Quiet Musings on Spring

I'm going to miss the cold. Strange I say that, because I love the Spring. But, I really will this time. Still, time does its thing. We flow along natures cycle. The buds pop out so that instead of brown we see the lightest of green sprinkled on the scenery. Our pansies are just now looking full, and it's almost time to pull them up. People seem happier now that they're out of their houses. There's a promise of light. From equal light and dark, we turn to where the light has majority.

The shadows will look different. Not as long. Not as striped. More noises outside. Frogs. Crickets. The silence that I will miss will be gone. That sacred silence. I rarely feel this way. I usually welcome Spring so fully, and now that it has spun around, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I will still face the sun and welcome it. I always do.

Well, Happy Ostara to those who celebrate it.

And, Happy Spring. Before long, Summer will be hunting us down...with sunburn. :)

Prison Outreach

Our local group of CUUPS (Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans) got a letter in the mail from an inmate at our regional detention centers. He is interested in Wicca (Paganism, etc). The Chaplain asked us if we were interested in a Prison Outreach program, to help others start their own worship. To see what they need for rituals and such. We accepted.

Two of us in the group and the UU's Reverend decided to go down and meet the Chaplain. This is something very new to me and would love some thoughts on the subject if anyone is reading this. Right now this is very fresh in our minds. We're planning on donating a few books for the further education on the subject for the man who wants the information as well as perhaps for those who are also interested there. Bonewits has been thrown out there as a definite author we want shown. As to other authors, we haven't made as much an decision on it yet.

Ideas? Thoughts?

Still trying not to care and laughing

It's working better than I thought it would. At least, reminding myself to not care is working better than I thought it would. Ok, that article I posted on Witchvox, is totally not my best work. It is sketchy and is basically me rambling. *shrug* Oh well, such is life. I love to ramble. I may have said something that makes little sense in there... my sarcasm isn't as biting as it could be. In fact, I'm lacking quite a lot in that department depending on the subject matter. But, I was aiming at 'sarcasm.' Someone actually thought I meant that 'rpgs' were the same thing as Wicca. They emailed me to say that Wicca doesn't have anything to do with throwing fireballs. I actually emailed them back to say thanks for the honesty, and they gave me a bad addy. I didn't like thinking that someone else thought I was ignorant on that subject. So, now I'm trying not to care. I caught myself caring what someone I don't even know thinks about what I do with my life and my article. The hell with that. I'm laughing at it! Important thing that, laughter.

I'm a perfectionist. This is a blessing and a curse. But, I was also brought up to care a lot about a lot of different things. So, I was an equal opportunity care..giver? I guess that's appropriate. So I am making a choice not to care. Giving someone power over yourself is stupid. I'm not going to do it. :) Laughter. Best medicine, yes?

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I simply plan on not caring

There are a lot of things you can care about. You care for your pets. You care about your mother's feelings. You care about how you get to work on Monday. Sometimes, you have to put a stop as to what you care about, or you'll go mad. At least you'll start taking on guilt that is coming only from you and is not in any way warranted.

I find it easy to start guilting myself into such things. "Oh, you wrote and sent that essay to Witchvox in the middle of the night. It can't be any good...oh no...they're posting it...damn it! I shoulda done that when I was awake!" I'm just not going to care. Today I made a decision to not care about that. As an avid worrywort, I grab onto such things. Now, I'm less of one these days than in years past. That is a good step in the right direction. A friend of mine reminded me that "Worry is negative prayer"-Le. So, I'm going to just do what I can to live and get through things, thrive, and try to get out better on the other end. That's all I can do, and if I don't make it. I don't make it. If I can't make Carolina Spirit Quest, I'll just have to go next year. (although it is looking quite fun with drumming and such..anyway) Life goes on.

I don't know what'll happen when I have kids. I have a feeling my worrywortness will return like the plague. But, I digress. Just remember the past doesn't exist and the future doesn't exist. They are only ideas that can hinder or hurt you on your walk. So, good luck not worrying. It'll lower your blood pressure I'm sure. Life is lighter when you let go.

Spring Cleaning: Are you sure of yourself?

I love this time of year. Everything crisp. Multitudes of cold Spring rain. You can always smell it, Spring that is. It is that time of year, another cleansing. Clearing out the closets. Changing up your style. It just feels like the right time of year to shift.

After a long Winter of reflection, it is a good time to reflect one more time. A final reflection before you activate your movement. Before action shifts from a more mental atmosphere. Sometimes your thoughts are soft and gentle. Sometimes they are hostile and rip at your old self. Have you noticed that people forget that creation is a violent process? It is lovely. It is majestic. It is painful. We must adapt. We haven't died yet, so we must adapt. There are no other options. Nature dictates this. Even if you only adapt a small amount, just to get by...you still must shift. That is why this time of year is so interesting. It represents a turning again.

So, why are you here? What is your goal? Why are you doing what you are doing right now? Are you happy? Are you proud? So many more questions waiting in the wings. All of this, this is the friction. This is what hides in Spring's shadows. The shadows hide what you don't want to see. Your shortcomings. The things that you find least tasteful about your character. We all have them. Are you really more egotistical than everyone thinks? Do you lie about who you are everyday and it just kills you? Or perhaps, does it not kill you to lie everyday. Something I've discovered about myself this past Winter is that I haven't asked enough questions.

Why? I always loved that question. For a while, I just stopped asking. I just wanted to be comfortable. But, the only thing constant is change. It turns you, even if you don't want to be turned. I think that's enough. It's just my thoughts on a screen. Black and white. It doesn't matter, because what is most important is not on this screen. It is 42. :) Or is it?

Are you a man or a mystical idiot?

Ok, thought that'd get your attention. But really, I've been contemplating such things lately. It seems that people have difficulty recognizing someone as a human being. Somehow, they must be more than that in order to show guidance or wisdom. I have a few friends that think worlds about one man. Now, I've only met him once, but I was not impressed. He considers himself a leader, as he is head of his own legal church. In that way, he is a leader. He started it up; he brought people together that feel like-minded about said church. And, they are a family. Wonderful thought there. I was impressed at how much people wanted me to meet him. I figured it was a good way to network in the Pagan community. He is one of the most well known in our little community and in our small part of the map, so I figured "what the hell, I'll meet him."

Well, apparently I did something wrong and he didn't feel comfortable around me. I knew someone that he was very...turned off by. I wasn't even friends with this person, and he flat out became angry at the mention of her name. This was the first time I met him, and it was outside a public circle during a smoke break (air break for me, cause I don't smoke). Even before this moment of friction came about, I wasn't thinking of him as some warm fatherly sort that lead people through the mysteries. He was just a man. Now I thought less of him. I was hoping that he would show some sort of welcoming personality to this public circle that I hadn't attended before. No. He didn't. He was just a man, afraid of losing his privacy through gossip, as many a' Pagan like to do. So, I don't know how well he does at guiding others. However, I do know that what others are seeing isn't the whole of him. I believe that people are blinded by what they want to see. He is their leader, their priest. Therefore, blind loyalty is attached.

That is a problem I've noticed in even my own experience. Blind loyalty. It's not just in Pagan circles. After discussing this with the great Sequoia tree known as my boyfriend, he mentioned that true leaders don't call themselves leaders. They just lead and everyone knows what they are. If you have to say you're a leader for others to know you are one, then you really aren't. But... that's not the case with him exactly. He leads. Others follow. I think he can become a great leader, but he's not there yet. I think he needs some humility and less followers. Less people saying "Oh, you're wonderful! You are my soul's goal!" Being told you know basically everything is an ego-boost away from knowledge. It clouds. And when you're clouded, you stop asking why.

So, is he a man or a mystical idiot? Well, I'd like to say we're all idiots at one time or another. So Yes. And yes. I hope he finds his path well, but I hope that those who follow his path know that theirs isn't the same thing. We are all alone there. It's just the way things are. OK, enough rambling. Tootles!

Yes...I said tootles.