm infringing on them. That I was being disrespectful. That is what got me angry. And that was a sign I needed to step back from the situation.
And so I did. I'm going to use all of the energy that I would in responding to her, all of the energy I have placed in fb and turning it inward. I'm going to pamper my Self. And yes, I did miss it. I missed the fact that I care too much about stuff that doesn't really matter. I must let go... and enjoy the ride.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Monday, July 19, 2010
What's in a title?
Well, I've had a discussion with my mother not too long ago. I realized it was time for me to use her preconceived notions and thoughts on the word Witch to my benefit. I decided to dethrone that term in my house with my mother. Since her definition will always include a nauseated ick feeling, I am reclaiming my 'title' as energy practitioner. Yes, I know. Titles are only as important as you make them. Yet if using them with others, they can be quite powerful.
About seven years ago I told my mother I could see 'auras.' About six years ago I told her I could see 'spirits/ghosts.' About five years ago I told her I could see the future. And then, I told her I was a Witch. Crash, boom, bam, collapse! My gentle crafting of understanding... or at least setting a stage to understanding... crashed under the weight of that word. I defined it. I explained it. And, yet... who'd a thunk that someone's thought process could crush my long balanced plan? Oh yes... something about the power of thought... and belief... Anyway... Before my mother wanted me to be a 'psychic.' It's so much easier to understand and even easier to explain to your family friends. However the term psychic seems to denotes that it is just innate abilities and gifts instead of hard work and practice. So, I threw that out the window as I didn't like the way it felt on my person. So, I chose a little over 11 years ago the term Witch. It was somewhat vague. Had a good connotation in my mind. It meant a person who practices magic and spellcraft. Poof. Yay. There ya go. I used it with people who understood the word at least somewhat correlating with my understanding. It worked (and still does to some degree).
When I was having one of those moments not too long ago about cutting up my illusion on life... shredding it out and breathing in the new skin of existence (gotta have those every once in a while)... I decided. Why the hell do I need that word? Yes, it means something to me. Yes it's easier when going around the circle explaining your beliefs just to say "Witch." But, perhaps by claiming that word I've become lazy. It's so much easier to just reclaim a word... or so I thought. Think about reclaimed wood. Sometimes it's at the bottom of a lake. Isn't it easier just to cut down a new piece of lumber instead of getting on a dive suit, scouting out murky waters, finding your treasure, going back up, waving someone over with the crane/boat, going back down in the water and hooking it up praying that the chains don't damage your find and that it will be worth it in the end. For those who like reclaimed wood. Yes. It is very worth it. It has a beauty that a brand new treated timber doesn't have. It has age. It has experience. It has a new life. Oh, and it's a green solution. And... it costs more.
Though the shift of understanding of the world Witch has increased dramatically over the last 20 years, at least concerning New Age practices, it still has hundreds of years of connotation that goes along with it. Are you really a healer in your community birthing babies and making love spells for two chickens and a hat? Are you someone who makes talismans out of hair, fingernails and iron? Are you an enemy to the church? Are you someone to be feared? Are you a hermit in the woods luring children into your oven with sweets and delectable treats? Do you curse men who have an ego to become the beasts they truly are? Do you hear the voice of God as you lead men into battle? I mean... there's a lot of things added to this word.
...and I have to say, some of it works for me. In the spirit of efficiency, however, I'd have to say it is easier to put forth my energy to explain this. "I'm an energy practitioner." Most people would say "Oh, what's that?" or "How do you mean?" (at least if they're curious) Then I can send my impression of what it means into their mind by the magic of words. I can use my associations with that title and create a new neural path in their minds... ok yes, they're doing the work for me... but still... It's easier. And maybe I am a little lazy, but I have more important things to worry about than what others think about me. Like, is the milk really out of date two days after the expiration date or when do I need to sign up for that class or hell... LIFE IS TOO IMPORTANT TO GET STUCK INSIDE IT. Pardon.. felt like yelling. :) But truth often does that. Yells and screams and stabs you in your eye. It's only your own fault if you can't feel it or hear it.
So, I learned a lot from my mother. How to make a great chili. How to refinish a house. But, this most of all. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. But sometimes... the pound of cure is necessary.
Blessings you crazy people,
Greymentality
About seven years ago I told my mother I could see 'auras.' About six years ago I told her I could see 'spirits/ghosts.' About five years ago I told her I could see the future. And then, I told her I was a Witch. Crash, boom, bam, collapse! My gentle crafting of understanding... or at least setting a stage to understanding... crashed under the weight of that word. I defined it. I explained it. And, yet... who'd a thunk that someone's thought process could crush my long balanced plan? Oh yes... something about the power of thought... and belief... Anyway... Before my mother wanted me to be a 'psychic.' It's so much easier to understand and even easier to explain to your family friends. However the term psychic seems to denotes that it is just innate abilities and gifts instead of hard work and practice. So, I threw that out the window as I didn't like the way it felt on my person. So, I chose a little over 11 years ago the term Witch. It was somewhat vague. Had a good connotation in my mind. It meant a person who practices magic and spellcraft. Poof. Yay. There ya go. I used it with people who understood the word at least somewhat correlating with my understanding. It worked (and still does to some degree).
When I was having one of those moments not too long ago about cutting up my illusion on life... shredding it out and breathing in the new skin of existence (gotta have those every once in a while)... I decided. Why the hell do I need that word? Yes, it means something to me. Yes it's easier when going around the circle explaining your beliefs just to say "Witch." But, perhaps by claiming that word I've become lazy. It's so much easier to just reclaim a word... or so I thought. Think about reclaimed wood. Sometimes it's at the bottom of a lake. Isn't it easier just to cut down a new piece of lumber instead of getting on a dive suit, scouting out murky waters, finding your treasure, going back up, waving someone over with the crane/boat, going back down in the water and hooking it up praying that the chains don't damage your find and that it will be worth it in the end. For those who like reclaimed wood. Yes. It is very worth it. It has a beauty that a brand new treated timber doesn't have. It has age. It has experience. It has a new life. Oh, and it's a green solution. And... it costs more.
Though the shift of understanding of the world Witch has increased dramatically over the last 20 years, at least concerning New Age practices, it still has hundreds of years of connotation that goes along with it. Are you really a healer in your community birthing babies and making love spells for two chickens and a hat? Are you someone who makes talismans out of hair, fingernails and iron? Are you an enemy to the church? Are you someone to be feared? Are you a hermit in the woods luring children into your oven with sweets and delectable treats? Do you curse men who have an ego to become the beasts they truly are? Do you hear the voice of God as you lead men into battle? I mean... there's a lot of things added to this word.
...and I have to say, some of it works for me. In the spirit of efficiency, however, I'd have to say it is easier to put forth my energy to explain this. "I'm an energy practitioner." Most people would say "Oh, what's that?" or "How do you mean?" (at least if they're curious) Then I can send my impression of what it means into their mind by the magic of words. I can use my associations with that title and create a new neural path in their minds... ok yes, they're doing the work for me... but still... It's easier. And maybe I am a little lazy, but I have more important things to worry about than what others think about me. Like, is the milk really out of date two days after the expiration date or when do I need to sign up for that class or hell... LIFE IS TOO IMPORTANT TO GET STUCK INSIDE IT. Pardon.. felt like yelling. :) But truth often does that. Yells and screams and stabs you in your eye. It's only your own fault if you can't feel it or hear it.
So, I learned a lot from my mother. How to make a great chili. How to refinish a house. But, this most of all. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. But sometimes... the pound of cure is necessary.
Blessings you crazy people,
Greymentality
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Stop making me laugh... You're making me hurt!
Perfect love. Perfect trust. Something associated with circles all over the country. Saying and doing are completely different things. A professional thing to remember when working with your coven members. It hits at the heart of working as a unit. It even helps the solo artist. Perfect love and perfect trust goes a long way when working alone. But, why is there so much freakin' drama? For instance...
Event 1: A fallout of a magical house. Emotional fireworks lead to drama as a member is cast out from the circle. Everyone is angry and wants everyone else to know their point of view and why theirs is closest to the truth.
Event 2: Misunderstanding among a solitary and someone who is a leader among local Pagan circles. Gossip surrounds the solitary practitioner and each feel like they must defend their position. People choose their side and wait for a moment when it really matters... the situation biding its time until the metaphorical fur flies.
Event 3: Two solitaries discuss emotional turmoil in their romantic relationships and share their thoughts with each other. As they do so they discover a vibrant connection energetically and realize that they would make great magical partners. One is willing to take a chance and proposition the other. The other is not willing to go that far, but acknowledges that facet. The dynamic of the two makes a promising working connection, yet the chemistry might be cause of an issue in the future.
Why do we do this? Why can't we just have a professional relationship with everyone else? Well... first off, probably because we're human. Second, it wouldn't be near as fun. Third, the only way to steer clear of drama of any sort is to not connect to anyone else and just be alone. Then, you have to deal with the drama of yourself. (Anyone seen Castaway?... yeah... tell me Wilson didn't invent drama after he was invented for that purpose...) Drama, in small doses is just social interaction. That is important in any social circles to help us reflect and challenge our views and practices. It's not a bad thing to choose sides. It's not a bad thing to challenge your morals. It's not a bad thing at all to have a struggle. How else will we learn?
When we focus on not letting go and holding on to the anger, the torment, the worry, the dramatic situations of the past... we build our foundation on sand.
After a time we become immune to the small doses of friction and tug-of-war. We want more. We want more violence to stoke our imagination. We want to hear the torture stories of someone coming out of a bad relationship. We want to observe pain from a safe distance and be the saviors... or maybe we are just sadists that don't have the heart to go through and hurt someone just for our pleasure so we seek out those already hurting and savor the stories... the hurt... just like watching a movie. Or maybe we wait till someone tells their story just for the chance to share your pain stories.
"After he beat me... I knew I had to leave."
"Oh that reminds me of when I was with Phil... he never hit me but he was a manipulator..."
Sharing stories can be a bonding experience. But, by reliving your past you take the chance of cutting open those old wounds and reveling in them. Masochist time! We think that by sharing our pain with the world it will make it go away. I don't know who started that idea... maybe therapists in the days of old... just to make a buck. "Go ahead, talk. It'll make you feel better."
You know, sometimes it does. It helps sort through things, but over a time... sharing over and over and over again, you repeat pain. You dampen your spirits. And darn it, I have had enough of that.
This is one of the reasons why I prefer to practice alone. People get in the way. So, I let them go. It's interesting... you notice the people who are actually interested in all of you when you let them be free to leave and not feed into their social addictions and predilections. They run through you like a sieve. It's sometimes better to not be noticed. But, if you are a figurehead for a group or a Lieutenant for a circle... sometimes the fur will fly and you'll have to catch it. Sometimes drama will hit you on your face like a warm piece of... pie. Then what do you do?
You handle it.
You let them yell. You let them scream. When they're tired enough, you respond and let them be on their way. You choose your battles. You stand your ground. Sometimes you just listen. But whatever you do... as a leader... whatever you do. Do not... under any circumstances... lose your sense of humor. :)
All of it. The agony. The he said/she said. The sickness of self... It is frakin' hilarious. Yes, be serious for a bit. Yes, hold the person and say things will work out. But you know, life's too short to live in a puddle and realize it's raining yellow. And if you do, laugh at it. Cause it's a joke. Life, with all its pleasures, experiences, sorrow, imagination, agony... it is, the Divine Punchline.
So, perhaps instead of jumping into the drama and choosing which colors to fight for... maybe a little giggle would be a better way to handle things. Hell, maybe an out and out cackle. I do a pretty mean one at that. ;)
Blessings people,
Greymentality
Event 1: A fallout of a magical house. Emotional fireworks lead to drama as a member is cast out from the circle. Everyone is angry and wants everyone else to know their point of view and why theirs is closest to the truth.
Event 2: Misunderstanding among a solitary and someone who is a leader among local Pagan circles. Gossip surrounds the solitary practitioner and each feel like they must defend their position. People choose their side and wait for a moment when it really matters... the situation biding its time until the metaphorical fur flies.
Event 3: Two solitaries discuss emotional turmoil in their romantic relationships and share their thoughts with each other. As they do so they discover a vibrant connection energetically and realize that they would make great magical partners. One is willing to take a chance and proposition the other. The other is not willing to go that far, but acknowledges that facet. The dynamic of the two makes a promising working connection, yet the chemistry might be cause of an issue in the future.
Why do we do this? Why can't we just have a professional relationship with everyone else? Well... first off, probably because we're human. Second, it wouldn't be near as fun. Third, the only way to steer clear of drama of any sort is to not connect to anyone else and just be alone. Then, you have to deal with the drama of yourself. (Anyone seen Castaway?... yeah... tell me Wilson didn't invent drama after he was invented for that purpose...) Drama, in small doses is just social interaction. That is important in any social circles to help us reflect and challenge our views and practices. It's not a bad thing to choose sides. It's not a bad thing to challenge your morals. It's not a bad thing at all to have a struggle. How else will we learn?
When we focus on not letting go and holding on to the anger, the torment, the worry, the dramatic situations of the past... we build our foundation on sand.
After a time we become immune to the small doses of friction and tug-of-war. We want more. We want more violence to stoke our imagination. We want to hear the torture stories of someone coming out of a bad relationship. We want to observe pain from a safe distance and be the saviors... or maybe we are just sadists that don't have the heart to go through and hurt someone just for our pleasure so we seek out those already hurting and savor the stories... the hurt... just like watching a movie. Or maybe we wait till someone tells their story just for the chance to share your pain stories.
"After he beat me... I knew I had to leave."
"Oh that reminds me of when I was with Phil... he never hit me but he was a manipulator..."
Sharing stories can be a bonding experience. But, by reliving your past you take the chance of cutting open those old wounds and reveling in them. Masochist time! We think that by sharing our pain with the world it will make it go away. I don't know who started that idea... maybe therapists in the days of old... just to make a buck. "Go ahead, talk. It'll make you feel better."
You know, sometimes it does. It helps sort through things, but over a time... sharing over and over and over again, you repeat pain. You dampen your spirits. And darn it, I have had enough of that.
This is one of the reasons why I prefer to practice alone. People get in the way. So, I let them go. It's interesting... you notice the people who are actually interested in all of you when you let them be free to leave and not feed into their social addictions and predilections. They run through you like a sieve. It's sometimes better to not be noticed. But, if you are a figurehead for a group or a Lieutenant for a circle... sometimes the fur will fly and you'll have to catch it. Sometimes drama will hit you on your face like a warm piece of... pie. Then what do you do?
You handle it.
You let them yell. You let them scream. When they're tired enough, you respond and let them be on their way. You choose your battles. You stand your ground. Sometimes you just listen. But whatever you do... as a leader... whatever you do. Do not... under any circumstances... lose your sense of humor. :)
All of it. The agony. The he said/she said. The sickness of self... It is frakin' hilarious. Yes, be serious for a bit. Yes, hold the person and say things will work out. But you know, life's too short to live in a puddle and realize it's raining yellow. And if you do, laugh at it. Cause it's a joke. Life, with all its pleasures, experiences, sorrow, imagination, agony... it is, the Divine Punchline.
So, perhaps instead of jumping into the drama and choosing which colors to fight for... maybe a little giggle would be a better way to handle things. Hell, maybe an out and out cackle. I do a pretty mean one at that. ;)
Blessings people,
Greymentality
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A working group
Not too long ago, I was able to have a good discussion on energy and perhaps having a good working group, or rather those who practice magic or energy work together. Anywho, a few nights ago, I was thinking on the fact that energies merge, mesh, mix when working with others. Like mixing colors on a pallet...or perhaps more like mixing the colors on a canvas to make a whole new organism... a whole new picture. For the past, I dunno... 8 years I haven't practiced regularly with more than one or two people at a time. Generally, I work alone. I've attended open circles and hosted them as well, but energy work and open circles... well... you just have to have a style that works with those sorts of energies. Me, I don't really enjoy 'calling quarters' or using athames or wands. My style is just different. I've been approached by some friends I've known for a very long time in hopes of actually starting a working group.
Each person has their own style and focus. Each person is unique, just like everybody else. (I had to say it... just had to. ^_^) The other night, we did an energy exercise aka playing with words. In this instance, it was a word association exercise. I say "cat", person 1 says "dog", person 2 says "fur" etc etc. While observing the energy exchange, I realized that certain energies can override and sway others strongly in that direction. For instance, sexual energy. It is, when people have a rapport with one another, contagious. If one person is highly focused on something so primal and instinctive, it sways the conversation to center over it. (it's hard to get your mind out of the gutter once people jump in with both feet) That energy can be used as a driving force or it can get in the way. That is something that must be considered when working closely with others. Also, some people project energy at a more intense rate while others are more mellow. Would that strength of focus or choice to express themselves so openly be a problem in the future? I'm thinking that ultimately that will to focus will be used as a positive thing, however it must be brought to light as an aspect of the individual and a facet of the group dynamic. When you work with others, you must use what you have. We are each others tools... so to speak. A synchronized dance of instinct, power, education, trust and love. Everyone is an ingredient. Like good gumbo. :) (can you tell I haven't had lunch yet?)
When choosing working partners, what is the most important? Similar interests? Similar goals? Similar styles? I think that overall there must be a degree of chemistry among the group. An ability to accept each others' idiosyncrasies yet still be able to call bulls***. To see each other by the light of moon and by the light of the sun. To see the hidden and to see the unveiled face of Self. Above all, work through problems and do not ignore them. When people ignore problems, they fester like a bed sore. I think that's a good piece of advice for life in general, but with a magical group, trust is something that is imperative and can be in danger depending on the problem at hand. What if someone makes someone feel uncomfortable? What if someone says something that hurts the feelings of another?
I've been spoiled. The person I practice the most with, we have such an open line of communication that even when we're angry or cranky... we talk or at least say we'll talk later due to our need of quiet time. Whatever the emotion or event... we know that we're here to help each other be it through listening, talking it out or agreeing to give each other space. Perhaps the most important part of any relationship is an open line of communication.
Well, that lunch isn't going to fix itself. :)
Blessings to you and yours,
Greymentality
Each person has their own style and focus. Each person is unique, just like everybody else. (I had to say it... just had to. ^_^) The other night, we did an energy exercise aka playing with words. In this instance, it was a word association exercise. I say "cat", person 1 says "dog", person 2 says "fur" etc etc. While observing the energy exchange, I realized that certain energies can override and sway others strongly in that direction. For instance, sexual energy. It is, when people have a rapport with one another, contagious. If one person is highly focused on something so primal and instinctive, it sways the conversation to center over it. (it's hard to get your mind out of the gutter once people jump in with both feet) That energy can be used as a driving force or it can get in the way. That is something that must be considered when working closely with others. Also, some people project energy at a more intense rate while others are more mellow. Would that strength of focus or choice to express themselves so openly be a problem in the future? I'm thinking that ultimately that will to focus will be used as a positive thing, however it must be brought to light as an aspect of the individual and a facet of the group dynamic. When you work with others, you must use what you have. We are each others tools... so to speak. A synchronized dance of instinct, power, education, trust and love. Everyone is an ingredient. Like good gumbo. :) (can you tell I haven't had lunch yet?)
When choosing working partners, what is the most important? Similar interests? Similar goals? Similar styles? I think that overall there must be a degree of chemistry among the group. An ability to accept each others' idiosyncrasies yet still be able to call bulls***. To see each other by the light of moon and by the light of the sun. To see the hidden and to see the unveiled face of Self. Above all, work through problems and do not ignore them. When people ignore problems, they fester like a bed sore. I think that's a good piece of advice for life in general, but with a magical group, trust is something that is imperative and can be in danger depending on the problem at hand. What if someone makes someone feel uncomfortable? What if someone says something that hurts the feelings of another?
I've been spoiled. The person I practice the most with, we have such an open line of communication that even when we're angry or cranky... we talk or at least say we'll talk later due to our need of quiet time. Whatever the emotion or event... we know that we're here to help each other be it through listening, talking it out or agreeing to give each other space. Perhaps the most important part of any relationship is an open line of communication.
Well, that lunch isn't going to fix itself. :)
Blessings to you and yours,
Greymentality
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Nothing too deep...
Lately I've been thinking a little differently. I've been having more moments where I don't want to deal with people, the public and anyone that puts on airs. For some reason, the blatant show of fake smiles and laughs make me annoyed. If someone laughs, I want to know that it means just that. Laughter. Something tickled them. Joy. I don't like hearing people laugh as a sound to fill the silence. I suppose laughter is something that has different sorts from the genuine to the hu-rumph.
I suppose I'm just tired of people lying to me with their presence. "How are you today?" "Fine." Lies! I know people are people, but sometimes I just have enough of the small talk and preludes to an actual conversation. It reminds me of a movie I heard of once. Invention of Lying. I've never seen it, but the idea is interesting. A world where no one can lie. Everyone tells exactly what they're thinking rude and all. But, one man invents lying. Interesting concept... Anyway... I've noticed lately I've been much happier just being home listening to the rain with the dogs. Maybe a vacation from people is in the cards. *shrug*
In other news, I've discovered the fun of Yoga, Hatha Vinyasa I believe it is called. Just been enjoying it. I've also been taking at least 2 long walks in the park every week. It's amazing how much you miss something when you don't do it... With the rain we've been having combined with such heat... it's been hard to get out there. I know my dog's been missing them. I guess I'm just very thankful and very motivated and oddly centered. Life is something I cannot ignore. Life is something of an adventure and... even though sometimes I don't want to see another human face or want to become a hermit part time... I am glad that the universe created me and I created my universe.
Enough contemplation right now... lets just listen to the rain...
Greymentality
I suppose I'm just tired of people lying to me with their presence. "How are you today?" "Fine." Lies! I know people are people, but sometimes I just have enough of the small talk and preludes to an actual conversation. It reminds me of a movie I heard of once. Invention of Lying. I've never seen it, but the idea is interesting. A world where no one can lie. Everyone tells exactly what they're thinking rude and all. But, one man invents lying. Interesting concept... Anyway... I've noticed lately I've been much happier just being home listening to the rain with the dogs. Maybe a vacation from people is in the cards. *shrug*
In other news, I've discovered the fun of Yoga, Hatha Vinyasa I believe it is called. Just been enjoying it. I've also been taking at least 2 long walks in the park every week. It's amazing how much you miss something when you don't do it... With the rain we've been having combined with such heat... it's been hard to get out there. I know my dog's been missing them. I guess I'm just very thankful and very motivated and oddly centered. Life is something I cannot ignore. Life is something of an adventure and... even though sometimes I don't want to see another human face or want to become a hermit part time... I am glad that the universe created me and I created my universe.
Enough contemplation right now... lets just listen to the rain...
Greymentality
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sacred Innocence
What is more powerful, the imagination of a child or the wisdom of an Elder? Thinking on this, I pondered. Power is something that is given to oneself. Power is something experienced, but often chased after as something to attain. Innocence is generally something that is destroyed or colored as one ages and experiences life in all its pains, fears and sharp experiences. Innocence is something remembered, loved and cherished. It is also something overlooked.
Fleeting moments of laughter stitches. Momentary frolicking in a pile of hay. Reminiscing about tea parties with your own children as you sit as a member in a youth's theatrical imagination. Then, you have to stop laughing and go back to your paperwork. You have to clean up all those itchy strands of straw and feed the horses. You have to clean the tea set and pick up the boys from soccer practice. The life you've been living with adult needs and adult values takes over.
So, what is more powerful? Child or Sage? The imagination of a child is still not segmented into colors and shading of experience. The imagination of a child is actually experiencing how to organize their synaptic activity in a way they want. They start out reaching for dreams instead of postponing them. And what of the Sage. The Sage would have experienced quite a lot of life. Been a child. Been a mother/father (if not biologically, to others in their life). Seen death. Seen the ways of human nature and mother nature. The Sage Knows. Two iconic figures in life that bring a strong reaction. The young Maiden. The elder Crone. Yes, we are all knowledgeable of the young lady figure we see in the Triple Goddess statues. The vibrant maiden ripe as a peach and ready to begin her journey into womanhood. What off the child? What of the one that is fresh from birth and still able to sense the Before? The connection between Life and Death is close as well as a wisdom very similar to the Sage... an honest clear sense of Knowing.
So, I suppose that would be the Child Sage... quite similar to the childlike Buddha mentioned in the Osho Zen Tarot card "Awareness." The childlike Buddha appears after a cool fire burns the veil of illusion. The Child Sage is beyond illusion. So why do we see the innocent as naive or weak? It is because we know the many things in this world that will devour the innocent and tear it asunder. But, how can you render an idea? You can't, at least not very easily. The idea of innocence is something that lives on as each child is born. The potential of life, the exploration of the simple as well as complex matters of the mind, heart, spirit and surrounding environment. The innocence within may hide behind a shadow of fear or doubt... or even an active ignoring of said inner child. We know this because we live in the 'real world.' We don't all go frolicking around... but... neither does the inner child. There is a time for contemplation as well as rest and play. As much as we need an adult opinion and responsible nature, we need to allow ourselves to let loose our mind and spread imagination in new and inventive ways. We need to set aside stress and fears so that we may actually be able to enjoy life. That is, indeed, the innocent nature of humanity. The battery behind our exploratory nature is the pure light of the Child Sage, the untouched one. Though we use this battery to explore things of all sorts that color the light in shades of study, expression, motherhood, career, sexuality and things not normally associated with youth, it remains vitally bright and brilliant white like whitest wool before staining or the canvas beneath a portrait.
The innocence of self is important when your energy centers need filling. It is a sacred thing... a sacred state and something to be honored, not overlooked. The wisdom of the inner child is joy of the game of life. If you can appreciate this, then maybe you're not as far away from your Child Sage than previously thought.
Blessings to you and yours,
Greymentality
Fleeting moments of laughter stitches. Momentary frolicking in a pile of hay. Reminiscing about tea parties with your own children as you sit as a member in a youth's theatrical imagination. Then, you have to stop laughing and go back to your paperwork. You have to clean up all those itchy strands of straw and feed the horses. You have to clean the tea set and pick up the boys from soccer practice. The life you've been living with adult needs and adult values takes over.
So, what is more powerful? Child or Sage? The imagination of a child is still not segmented into colors and shading of experience. The imagination of a child is actually experiencing how to organize their synaptic activity in a way they want. They start out reaching for dreams instead of postponing them. And what of the Sage. The Sage would have experienced quite a lot of life. Been a child. Been a mother/father (if not biologically, to others in their life). Seen death. Seen the ways of human nature and mother nature. The Sage Knows. Two iconic figures in life that bring a strong reaction. The young Maiden. The elder Crone. Yes, we are all knowledgeable of the young lady figure we see in the Triple Goddess statues. The vibrant maiden ripe as a peach and ready to begin her journey into womanhood. What off the child? What of the one that is fresh from birth and still able to sense the Before? The connection between Life and Death is close as well as a wisdom very similar to the Sage... an honest clear sense of Knowing.
So, I suppose that would be the Child Sage... quite similar to the childlike Buddha mentioned in the Osho Zen Tarot card "Awareness." The childlike Buddha appears after a cool fire burns the veil of illusion. The Child Sage is beyond illusion. So why do we see the innocent as naive or weak? It is because we know the many things in this world that will devour the innocent and tear it asunder. But, how can you render an idea? You can't, at least not very easily. The idea of innocence is something that lives on as each child is born. The potential of life, the exploration of the simple as well as complex matters of the mind, heart, spirit and surrounding environment. The innocence within may hide behind a shadow of fear or doubt... or even an active ignoring of said inner child. We know this because we live in the 'real world.' We don't all go frolicking around... but... neither does the inner child. There is a time for contemplation as well as rest and play. As much as we need an adult opinion and responsible nature, we need to allow ourselves to let loose our mind and spread imagination in new and inventive ways. We need to set aside stress and fears so that we may actually be able to enjoy life. That is, indeed, the innocent nature of humanity. The battery behind our exploratory nature is the pure light of the Child Sage, the untouched one. Though we use this battery to explore things of all sorts that color the light in shades of study, expression, motherhood, career, sexuality and things not normally associated with youth, it remains vitally bright and brilliant white like whitest wool before staining or the canvas beneath a portrait.
The innocence of self is important when your energy centers need filling. It is a sacred thing... a sacred state and something to be honored, not overlooked. The wisdom of the inner child is joy of the game of life. If you can appreciate this, then maybe you're not as far away from your Child Sage than previously thought.
Blessings to you and yours,
Greymentality
Friday, April 2, 2010
Perhaps a rant...
People are stupid annoying creatures while the occasional individual can be thought provoking and sincere with redeeming attributes... I just want a little rant about the former...
Concerning people who take advantage of the elderly... shame on you. You know what happens to those who shame a family or community? They get ignored, cast out and turned into a pariah. Shame on you who do these things. Survivors, yes... but you're digging a hole the way you go about it. Humane, no. Respected, no. You are the limp old celery in the back of the refrigerator that's gone bad... there was a chance you were useful, but now you are a slimy disgusting parcel of tasteless fibers.... and the only thing holding you together is the will of the universe and the mercy of your once strong substance given to you at birth until you went and fraked it all up. And you bring too much attention to yourselves. One day you will pray on the wrong person and karma will come to collect... or an angry witch.
Concerning pedophiles who think they really love children... you do not love children. Your mind is warped into thinking children can be mentally able to understand the consequences of a sexual relationship. The year is 2010 C.E., not 2,000 B.C.E. This is not ancient Greece. Therefore, there is no sociological structure for you to put your putrid harmful ideals in this day and age. Children are children. And if you think 'loving' them is a good thing... that you are a mentor showing affection... that they really want it? Then you should think back to when you were 7 years old. Were you able to make a logical decision when it came to... well... most anything? Heck, when you were 13... were you ready to have sex and be mentally able to understand what that meant?? If you answered yes, then you have more issues than just being a predator to children. You're deluded. Love is not scarring a child for the rest of their life making them more likely to focus in on abusive situations and addictive substances. You deserve everything that happens to you once you go to prison.
Concerning date rapists... When the woman is drunk and unable to speak... she is in no shape for sex. There is no way consent is possible. You have just raped someone. When you steal away the choices of another by forcing yourself into them... you may feel powerful. You may feel that you have just made yourself unforgettable and wedged into their memory as vividly as their first time. You are right. You have also fed your inner child away to a greedy demonic energy each and every time you do this until you have no core left. Only the craving of destruction and the empty resounding of a pin drop... your integrity is S.O.L. I dislike the thought of you. I dislike the fact that I've met you before. I dislike the fact that I've shared the same oxygen in the same room with you. What I dislike the most is that you never admit it... and you think you're a good person. Good luck with that...
Concerning rude people. You get more flies with honey than vinegar... just make sure you're not in neck deep sand when you decide to use it. :) Flies aren't the only ones who like honey. Ants do too. :)
Finally... I'm not going to go beat up anyone. I'm just tired of annoying sadistic sorry excuses for life that do these things. It's better to talk about it than let it fester yes? Just didn't want anyone worried I'll go all vigilante... It's just been a long week.
Thanks for listening...
Greymentality
Concerning people who take advantage of the elderly... shame on you. You know what happens to those who shame a family or community? They get ignored, cast out and turned into a pariah. Shame on you who do these things. Survivors, yes... but you're digging a hole the way you go about it. Humane, no. Respected, no. You are the limp old celery in the back of the refrigerator that's gone bad... there was a chance you were useful, but now you are a slimy disgusting parcel of tasteless fibers.... and the only thing holding you together is the will of the universe and the mercy of your once strong substance given to you at birth until you went and fraked it all up. And you bring too much attention to yourselves. One day you will pray on the wrong person and karma will come to collect... or an angry witch.
Concerning pedophiles who think they really love children... you do not love children. Your mind is warped into thinking children can be mentally able to understand the consequences of a sexual relationship. The year is 2010 C.E., not 2,000 B.C.E. This is not ancient Greece. Therefore, there is no sociological structure for you to put your putrid harmful ideals in this day and age. Children are children. And if you think 'loving' them is a good thing... that you are a mentor showing affection... that they really want it? Then you should think back to when you were 7 years old. Were you able to make a logical decision when it came to... well... most anything? Heck, when you were 13... were you ready to have sex and be mentally able to understand what that meant?? If you answered yes, then you have more issues than just being a predator to children. You're deluded. Love is not scarring a child for the rest of their life making them more likely to focus in on abusive situations and addictive substances. You deserve everything that happens to you once you go to prison.
Concerning date rapists... When the woman is drunk and unable to speak... she is in no shape for sex. There is no way consent is possible. You have just raped someone. When you steal away the choices of another by forcing yourself into them... you may feel powerful. You may feel that you have just made yourself unforgettable and wedged into their memory as vividly as their first time. You are right. You have also fed your inner child away to a greedy demonic energy each and every time you do this until you have no core left. Only the craving of destruction and the empty resounding of a pin drop... your integrity is S.O.L. I dislike the thought of you. I dislike the fact that I've met you before. I dislike the fact that I've shared the same oxygen in the same room with you. What I dislike the most is that you never admit it... and you think you're a good person. Good luck with that...
Concerning rude people. You get more flies with honey than vinegar... just make sure you're not in neck deep sand when you decide to use it. :) Flies aren't the only ones who like honey. Ants do too. :)
Finally... I'm not going to go beat up anyone. I'm just tired of annoying sadistic sorry excuses for life that do these things. It's better to talk about it than let it fester yes? Just didn't want anyone worried I'll go all vigilante... It's just been a long week.
Thanks for listening...
Greymentality
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Pagan Night Out
Around two years ago, our local Pagan Night Out was canceled. People scattered... and many lost touch. Sad to say, it was sorely missed... especially by me. So, we starting it again this Friday. :) There will be cake. There will be fun. And, there will be Pagan Show N' Tell. I've discovered that if you're missing something in the community, most likely others are too. It's simple. Just people getting together. And, it's finally coming to fruition. I'm giddy that this is finally happening. However, I am curious. As someone new to hosting events, I am wondering if anyone has any advice concerning herding the cats that are the Pagan community. Anyone have any strange/interesting/helpful suggestions/stories you'd like to share? Anyway, update...updated. :)
Blessings,
Greymentality
Blessings,
Greymentality
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Health and Obesity in Pagan Life
Among dog toys, dirty dishes, unmade beds and the squeaking of a hedgehog... I found my center. Yes yes, I cleaned up the dishes....basically. I made the bed and corralled the toys. Then, I went to the gym. I have come to the point where I need to better my body as well as my spirit. It's all energy right? I've been taking long walks with the dog the past week and broke my record time on the elliptical. I've actually been having mindful exercise and healthy activity. So... why did I start thinking this way? I mean... I've had similar thoughts before about being active. But, why now?
One night as I was going to sleep, I started... well having a discussion with myself. The shadow self, the unknown threw some things in my face that I needed to deal with. Well, one thing. I'm fat. Obese. Yes, I think I'm beautiful. Yes I think I'm sexy. But no, I do not treat my body the way it deserves. I weigh 225lbs and am 5'4". I have all of the ingredients to get myself to the health level I know I should be... I'm just lazy. I'd rather be on the computer than taking walks. I'd rather be watching t.v. than playing sports. I've been ignoring a problem in my life for a long time.
Enough of that... lets discuss the need to be healthy as a Pagan, heck as a witch. As a Pagan, I view nature as sacred. The neutral awe-inspiring beauty and savage terror associated with all that is. Nature, with its small shows of compassion paralleled with the cravings of survival... if I were to go out into the woods...and survive... I'd have it much more difficult than someone who weighed 100lbs less than me. When a predator is chasing you, you only have to outrun the slowest person... and... that would be me. >_< Anywho, I'm not presenting myself as sacred to the divine. The body is the expression of the strands and particles that form out of an amazing pattern of my ancestors... DNA... water, carbon and trace elements + spark = me. So, why do I want to kill myself early? I'd rather be here celebrating life and doing my work. And as a witch, well... anyone who understand energy mechanics will know that someone who is out of shape will not let flow energy as well as someone (with the same skill level) who is in shape. It'll make me a better witch. A better Pagan. A better woman.
So, this is all the same stuff you've probably heard before. On shows like "The Biggest Loser" and the infomercials of "Jenny Craig." People saying "I hate getting clothes just so that they'd fit me... I hate that I can't go on rides with my child because of my weight..." All of this I've heard before. I've felt similarly before. It's like someone who smokes cigarettes and wants to quit... you gotta keep trying or you'll never succeed. I know that my local Pagan community, just like the rest of the U.S. is fighting this. Does anyone know of a Pagan weight-loss/health groups so that people could check in and share online or heck offline? I've looked and couldn't find one...course I didn't look to hard. I've been off my tuchus lately and not in front of the pc as much. Which is good... I'm just thankful and excited about the fact that I'm going to look exactly like I look when I dream, instead of the woman who ate her.
Blessings,
Greymentality
One night as I was going to sleep, I started... well having a discussion with myself. The shadow self, the unknown threw some things in my face that I needed to deal with. Well, one thing. I'm fat. Obese. Yes, I think I'm beautiful. Yes I think I'm sexy. But no, I do not treat my body the way it deserves. I weigh 225lbs and am 5'4". I have all of the ingredients to get myself to the health level I know I should be... I'm just lazy. I'd rather be on the computer than taking walks. I'd rather be watching t.v. than playing sports. I've been ignoring a problem in my life for a long time.
Enough of that... lets discuss the need to be healthy as a Pagan, heck as a witch. As a Pagan, I view nature as sacred. The neutral awe-inspiring beauty and savage terror associated with all that is. Nature, with its small shows of compassion paralleled with the cravings of survival... if I were to go out into the woods...and survive... I'd have it much more difficult than someone who weighed 100lbs less than me. When a predator is chasing you, you only have to outrun the slowest person... and... that would be me. >_< Anywho, I'm not presenting myself as sacred to the divine. The body is the expression of the strands and particles that form out of an amazing pattern of my ancestors... DNA... water, carbon and trace elements + spark = me. So, why do I want to kill myself early? I'd rather be here celebrating life and doing my work. And as a witch, well... anyone who understand energy mechanics will know that someone who is out of shape will not let flow energy as well as someone (with the same skill level) who is in shape. It'll make me a better witch. A better Pagan. A better woman.
So, this is all the same stuff you've probably heard before. On shows like "The Biggest Loser" and the infomercials of "Jenny Craig." People saying "I hate getting clothes just so that they'd fit me... I hate that I can't go on rides with my child because of my weight..." All of this I've heard before. I've felt similarly before. It's like someone who smokes cigarettes and wants to quit... you gotta keep trying or you'll never succeed. I know that my local Pagan community, just like the rest of the U.S. is fighting this. Does anyone know of a Pagan weight-loss/health groups so that people could check in and share online or heck offline? I've looked and couldn't find one...course I didn't look to hard. I've been off my tuchus lately and not in front of the pc as much. Which is good... I'm just thankful and excited about the fact that I'm going to look exactly like I look when I dream, instead of the woman who ate her.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Curses, Anger, Ethics and Chili
Deep...fire...a heart blackened by adrenaline streaked anger. Hands that tremor normally are suddenly still. A chest that would normally be warm is now spreading out piping hot heat toward the appendages. A face that's autopilot includes a gentle if not goofy smile and eyes understandingly soft has shifted to another face. A face from the darker side of emotion and character. Usually it is kept chained underneath pleasantries and ethics. Usually people push it under the rug only letting it sneak to the top when a button is pushed or the boiling point is reached. The face of anger.
As a child, I was taught how to 'control' anger... only instead of control, they meant ignore until it goes away or become passive or even put the anger felt to others on yourself. I've been trying to give anger the respect it deserves as an adult, but I haven't felt a pure anger without sadness mixed in before, until now. Within the past week (I will not include too detailed a synopsis because that would be airing my laundry a bit too much), I've observed the consequences of two women siphoning money from someone I love who is 81 years old and has dementia. Over the past 6 months, they have found a way to take over $10,000, more or less, of his savings for their greed. He is not rich either. For the first time in... ever... I've had a seriously strong urge to curse someone.
I felt the dark flame rise up. I went through my repertoire of efficient craftings I've learned over the years... ways to make a curse as potent and painful as possible. The pros and cons of using blood... The ways to tear at their chords in order to make them spring back like a cat o' nine tails. The Law of Return. The most emotionless to the most passionate. The sharp to the slow. I felt it. I knew. I could do this more easily than heal the situation. And oh...would it be sweet. I knew... and I did not do this.
I didn't refrain because of the fact that this could cause serious damage to someone's life and all the lives associated with them. I didn't refrain because they may die. I didn't refrain because it would be a slow torture that I'd feel badly about later. I refrained because I knew it wasn't me. I've always known that if anyone messes with those I love, I'd return some sort of...something to the situation. No mercy. Well, it didn't occur exactly how I'd expected. So, I know that saying this might seem that I'm showing my hand to those who may want to take advantage of someone and think..."Oh, she's an open target...won't fight back when pushed..." No. I just knew that the damage to my character would cause me more harm than good if I continued vengeance on pitiful human beings that would smuggle money from a man who deserves respect as an elder. I can't just ram into everything and be done with it. The situation is in need of delicate work. Besides, if I cursed someone it would indeed be a powerful one with the emotion behind it. But, I wouldn't have sorted out the working... there would be consequences on the karmic level to not only me, but those I love and care for.
So what does it mean to curse? Merriam-Webster Online says that to curse means (other than saying insolent things to a person): to call upon divine or supernatural power to send injury upon or to bring great evil upon. (1) Yup. Sounds about right. Now, some people split hairs and say that they send out a karmic-retribution spell. "It's not a curse, it's their karma coming back on them." Well, it's gonna hurt ain't it? Curse! Now. I thought about doing this as well. Less energy used on my end. All of their karma on top of what they're up to. Poof! Bam! Wack! Drip drip... ka-flunk. Thud. Nothing so amusing as the Karma Fairy popping down in a glittery cloud only to hit someone over the head with a metallic heavy blunt instrument in the shape of a baseball bat. As someone who has faith that the divine will work things out... I need to have faith that this will indeed happen at some point for those women. Only... karmic justice isn't my job. I told my brother that I am a tool for the divine and I do what I need to do...not always what I want to do.
This is one of the occasions where I must bite my spell flinging tongue and help the person who is in trouble and in need of healing. It's more difficult in my opinion to heal than it is to destroy. It takes more time usually... Now, there is a chance I might change my mind depending on the situation. However, if I do end up cursing someone... it will be a surgical strike and not a rampant rage-fest. I do wonder though... how many people who practice use curses as a regular and normal part of their lives? Depending on their perspective on how they live their life, have they found a way to make it a healthy part of their spiritual journey? Is it easier to be a passion flogged hedonist or a tedious priestess in order to send out a curse? Where does morality sink in here?
The logical side of myself steadied my hand and I decided to instead analyze the variety of frustration I was feeling. So... in response to this spiritual experimentation and grumblies, tonight I made chili as it was doing all sorts of cold weather today. Sunny, then pea-sized hail, then rain, then sleet, then rain and snow, then quiet cold... I figured chili will make up for it. I spoke with my mother while I stirred the pot splattering the microwave with tomato bits. We laughed. We hugged. We shared thoughts. We listened.
I realized the subtleties of having a mother who wants to give and create a lovingly warm night of family bonding and laughter is just as important as the subtle sharpness I felt in my shadow self. The warmth is tastier and enjoyable. The cold is easier to notice and feed off of. What do my ethics tell me of using my light and dark emotions alongside my Craft? It says: Use them both. Use them both, but be honorable in your work. Too much cold will kill parts of yourself while too much warmth can keep you from learning from the ignored and unseen. Now, you just know yourself better. Now you are ready to learn more. Even the flame holds a shadow...
Blessings,
Greymentality
(1) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cursing
As a child, I was taught how to 'control' anger... only instead of control, they meant ignore until it goes away or become passive or even put the anger felt to others on yourself. I've been trying to give anger the respect it deserves as an adult, but I haven't felt a pure anger without sadness mixed in before, until now. Within the past week (I will not include too detailed a synopsis because that would be airing my laundry a bit too much), I've observed the consequences of two women siphoning money from someone I love who is 81 years old and has dementia. Over the past 6 months, they have found a way to take over $10,000, more or less, of his savings for their greed. He is not rich either. For the first time in... ever... I've had a seriously strong urge to curse someone.
I felt the dark flame rise up. I went through my repertoire of efficient craftings I've learned over the years... ways to make a curse as potent and painful as possible. The pros and cons of using blood... The ways to tear at their chords in order to make them spring back like a cat o' nine tails. The Law of Return. The most emotionless to the most passionate. The sharp to the slow. I felt it. I knew. I could do this more easily than heal the situation. And oh...would it be sweet. I knew... and I did not do this.
I didn't refrain because of the fact that this could cause serious damage to someone's life and all the lives associated with them. I didn't refrain because they may die. I didn't refrain because it would be a slow torture that I'd feel badly about later. I refrained because I knew it wasn't me. I've always known that if anyone messes with those I love, I'd return some sort of...something to the situation. No mercy. Well, it didn't occur exactly how I'd expected. So, I know that saying this might seem that I'm showing my hand to those who may want to take advantage of someone and think..."Oh, she's an open target...won't fight back when pushed..." No. I just knew that the damage to my character would cause me more harm than good if I continued vengeance on pitiful human beings that would smuggle money from a man who deserves respect as an elder. I can't just ram into everything and be done with it. The situation is in need of delicate work. Besides, if I cursed someone it would indeed be a powerful one with the emotion behind it. But, I wouldn't have sorted out the working... there would be consequences on the karmic level to not only me, but those I love and care for.
So what does it mean to curse? Merriam-Webster Online says that to curse means (other than saying insolent things to a person): to call upon divine or supernatural power to send injury upon or to bring great evil upon. (1) Yup. Sounds about right. Now, some people split hairs and say that they send out a karmic-retribution spell. "It's not a curse, it's their karma coming back on them." Well, it's gonna hurt ain't it? Curse! Now. I thought about doing this as well. Less energy used on my end. All of their karma on top of what they're up to. Poof! Bam! Wack! Drip drip... ka-flunk. Thud. Nothing so amusing as the Karma Fairy popping down in a glittery cloud only to hit someone over the head with a metallic heavy blunt instrument in the shape of a baseball bat. As someone who has faith that the divine will work things out... I need to have faith that this will indeed happen at some point for those women. Only... karmic justice isn't my job. I told my brother that I am a tool for the divine and I do what I need to do...not always what I want to do.
This is one of the occasions where I must bite my spell flinging tongue and help the person who is in trouble and in need of healing. It's more difficult in my opinion to heal than it is to destroy. It takes more time usually... Now, there is a chance I might change my mind depending on the situation. However, if I do end up cursing someone... it will be a surgical strike and not a rampant rage-fest. I do wonder though... how many people who practice use curses as a regular and normal part of their lives? Depending on their perspective on how they live their life, have they found a way to make it a healthy part of their spiritual journey? Is it easier to be a passion flogged hedonist or a tedious priestess in order to send out a curse? Where does morality sink in here?
The logical side of myself steadied my hand and I decided to instead analyze the variety of frustration I was feeling. So... in response to this spiritual experimentation and grumblies, tonight I made chili as it was doing all sorts of cold weather today. Sunny, then pea-sized hail, then rain, then sleet, then rain and snow, then quiet cold... I figured chili will make up for it. I spoke with my mother while I stirred the pot splattering the microwave with tomato bits. We laughed. We hugged. We shared thoughts. We listened.
I realized the subtleties of having a mother who wants to give and create a lovingly warm night of family bonding and laughter is just as important as the subtle sharpness I felt in my shadow self. The warmth is tastier and enjoyable. The cold is easier to notice and feed off of. What do my ethics tell me of using my light and dark emotions alongside my Craft? It says: Use them both. Use them both, but be honorable in your work. Too much cold will kill parts of yourself while too much warmth can keep you from learning from the ignored and unseen. Now, you just know yourself better. Now you are ready to learn more. Even the flame holds a shadow...
Blessings,
Greymentality
(1) http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cursing
Friday, January 22, 2010
Is it worth it?
People care so much about feeding fears and paranoia, so much so that they feed it friendships and enough time/energy that it can make them sick. Why do people care so much? And why have we not weeded this out over an evolutionary time line? I'm not perfect. I'm saying this with that in mind. I have had fears. I haven't always reacted well with them. But, I am thinking now from a more objective point of view.
Event: A person walks next to a house and stops. Looks at something and moves on.
Perspective 1 (the person): I walk by a friend's house on my way to town. I see the statue they told me about as I walk past. I wave at the house and move on.
Perspective 2 (person from house): Sees a woman walk next to her house and peer in. Questions her motivations and feeds fear.
Perspective 3 (the dog next door): I smell a person. I hear a person. I see a person walking down the street. Alert! Alert! *bark bark bark*
Perspective 4 (the sun): I am the sun. I shine. I exist.
The twist of events is geared toward emotion often when people do not realize it. The event itself is what it is. An event. It happened. It's over. Memory isn't the most dependable reflection we may have. When we reflect in water, the image is often skewed unless the water is still. How often in this life does water stay so still we can reflect a perfect image? Perfection in existence is an ideal better understood through simplicity. Emotions, though simple, twist events so that the ripples are more complicated..more tangled.
Be careful how much energy you give a perspective. In a way, it's all you have.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Event: A person walks next to a house and stops. Looks at something and moves on.
Perspective 1 (the person): I walk by a friend's house on my way to town. I see the statue they told me about as I walk past. I wave at the house and move on.
Perspective 2 (person from house): Sees a woman walk next to her house and peer in. Questions her motivations and feeds fear.
Perspective 3 (the dog next door): I smell a person. I hear a person. I see a person walking down the street. Alert! Alert! *bark bark bark*
Perspective 4 (the sun): I am the sun. I shine. I exist.
The twist of events is geared toward emotion often when people do not realize it. The event itself is what it is. An event. It happened. It's over. Memory isn't the most dependable reflection we may have. When we reflect in water, the image is often skewed unless the water is still. How often in this life does water stay so still we can reflect a perfect image? Perfection in existence is an ideal better understood through simplicity. Emotions, though simple, twist events so that the ripples are more complicated..more tangled.
Be careful how much energy you give a perspective. In a way, it's all you have.
Blessings,
Greymentality
Monday, January 18, 2010
My dog ate my Book of Shadows...
Well...he ate some of it. More like, he ate the corner spine of the book I keep some of my spiritual thoughts and reflections in. I go into my room and my schnauzer has found the notebook (which was still in a bag of all things) and ate a corner off. I am just thankful he didn't eat the pages. I had a moment where I thought: Should I freak? Or should I just shrug it off? I chose the shrug. Then the thought came into my mind: What if he ate the entirety of the volume I've been working on? Thoughts of sadness, anger, frustration and lack of control flew through my mind and... another one flashed.
*Flash!* Snap out of it! Are you your Book of Shadows? Does it take away the power within? Does it take away the power without? Save for the fact you put energy into something and it came near to destruction, what all have you lost?
Nothing. If I give power to the fear, I give power to something other than myself. I lose. Besides, the acceptance that I am not master of all is actually quite freeing. I need a little wack off my high horse on occasion, a little slap out of my pride. Besides, I love my dog. What's more important? ... I know some people would actually say that their Book of Shadows is much more important than their pet. That's their prerogative. That's their choice. In a way, I tie my own hands by allowing myself to live a life of personal morals that include: Must Love Dogs. And, as long as I'm okay with the outcome, be it shredded carpets, missing glasses and a not-so-perfect binding for my thoughts... I will just have to accept it with a sigh and a shrug.
In other news, I actually did post a more recent blog on here. A nice long enjoyable one...and...it just...didn't work... As a person that is used to cutting and pasting her work from a word document to blogs, it is somewhat annoying to realize that blogger just doesn't like that. I wouldn't mind any advice there on how to be able to succeed in cutting and pasting info. from another source so that I can share with you guys on blogspot.. I know nothing of Html. So, if anyone knows how to fix this problem, I'm all ears. :)
Also in other news, I've been active in the Bardic Circle that's been going on in the area. I look forward to the next one which is the Friday after Imbolc. But, what I've been quite excited about is that I've decided to be the contact for the return of the Pagan Night Out. I miss it. It was something I came to depend on, and for over two years, it's just not been happening. So... we're starting it in March and thanks to a very nice small business owner named Tavane, we have a place. I think the area needs it, at least to depend on a continuous event that has both the organization of having presentations etc. and the social hour after (in a place people know and love...next door to the local Pagan/Earth Centered Trad. store). With the help of my friend Rowena and anyone else who'd like to help out, I am thankful for this chance to start anew something that I think will be a big help for those who just need a break.
I've also learned something else...and this is perhaps more important and a tad serious compared to the former part of this post. My mother had to go to the emergency room a few weeks ago. She was having complications from a previous surgery to her abdomen. Before anyone freaks, she's fine now. However, she kept asking me what I saw. If everything was okay. Frightened and in pain, she wanted answers. I couldn't give them. I told her exactly what I saw, a bulging with contractions of pain pushing in right *and I'd point to the place where I saw it* there. There was movement of energy and no black spots. But, I couldn't decipher it. First, I was exhausted and it was early in the morning. I wasn't on my A game. Second, I'd never seen energy that way before. I did feel helpless, at least when it came to telling her what I saw.
Then, I have to have another flash of *Snap out of it!* because a) I'm not a doctor, b) I did the best thing I could have done by taking her to the ER and contacted/updated everyone. c) Everything turned out fine. She had surgery and got the problem fixed.
She's going back to work on Tuesday and she's feeling great. :)
So in conclusion: Preparation and decisive actions used in accordance with a brain = positive outcome (most likely) Thanks for reading and enjoy your Imbolc.
Blessings,
Greymentality
*Flash!* Snap out of it! Are you your Book of Shadows? Does it take away the power within? Does it take away the power without? Save for the fact you put energy into something and it came near to destruction, what all have you lost?
Nothing. If I give power to the fear, I give power to something other than myself. I lose. Besides, the acceptance that I am not master of all is actually quite freeing. I need a little wack off my high horse on occasion, a little slap out of my pride. Besides, I love my dog. What's more important? ... I know some people would actually say that their Book of Shadows is much more important than their pet. That's their prerogative. That's their choice. In a way, I tie my own hands by allowing myself to live a life of personal morals that include: Must Love Dogs. And, as long as I'm okay with the outcome, be it shredded carpets, missing glasses and a not-so-perfect binding for my thoughts... I will just have to accept it with a sigh and a shrug.
In other news, I actually did post a more recent blog on here. A nice long enjoyable one...and...it just...didn't work... As a person that is used to cutting and pasting her work from a word document to blogs, it is somewhat annoying to realize that blogger just doesn't like that. I wouldn't mind any advice there on how to be able to succeed in cutting and pasting info. from another source so that I can share with you guys on blogspot.. I know nothing of Html. So, if anyone knows how to fix this problem, I'm all ears. :)
Also in other news, I've been active in the Bardic Circle that's been going on in the area. I look forward to the next one which is the Friday after Imbolc. But, what I've been quite excited about is that I've decided to be the contact for the return of the Pagan Night Out. I miss it. It was something I came to depend on, and for over two years, it's just not been happening. So... we're starting it in March and thanks to a very nice small business owner named Tavane, we have a place. I think the area needs it, at least to depend on a continuous event that has both the organization of having presentations etc. and the social hour after (in a place people know and love...next door to the local Pagan/Earth Centered Trad. store). With the help of my friend Rowena and anyone else who'd like to help out, I am thankful for this chance to start anew something that I think will be a big help for those who just need a break.
I've also learned something else...and this is perhaps more important and a tad serious compared to the former part of this post. My mother had to go to the emergency room a few weeks ago. She was having complications from a previous surgery to her abdomen. Before anyone freaks, she's fine now. However, she kept asking me what I saw. If everything was okay. Frightened and in pain, she wanted answers. I couldn't give them. I told her exactly what I saw, a bulging with contractions of pain pushing in right *and I'd point to the place where I saw it* there. There was movement of energy and no black spots. But, I couldn't decipher it. First, I was exhausted and it was early in the morning. I wasn't on my A game. Second, I'd never seen energy that way before. I did feel helpless, at least when it came to telling her what I saw.
Then, I have to have another flash of *Snap out of it!* because a) I'm not a doctor, b) I did the best thing I could have done by taking her to the ER and contacted/updated everyone. c) Everything turned out fine. She had surgery and got the problem fixed.
She's going back to work on Tuesday and she's feeling great. :)
So in conclusion: Preparation and decisive actions used in accordance with a brain = positive outcome (most likely) Thanks for reading and enjoy your Imbolc.
Blessings,
Greymentality
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